“Take it All In”

November 9th, 2018. Adrenaline was forcing my heart in and out of my chest as I anxiously waited backstage. I stood near the staircase that lead up to the stage as the blue and purple lights reflected off of the stage and onto my face; I was anxiously waiting and anticipating while a group was performing. Waiting. For weeks I designed my black and denim outfit for the annual Showcase and mentally prepared. Little did I know, this would be the best performance of my life.

Every year, my a cappella group, Detroit Voice, attends one of the biggest conventions in the a cappella community: Kettering Acafest is that convention. The festival lasts a full weekend and upon the arrival, there is a Showcase in which the top five groups out of the 70 that apply get to perform in. We were selected to perform in 2017 and 2018 which along with surprise brought the pressure to succeed.

Leading up to the showcase, we were rehearsing nonstop to prepare, but we faced many obstacles beyond our control. We had two members drop out and our music was very difficult. We became a relatively small group; with hard arrangements, this did not work in our favor. We had rehearsals once a week for three hours and usually would schedule more on top of that. Most of our rehearsals filled me and my group members with anxiety. We needed to succeed.

In the blink of an eye, the day had finally arrived. After all of the hard work and passion we had directed towards our two songs, it was time to show the world; this is a very hard thing to do. The fear of not being talented enough is horrifying; self doubt was something our group was no stranger to.

Third. We were third in the showcase lineup and I was eagerly listening to the groups before us. I was anxious. All nine of the members of my group were standing backstage along with our director CB; we were full of anticipation and adrenaline, but that could not get in our way. While performing we had to think about dynamics, our parts, our choreography, etcetera.

“Please welcome to the stage, from Clarkston, Michigan, Detroit Voice!” the MC excitedly introduced us as the crowd cheered. It was time.
I hesitantly walked onto the stage. Time was paralyzed, but my heart would not stand still. I inhaled making sure to get enough air to sustain a note. I walked to my spot and waited for my cue to begin singing.

Our first song was called Midnight Train To Georgia featuring my friend Haley on the solo. The beginning of the song is arranged to resemble a train and we physically resembled a train as well. The music began and I started to sing. In unison, all of the other members fade out so that just Haley’s voice is left in a state of solitude.

Silence. Just Haley’s voice rang through the auditorium holding 700 people. Cheering began to sweep through the audience and onto the stage in between every phrase of music.

I glanced up at the hundreds of audience members smiling or tearing up and I remembered why I loved a cappella so much. These people understood. They understood the blood, sweat, tears, passion that a group pours into their music. They also understood the style and interpretation which was rare. They understood us.

That is something beautiful. It is not often that I find a crowd of people that truly understand me as an individual and in a group. It made my soul smile knowing that I was in front of people that did not even know me, but cared about me.

I looked at the people sharing the stage with me and felt the same way about all of them. On that stage, despite anything, they all loved and cared about me as well. It is rare finding joy in people, but I found it in that room.

All these thoughts rushed into my head as tears of joy began to blur my vision, but I pulled it together; it was time for the rest of the group to sing along with the solo. The sound of our voices echoed throughout the auditorium along with cheers and tears from the audience members.

Although I was tense about our performance, when I looked into the audience filled with people I did not know, I felt content. The anxiety and the fear before the performance did not compare to the joy that comes after; “After the storm is when the flowers grow” (After The Storm).

This is what we had worked so hard for. We worked so hard to send a musical message to the audience. We worked so hard to please our directors. We worked so hard to be proud of the music we had created. We worked hard because if we did not, the joy of performing would not exist.
The song finally finished and our time on stage had come to an end. I took a final glance at the audience as I walked down the steps leading into the backstage region of the auditorium. Immediately after exiting the stage, I saw the director of our group CB; he too had tears in his eyes.

We were all so proud and overwhelmed with emotions, we did not know what to do with it. “Take it all in” our director said as we stood in a huddle. I inhaled the feeling of what would soon be nostalgia and love for the people around me and our music.

Even now, two months following the memorable performance, I hold that feeling close to my heart. Honestly, it is a feeling I will never be able to describe; being able to look into all of my best friends eyes before and after performing and understand what true love is. Love for the stage, love for the bond we all share and love for music.
These things--hard work and effort--are what allowed us to succeed. Without the countless hours of work that we put into our music, we never would have been able to satisfy ourselves as much as we did. If we would not have poured our blood, sweat and tears into our music, it would not have mattered. I will never be able to forget the feeling of it mattering.

“Take it all in.”