Layers of blankets coated the goose bumps covering my skin. My halfway-underground bedroom felt like the middle of November, when really it was the end of June. The sunlight began to slowly fade away through my blinds as time went by. The warmth that came from my phone helped a little, but not by much.

It had been a couple hours since I had gotten home from Muskegon. I was texting my boyfriend and was contemplating on getting up to get some food.

I noticed someone knocking on the front door and my mom walking over to answer it. I heard my cousin and his parents walking in my house. I went to say hi and went back to what I was doing. I was wrapped up in blankets and I heard my cousins dad coming down my steps. I tried not to make any noise so he wouldn’t hear that I was in there.

I was never comfortable around him and I wasn’t really sure why. I was fine with everyone else, I just never wanted to be around him. I had noticed that every time he hugged me he would place his hand on my lower back; he always let his hugs last longer with me than with anyone else. I never really paid much attention to it but when I did notice it, I didn’t think much of it.

I poked my head out and I saw him; I guess he didn’t see me because he went back upstairs without saying anything. His footsteps moved upstairs to where my sisters were and he went to greet them and he asked where I was. I heard one of them say I was in my room.

I heard his footsteps coming back down again; however, this time, he actually went into my room. He stood a couple feet away from my bed and asked how my vacation was. I answered him and I saw him start to lay down behind me.

He put his hand on my leg and I began feeling daunted.

Have you ever felt your stomach drop when you miss the last step going down the stairs? Or when you start to fall in your dream and you wake up really quickly? That’s how I was feeling in that moment. My heart was beating fast and my stomach was doing backflips but not landing them.

I wanted to move and get up but I couldn’t do it. I felt unquestionably uncomfortable. My body was frozen and I didn’t know what to do. I felt him start to slowly move his hand up and down. He moved his hand under the blanket and started doing the same thing again. “Are you cold?”, he asked. I couldn’t speak so I just chuckled to give him a response. He kept touching me and I didn’t say anything about it. I finally got myself to sit up and he sat up with me. His hand went on my leg again and after about 30 seconds, he put his arm over my chest and put his hand on my shoulder. He made me lay back down and he continued touching me. I could’ve gotten up out of my bed or I could’ve left my room. I could’ve told him to stop touching me but I didn’t. I didn’t do much at all and I’m regret not doing things differently. Everything could’ve been avoided if I had just done something as soon as he started touching me. I don’t think it’s okay that I didn’t do anything but now I know why I didn’t. I was scared of what would’ve happened if I did, so I just let it happen. He sat up as soon as he heard someone's steps coming toward my room. No one came in, they just went in the bathroom. He sat there for a couple seconds then got up and left.

I felt my body become more relaxed as soon as he left.

A minute after he left my room, I left too but I went to the bathroom. I heard everyone leave and after they had left my dad was calling my name. I yelled out that I was in the bathroom and he just told me to go talk to him when I was out. I wanted to cry, and I started to, but I knew that if I did, he would have noticed and I would have to tell him why. I stopped myself from crying before my face would noticeably red and my eyes would get puffy.

I wasn’t planning on telling anyone what happened but I told my boyfriend because he noticed I wasn’t okay anymore. He called me about ten times and kept texting me to answer the phone. I told him I couldn’t because I couldn’t talk. It was hard to get any words out and even if I was able to, I didn’t know what I would say. If I had answered him, I knew we would be on the phone for a while and I still had to talk to my dad.

I felt calm enough to leave the bathroom and my dad was right at the bottom of the steps.

He was the one that had walked toward my room that got my cousin's dad to stop touching me. He saw him walk out of my room. He asked me why he was in my room and I told him he was asking how Michigan’s Adventure went; I guess my dad had told him and my aunt that we had gone there. I’m not sure if he believed that was all he did but he asked if he touched me in a way I didn’t want. I lied to him and told him he didn’t touch me but again, I wasn’t sure if he believed what I was saying. He told me that I could’ve told him I didn’t want him in my room. I was defending him and I’m not sure why I did. I was just scared to say anything.

I went to my sisters room where I had left my phone and I saw a bunch of texts and missed calls from Zach. He repeatedly told me to tell my dad but I kept saying no. I didn’t think he would tell anyone and that’s another reason why I told him. I didn’t want anyone else to know because I was scared of what would happen.

He told my little sister what happened and she told me. She wouldn’t leave me alone about telling my dad either. I tried to tell her what happened but I couldn’t talk for more than what I think was probably 30 seconds without my voice cracking and tears filling up my eyes. She came over to the end of the bed to hug me while I was cried and she kept telling me to tell my dad, but I still wouldn’t. I could’ve easily left her room to get away from her telling me that, but I didn’t want to go to my own room, I didn’t want to go to my older sisters room, and I didn’t want to be around my parents. Eventually, she got me to tell my mom and she hugged me and said she would go with me to tell my dad, so we went.

I was scared he would start yelling or be really angry. I could see in his expression that he was, but he stayed calm and didn’t say anything. He got on his phone and he called my aunt and told her to come over again. My little sister was right behind me. He asked her if he had done anything to her and she responded, “No.” He then asked me if this was the first time he had done anything to me before or if this was the first time. I answered him with a shaky voice that it was only the first time. Noticing the cracks in my voice, he told me that it wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t be upset about it. I didn’t know how to not be upset. I didn’t know how to get myself to stop being dismal. After my aunt got back to my house, all they did was talk for hours and there was some yelling but there wasn’t any from my dad, which I was really surprised about.

Sometimes I would start to cry again but each time someone would notice, they would tell me to stop and that none of this is my fault.

My aunt didn’t believe that he had done what he did. She kept saying that he couldn’t have and it wasn’t like him; he had always been so nice to my sisters and I. He hadn’t ever done anything wrong. Every time I heard her say something like that I would get so heated and offended because I could tell she didn’t believe me. After I left the kitchen, where they were, I went to Andrea’s room. I didn’t want to go back in my room and I didn’t want to lay on my bed.

Eventually they stopped talking and I heard my aunt leave. My mom came upstairs to Andrea’s room where I was and she told us to go to bed because it was late; it was only around 10:00 pm. She asked me if I was going to stay in her room for the night and I nodded my head. I was on the phone with my boyfriend for a few hours and he kept talking to me until I was asleep. I told him to go to bed because I knew he was tired, but he wouldn’t do it. Usually if I’m upset, he won’t sleep until I’m okay. He knew I wouldn’t be okay tonight, so he just waited until he knew I was asleep.

The next morning I woke up at about 5:30 am. I realized that I never got any food like I had intended to before anything happened. I got out of Andrea’s bed and went to sit on the recliner so I could charge my phone. The whole day everyone acted like nothing happened and it didn’t bother me. I expected it to happen because we don’t really talk about that stuff in our family. We haven’t talked about it since it happened and I’m happy about it.

My dad doesn’t talk to his sister anymore because she cut herself off from us. She cut her whole family off from us and I know it makes my dad upset by it because they’re family.

I know it’s not my fault, yet my mind keeps telling me it is. I keep telling myself it’s my fault that my dad doesn’t get to see his sister anymore. I don’t get to see my cousin either. It was her choice to leave though; he didn’t want her to and he let her know that. He didn’t want to be cut off from his sister and his nephew. I think that all of this happened because I said something about it. I know I was right to do so because if it were someone else, I would want them to say something too. I’m glad I don’t have to see him anymore. It makes me happy knowing I’ll never be at his house again; I’ll never have to see him again.