Have you ever felt powerless in a situation that you wish you weren’t? I know for certain even if you don’t want to admit it, you have. Sitting in my room, crying and breathing heavily. Darkness surrounds me as I lay in my bed waiting for it to end. I feel hopeless as I lay there, unable to do anything. To prevent things from getting worse. I see nothing as I lay under my covers of my bed, hoping the pressure of my blankets calm me down. I know I’m surrounded by positivity, but I can’t help but to feel constant negativity. I feel nothing. But at the same time I feel everything. I think that I am stuck in life and that things won’t ever get better.

It’s 10:00 and I’m working on my homework as I listen to my music, I hear the beat of the drums in the songs and shake my head back and forth. I finish my homework soon after and turn off the music getting ready for bed, yawning every now and then wanting to jump into the soft mattress. I soon get into bed and fall into a deep sleep, but soon wake up to the sound of screaming.

The sound of screaming turned out to be mine. From yet again, another nightmare. I just wanted them to end. I felt hopeless and that they weren’t going to ever stop. I lay in bed feeling pathetic of being 13 and having a stupid nightmare I know wasn’t real, but felt real at the same time. I lay there, crying, my chest heaving, and rocking back and forth wanting to end my suffering.

My mom comes rushing in, terrified as to why her daughter was screaming. She saw me and didn’t even ask, she just ran up to me and held me, waiting for me to calm down. But I couldn’t.

“Shh baby it’s okay, everything will get better, I promise it will”, she said while continuously rocking me back and forth. I sat there sobbing, trying my hardest to respond.

“No, it won’t, everything is terrible and I doubt that it’ll ever get better”, I replied finally choking up some words. It felt as if I had held everything in and just exploded all of my emotions. All she did was care and I felt so selfish for not caring about anyone but myself.

I remember earlier that year at counseling that I just didn’t care about anything anymore, and how my counselor was trying to help, but I wouldn’t listen. I just felt lost and that no one could help me, so I thought by not being around anyone at all that I had solved part of a problem. So I would skip out on birthday parties, family get togethers, family dinners, and more. However, now that I’m older, stronger, and wiser, I realized that I had been wrong all along. Now I realize that I me, and that nothing can change that.

I have finally learned that everyone is different, but at the same time we all have our struggles in life, and no matter what people are often willing to help. As well as that you need to be strong in life, and to make sure to keep your head up with positivity even when things are bad. I feel as if others can take away the same thing I have learned as well. That no matter what you need to keep your head up, even if you feel like looking down. Remember you are not powerless, you are fearless, strong, and most of all, you never give up.