While growing up I was in a mix of a world. I realized the difference between my mom and dad's house was so tremendous it was hard to remember all the rules. My mom was always saying, be in bed at this time. Make sure your bed is made, brush your teeth. Realizing everything is a schedule with her. My dad saw me once every few weeks for a weekend if that. His house was different. Let's stay up till one in the morning watching scary movies while eating peanut butter with melted chocolate into a bowl. Let's go fishing at late hours lets do all this stuff my mom would never allow under her roof. It was cool meeting all of these different women with him but now it saddens me.  You probably now realize he was the Disney dad in my eyes. Growing up you realize small things like the lyrics, movies, jokes and most of all the people. Sooner or later you eventually realize the meaning of everything around you. 

 My mom and stepdad played country music which wasn't always bad. It was nice hanging out with them while playing “Big Green Tractor” singing “ she was looking too good not to go somewhere” while in a bright blue dress on my way down to a daddy-daughter dance with my stepdad, he's always been there and always made me and certainly all my friends laugh till we couldn't anymore. While my dad, on the other hand,  played strictly alternative rock and hip hop. I remember dancing to ‘Get Low’ when I was eight trying my hardest to impress my dad by remembering the rap. Now I know the lyrics “done came to the club about 50th 11 times Now, can I play with yo panty line? The club owner said, I need to calm down Security guards go to sweating me, now” weren’t what I thought it was. In fact, I never even tried to guess what they meant. 

Eventually, my mom started to play Kid’s Bop when she realized Denika developed an interest. I always figured I’d be like my mom, value all the same interests as her. Till I heard the band that spoke to me. They gave me chills like when the cold breeze brushes your skin, or when something just lightly touches you. 

I remember the day so well. I just freshly turned five, my dad picked me up the weekend after for my birthday so I could do a small thing with my grandparents. My father laughed at me for falling asleep in the car and blasted a song, one from Nickelback, a song I grew up loving and blaring around my room, my house, killing my ears by blasting my headphones with it, Rockstar”. This song wasn't like the other ones, nothing I was used to. It was soft but heavy. It was load but showed the truth of the singer. 

 I could never forget laying in bed listening zoning to the lyrics “we all just wanna be a big rockstar” which you know being so young I really did. I wanted the money the string over people to achieve my dreams. I shook the house pretending my hairbrush was a microphone. I realized their band really spoke to me. Though I didn’t always understand their lyrics, I could always understand where they stood in each and every song by the beat and the melody. Every song from “Rockstar” to “If today was your last day” just brought me somewhere unexplainable. The chills I received, the lyrics that came to life in my little five-year-old head was fascinating to me.

Day after day, month after month blaring, screaming, humming to the lyrics until I knew every word, every beat. To this day I still fall back and sing a song. My mom soon came to a realization that their band was where I took off to, how much I loved them. She became okay with it all and burned a disk of there music for me, all the albums. It soon registered in my head, she also knew the songs and the band which was amazing to me! Along with my stepdad, my papa, my whole family shared this secret love for Nickleback as I did. They explained to me that they thought I was too young to listen to it but adored I grew an interest at such a young age, whatever that meant. 

Now, looking back I realize why they said those things. I understand the lyrics more, the band was talking about being rich and how drugs are cheap and women are easy in my favorite song for at least five years.  Now, my family and I jam out when we're alone, together, road trips or even just a short ride to the store. Jamming with my family or even friends makes me feel at home. Realizing the bond, the similarities and the comfort I share with them are amazing and hopefully something I'll never lose.