“Oh lord here we go again.” I whisper to myself. “It’s normal don’t worry.” I whisper to myself, as I sit there looking like a spaz. Yup that’s normal isn’t it like. Yea me too, I don’t think so. To me that is normal because of my anxiety, but that is how it really be like sometimes. Dealing with it at first was easy enough. As you know everything rolls downhill easier than it does upward.

Let's take this back to the early day, like 6th grade. So not so long ago, but long enough for it to get bad. This is the year that I found out what anxiety is. How it could potentially ruin my life and make me crazy. It all started with the bullying. The typical stuff like, my weight, my upbringing, my clothes and stuff like that. Then it became a worse, not because of the kids bullying me in different ways (I kinda got used to it), but because of my anxiety. I started missing school more often because I was “sick”, but everyone in my house knew that I was faking.

Being logical my mother moved me to multiple schools and I ended up at one. It seemed like that fixed it, well it did for a little bit. I mean, it sorta did. What I mean by that is that depression hit me like a truck. This was caused by me thinking to myself, and thinking wow this isn’t normal what I’m going through. Not at all. From my dad coming and leaving to my mom barely having enough and my mom just struggling with depression. That made me feel something, something I hope no one has to feel. I know those to things  might seem simple, but, something clicked.

Now dealing with depression I turned to the internet and gaming. That helped me but eventually led me to a dark place. I saw things that were gory, I started to say things that were not funny, but being edgy and dark I thought they were. Gaming was a different story I  would be on for hours at a time talking to my “friends”. It helped even though I did not know them it was an escape it helped me think of other things and not just about suicide and how I would grow up to be nothing.

Life goes by and it’s the start of Junior year. I ended off badly on my sophomore year and I was hoping that this one would be different...AND OH BOY WAS IT. Not for good reasons though. I had just gotten over my depression thinking everything would be smooth sailing. I finally had a clear mind and then the anxiety hit. The reason it was back was because of how I was back when I was a kid think of what I did thinking “why”. That is what I should never think about because it’s the past, it’s done and over with. Or I would have attacks because of no reason. My body was okay with that though.

Along with this anxiety it brought around the thoughts of suicide and running away. It was my fight or flight instinct, and it was flight. I started talking to my mom about my anxiety and other things along those line and she recommended medicine. I have never wanted to take pills because I have seen people get addicted and it ruin their life. I was scared that that was going to happen to me. So I battle it for a couple of weeks suppress it with music and playing my games.

After those couple of weeks nothing has changed and my mom called a counselor. I have never been fond of counselors because  in middle school. They didn’t help and I thought that is how every other one is. I go and meet with her and it helped a little bit. Then again it began to slowly work, but then she mentioned medicine to help. This time I was open to it because my mental health was not good and I did not like that at all.

I started to take the meds and oh boy. My life was so much easier. I was able to think straight and sleep right. One thing that I realized though is that things do work out in the end. I hated that though because I was always against it. I didn’t believe it, until it happened to me.