It was a late afternoon drive to a relative’s house. I can clearly remember the day sitting in the car looking out the window when it first started.  Just like that, “Baam” the screams and the yelling was the loudest thing I heard from my parents in the car.  The moment that I looked up and saw my parents arguing about a relative of mine.   At the time all I could only think to myself was “ Great ,It’s happening again. What is it this time?”  So I turned off my music and took out the earbuds to listen in on the conversation.

The conversation was mostly about my cousin wanting to get married to her boyfriend. It should have been exceptional after another year of waiting to become of age but it wasn’t acceptable to any adults in my family.  My father was mostly bad mouthing my cousin because of how dumb she was for wanting to otain marriage with her boyfriend after running away from home. The only reason why my cousin ran away from home was because she was hook with tiredness after dealing with her pathetic father.  The only thing my cousin wanted was freedom from the filth of her father.  My uncle spent a majority  of his time drinking with his friends or family members at parties over taking care of his children.  He spent lots of money on drinks to the point where he asks his kids for money. My uncle still has a job and works he just has a problem with drinking like almost all of my other relatives.  

In the overall  time in the car ride my father was bad mouthing my cousin for having a dream.  Like all other little girls around the world, my cousin wanted to have a wedding. She wanted an “ American Wedding” and not a religious wedding.  My father thought differently, even though he knows the type of person my uncle is and the situation that my cousin was in.  He still made it the fault of my cousin for most of my uncles problems. Just listening to all the nonsense my father was saying made me feel really irritated listening to him.  The burning fire inside of my chest was ready to burst after listening to all of this.   It made me think about  what my father is going to talk about the future me when I get married to the person I want to be with.  

I remember that my father has said repeatedly towards me and my sister, that he would abandon me if  I didn’t marry a guy that was my own race ( My race is hmong.  Search it up if you don’t know what it is).  Just listening to all the words jumping out of his mouth was just a bottomless pit ready to jump into.  Having to listen to him talk about this time over time is bothersome.  Especially when he decides to make a decision on how I should live my life or how others should live their lives based on how he thinks.  Knowing that my parents makes choices for me without my consent or my input on the subject makes the boiling rage inside ready to explode like a volcano that is about to erupt.   

As the feeling builds up, I could feel the rage from inside ready to come out and join the uncomfortable conversation but I just sat there listening to a few more comments about my cousin until I finally had enough.  Just the thoughts and comments coming from my father had pulled a thought into my head. The unfairness coming from my family had suggested that life isn’t as simple as one thinks it is.  The thoughts of what they think are right and should be right are way different from what I think by a long shot.  Every person has a goal or dream they want to achieve in life and they have the choice on who they want in their life.  As the thoughts finally stopped coming  into my head I plugged in my earbuds and played my music to block out the conversation.  As I closed my eyes, I could feel the darkest around me capturing my sight from the conversation.  During the rest of the ride the music playing completely filled into my head but as the music was playing, I thought to myself about the choices my family wants for my life and the choices that I want in life.  It was the only thing that I could think about at the time. At least until we finally reached my relative’s house where I could get away from them for a while.