Lately, my life has been a mess. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. It has been filled with many ups and downs, and I can’t seem to figure out how to handle myself during this difficult time. I don’t know whether to stay positive or negative when dealing with my life situations because every little detail is messing with my brain. Before I move forward, I need to decide what outlook I should have on my life.

As the long days pass, I am exhausted. At this moment in time, while you are reading this memoir, I am running off from 3 hours of sleep a night. One day after another, I say to myself, “Luke, go to bed earlier”. Yeah, that doesn’t seem to work. Everyday I show up to school even though I just to end up falling asleep in Spanish class. I have never been more lost and it has come to the point where I feel like I can’t do any good because I am so tired. I am a mess.

I am currently running on three hours of sleep a night and boy am I proud of how hard I have been working. I have never worked so hard to stay on top of my school work and tennis, but at least I am giving it my all. I am determined to stay focused and keep improving and if that means less sleep, at least I can go to bed every night knowing I couldn't be more happy with the effort I have put into everything. There are difficult days where I feel like I can’t do any good, but I know that by staying optimistic every morning, it will find a way to work itself out.

When you walk into my room at this current moment, wait, you can’t walk. You have to jump around the mountains of dirty clothes on the floor. Everyday I come home and talk about cleaning my room, but we all know this will not happen anytime soon. When my dog comes upstairs, the first room he goes to is mine because he knows that he will be able to find a chip bag on the floor with some crumbs still in the bottom. When I wake up in the morning, I look in my closet just to get frustrated and talk about how I have nothing to wear and how all of my clothes are dirty. “I hate this,” I say to myself as I leave my room. My life is a mess.

When you walk into my room, on the floor, you will see a bunch of clothes, a bunch of books, a bunch of shoes, and a bunch of chargers. Hey, at least I have all of these choices to pick from. I know I am lucky enough to throw my clothes on the floor in the first place, yet I don’t always show my thanks. When I wake up, I realize how so many people don’t even have food to eat or a warm house to sleep in. Instead of looking at these objects on my bedroom floor as just another “thing”, I need to see them for what they truly are and show gratitude towards everyone around me. Man do I have a great life.

School has been hard lately. I have been struggling to stay up to date on homework because of how much school I have missed. Since I am gone for tennis tournaments almost every weekend, I miss a lot of school. The better my tennis becomes, the worse my grades become. This is a fact. Everyday, I show up to school, but I feel like I’m just going through the motions rather than actually living. I just want to give up. I am a disaster.

School has been extremely tough lately. At least I get the chance for an education. I have been embracing the difficulty of these courses and have been able to understand how these classes are helping me reach my maximum potential. Even though I miss a lot of school, it is teaching me time management skills that I will use for the rest of time. I just don’t want to admit this always.

All my family does is try to stuff food down my throat because I am what you call, “Too skinny.” But you know, I eat a lot of food. As I stuff food down my throat and watch my grades go down, I get texts from my friend group as they just yell at each other. Man is this a great time. When my friends yell and get down, it makes me feel the same way. I can’t let this happen. Even though they are arguing, it is my duty to try and keep a positive attitude through it all in order to keep everything in line. No shit talking. No yelling. Just stay calm. Even though I say this, I end up just sitting back and watch it go on. Why do I always do this to myself?

My family is always telling me to eat more food because I am what you call “too skinny”, but you know what, I am so lucky for them. My family is offering food to me and they are the most supportive people. They inspire me to be a better version of myself and I thank them everyday for all the hard work they put in to get food on the dinner table.  Also, my friend group has been going through a lot lately. At least I have had the chance to bring some cheerfulness and crack a joke once in a while. Everyday that I have shown some love and compassion towards my friends and family, the day has gone by faster and I have been able to go to bed at night knowing I am a good person.

I have a great life. The better outlook I have on my current situations helps make it easier to feel a sense of joy everyday. I am so blessed for the life I have been given and all the amazing friends and family that have helped me along the way. There are many days filled with ups and downs, but I need to embrace every moment and not dwell on the small, bad things in life. Just from keeping a optimistic attitude and looking at the good in every situation, my messy perfect life has turned into the only one I need.