Jazz

I was afraid. My first time away from everyone I know. My family, friends, all taken away. 

In a way it was calming, to be independent and not have to rely on everyone else. But at the same time I was shaking.

I didn't know much about jazz, and I didnt know anyone there. Everyone was nice, but everyone fit in with each other so well. They had never met but it was like they were siblings. Usually I would find one person and stick with them but in this case, that wasn't an option. Everyone already had their friends. 

In my group of 5, there was the two younger kids who stuck to each other like glue, but bickered like enemies. There was Chad, who stuck to himself, or the staff. And there was Graham, who would talk to me more than anyone else there, but he was kind of strange. The staff were nice, they were more like students than authority. I stuck to myself until the very end. 

As my mom walked out of the building, I turned to my drum set and sighed. I looked around the room. Everyone looked like they knew what they were doing. I sat down, but my sticks were not in my hand. I focused on a melody, someone playing various toms, and…a double kick? This was supposed to be a Jazz Camp, not a Metal Camp. I looked over, and across the room was a blue haired boy. He had maroon and black toms, and flames on his bass. And sure enough, his high hat wasn't moving, but he was using both feet. He had a double kick. 

As Mr. Hall walked to the middle of the circle of drums, everyone quieted down. He asked us to stand up and walk in front of our drum kits. As he led us through stretches, I couldn't help but realise that, even though I knew only Mr. Hall, his whole family seemed to know me. 

About 3 months before hand, I had been setting up the same kit for Jazz Band, when Mr. Driver told us about the man who would be judging us at the Hastings Jazz Festival. “My friend, Keith Hall? He actually graduated from Pennfield. He's a great guy. He wears earrings!” 

When I finally finished playing at that Jazz Festival, I saw Keith for the first time. He actually walked up on stage to tell me what a great job I had been doing. He showed me some new things, but while he was doing so, I felt heavy. Everyone in the audience was staring at me, and everyone in the Jazz Band. I froze up; I couldn't do anything at all. 

What lasted 20 minutes in total, felt like a 2 hours. After I went home that day, I told my mom what had happened. A few minutes later, she told me she had found his facebook and thanked him for helping me. I was incredibly embarrassed, but that's just what you get with my mother. I thought nothing more of it.

The next day when I woke up, my mom was very excited about something. Mr. Hall wanted me to come to Keith Hall Summer Drum Intensive, KHSDI; a jazz drumming camp. He was going to send us links to get scholarships so we could afford the almost 1,000 dollar fee. A few days later, I got the scholarship. 

That brings us to where we were, alone. The day was a blur, and before I knew it, the people who chose to stay in dorms went to the dorms, and people who were going home went home. As we were heading toward Henry Hall, and I struggled to carry my suitcase, my fan, my folder, and my pillow, I remembered I had Grace Halls number in my pocket. She had given it to me because she was going to be late to the dorm tonight. Keith Halls daughter, and the only reason she was staying in a dorm was so I wouldn't be the only one in the hall without a roommate. 

It was boiling hot in Henry Hall. No wonder they had put “fan” on the list of things to bring. I thought my skin was going to melt off. While I unpacked my things, I heard a knock at my door. It was Danny and Briar, two student staff members.

“Hey Brooke, we just wanted to tell you that usually we hang out downstairs in the lobby and lounge for a bit after the day. When you're done packing you should join us!”

After I thanked them and closed the door, I ran around my dorm. It wasn't very big, but I was so excited. I felt included, like they wanted me to come down. Maybe they noticed I was afraid and felt bad? Maybe they did that with everyone? Either way, I was so excited. 

After I finished unpacking, I went down into the lobby. There was no one. I was confused, and angry, and I felt betrayed. But just as I was about to go back to my dorm, I saw Danny's head pop out of another room.

“Brooke! We’re in here!” 

I felt foolish for thinking they would just leave me. But I followed, and went into the next room over, with pool tables, air hockey, and foosball. Danny pointed to the tiny room attached to this room and told us their was leftovers from dinner in their if we wanted some. I sat down on the giant air conditioner and checked my phone for the first time since 10:00AM that morning. 

That was when I found out XXXTentacion had died in a car crash that day. It must have been the same moment that a boy named Max found out too, because he shouted loudly, and ran out of the room. He returned later with a speaker, and proceeded to play X’s music every night. 

It was probably around 9:00PM when people started clearing out and going to bed. I was not tired, and neither was Danny, Briar, Carter, or Max. We went into the room across the hall, the longue. There was a TV, 3 couches, and too many chairs. There was also a very out of tune, old, piano. Danny showed me where the Vending machines were. 

Around 10:00pm, I got a text from Grace Hall, immediately followed by a call.

“Hi Brooke, I'm gonna be late tonight, I help with my church still. But I’m going to stop by a gas station, do you want anything?”

I told her no, and promised I wasn't mad that she was going to be late, but she insisted she buys something. 

“What about a slushy? I promise it's okay, I'll get you one”

Every day while I drummed was important, but the parts I remember most happened at night. It was like a routine. Every night I would sit in the lobby with a Mountain Dew, and wait for someone to join me. Usually it was Danny, followed by Briar, and then Max, Alex, Carter, and then Grace. Max would play music on his speaker for about an hour, Alex would find some way to annoy one of us. When Alec and Max went to bed, I would stay up until around 11:00pm until going to my room and going to bed.

It was during the first few nights were my confidence stems from. One of the nights, we were all hanging out in the lounge. Alex had already gone to bed, but Max was still up. I sat down at the very out of tune piano, and started playing some chords. Danny took a liking to whatever I was playing, and started dancing. Everyone started to gather around, and Max started to record. Danny started rapping, and everyone was laughing and having a good time. When he was done, I played a little more before closing out and finishing. Everyone was clapping and smiling. The next morning I felt confident. 

On the 5th night, I won the “most improved award”. After I won it, a boy named Kaj Desch came up to me and congratulated me, and told me he had gotten the award last year. That was not the end of good things to happen that night.

 It was around 10:30pm, and I was laying on a couch with my mountain dew. I was alone in the lounge tonight. I was watching something on my phone when Carter came in.

“Are you just straight chillin’ in here? Respect. Hey I wanted to talk to you.”

I sat up and put my phone down. 

“Over the last few days, I've gotten to know you better, and I remember the first day you didn't even really want to talk to me. But here we are. You are the type of person that is quiet at first, but when you get to know you, you just...blossoms, like a flower. We get out of here in 2 days, and I didnt want to leave without telling you that. I think it was a beautiful thing to watch you become more confident and less afraid. If you ever need someone to talk to, if you're feeling down, or you just need a friend, find my facebook.”

It was like he knew me better than I know myself. It was something I will never forget. 

The next day, we had our first performance. We would all go to “The Union”, a restaurant, ad eat and play the songs we had been working on over the weeks. The first song I played was called “Footsteps”, a song in 3, which I had never played on a set. I started coming out of my shell ad talking to people that night. For the most part it was Chad, and Graham, Kaj, and Jude. 

The second performance was the night afterward. This was the performance my parents came to. I had already seen my mom, as she came to put all of my stuff from my dorm in her truck. I gave my performance, and after that I conversed with everyone at the table. I ended up giving my number and snapchat to Kaj, and my snapchat to Chad and Graham. The last day was definitely the best, I made lifelong friends and still talk to some of them. I wish I would have opened up before the last day.

I went home that day and told my mom about everything that happened. I unpacked my drumset a few days later and practiced, and noticed I had improved greatly not only in playing and confidence, but being social.