Friendships are a bigger deal than what most people think. In high school, they can sometimes make or break your reputation. 

When you hang out with a bad crowd, you are looked at as part of it regardless of your morals. You will not be noticed as a leader or someone of great character. Being somewhat of a natural leader is something that I take pride in, so I refuse to let a friend ruin that.

 Last year, I had this friend named Jamie. At the time, Jamie was in a relationship with my best friend Denzel. In my memoir, I will be bringing many memorable events to the table. I will unleash on how Jamie, who is no longer my friend, changed me. I partly felt very responsible for Denzel and Jamie’s relationship becoming more than friendship. Denzel apparently did not want to date Jamie, but he had no way of avoiding her. We are all in band together and Denzel and I share many of the same friends. During their relationship, Jamie was even more depressed than she was when she did not have a boyfriend. She used Denzel as a cushion, and she is still very depressed on a high level. She confuses me a lot, if I'm being honest. One minute she is slicing herself, crying and degrading herself, while shoving suicidal texts at her friends. The next, she is energetic and making herself feel good. Not to mention, she sometimes will put others down, the same way that she puts herself down. For example, she will constantly mention how annoying or dumb someone is. She used to text me all the time and mention how “ugly”, “worthless”, “fat”, and “annoying” she was. Jamie also, and I quote nonstop says “I know, I'm a POS.” I would dread getting a text from her. We snapped pictures back and forth all day long, which is something that I sometimes regret. We hung out all the time, and it was not a good time usually. All she ever did was complain about Denzel and how she did not have any friends. When she says she “doesn’t have any friends,'' I was always very defensive. I got defensive because I tried my hardest with the most effort possible, to make sure she was happy. It was too much for me to hear her complain about not having friends when I tried to be the best one that I could. I never got any recognition for anything that I did for her. I could only imagine how Denzel had it rough in the midst of all the drama that she caused. All Denzel wanted desperately was to have his friends back. When Jamie and Denzel started dating, I’m sure he did not expect for the relationship to go how it did and so quick. He refrained from talking to most of his close friends outside of school, because Jamie checked his location. If he was active on Snapchat, she would wonder why he was responding to her or why he hadn’t for so long. He, too did not like texting her because it was so toxic and draining. 

Denzel is sad to say that he lost his virginity to Jamie when he was 14 and she was 16. I was honestly somewhat unhappy when I found out that Denzel lost his virginity, especially to her. He told me that he was forced into it all, which I presumed. If I were Jamie, I would be bashful because she should know that if Denzel did not bring up sex, then he did not want to do it with her. He is much different than how he used to be because of her as well. During their relationship he was always so strained and not nearly as fun as he could be. He was fretful, or as we like to call it “leant”. I could totally understand why. 

Jamie used Denzel and made his life miserable for her own self good. I find it disgusting and I lost most respect for Jamie after a series of events happened. One scenario being when Denzel and Jamie were supposed to hang out at a movie because Denzel's mom said that he wasn’t allowed to go to Jamie's house. Jamie thought that it would be a good idea to go to a movie instead because of the rules that Denzel had to follow. She was not happy about it, as Denzel could tell. He told me that she asked him if he really wanted to go to a movie and because he knew that she did not actually want to go, he said no. He knew that it would start an altercation if he said that he wanted to go to the movie instead. Little did he know, his mom had his location and he was in big trouble. He was not able to be around Jamie outside of school for a while. He enjoyed the fact that he got a break from her, even though many problems took place during that time period. 

Jamie already did not think that Denzel’s parents liked her. After the untruthful episode, Jamie was almost positive that his parents hated her. They definitely were not very fond her, just because of the way that they noticed how their son was changing because of her.  Jamie came up with the conclusion that Denzel cheated on her many times. On New Years Eve, I helped Denzel write his breakup note to her over text. He went offline for 5 days straight after that and I was worried. Mostly worried because I had not heard from him. I also knew that breaking up with her took a lot out of courage. Denzel and Jamie were together for a little over a year. Jamie was a sophomore when they began dating and Denzel was a freshman. It is terrible that in Denzel's words, was being “held down” or “pussy whipped”. He never really liked Jamie to begin with until he got to know her more. He had 3 different states of mind while being in such a toxic relationship that he didn’t know was so toxic until he was too far in. I hold Jamie accountable for most of the relationship dilemmas . She knows how nice Denzel is and used that for somewhat weakness because she should know herself. She knows that she is toxic to others and she and Denzel barely knew each other when they began dating. So in my opinion, she took advantage of his decency. 

I sometimes blame myself for the fact that I let her talk me into putting in a good word for her. Me, not knowing her too well either, just trying to be gracious, I did her a favor and what I thought was a favor to my best friend too. I did not exactly know if Denzel was looking for a relationship or not, but he did not deny the idea. I also blame Denzel for letting her run over him the way that she did. Today, he and I are both thriving without her and so are his friends that he had missed hanging out with him. Neither of us are friends with Jamie and do not plan to be. We are civil with her though because there is no need to be hostile for no reason. 

Like I said before, she is still depressed and pessimistic quite often and does not hesitate to take that out on the people around her. I stopped being her friend and being there for her because I was always finding myself in a predicament when I wanted to focus on me. We had some of the same friends, but we all felt the same way about her. At the end of spring break, I went to the movies with many of our friends and we did not invite her. She was so mad that she unadded me on Snapchat and she was not very nice about it. She said, “Why do you hate me so much?” I was speechless and dumbfounded because I do not hate her, but I would rather not hang out with her. In a way, I was happy that I would not get a text from her and get uneasy about it, but I also cannot stand to have an issue with someone. I feel that the issues that we had were so repetitive. I told her all the time that I was there for her, yet she would always find a time to say “you hate me”, or “you’re only nice to me because you feel bad for me”. I had to stop being friends with her. She was a reason that I used to argue with some of my other friends that were more important to me. 

Sometimes you have to get rid of friends in life because of what they bring. Jamie was one of these, sadly. When times were good, they were really good and I wish she wasn't constantly depressed. She expresses herself through social media so often, which gives so many negative energy. Jamie made me realize that it is okay to grow apart from people when you need to focus on your own mental health I knew that telling her that we could no longer be friends would help her be a better person too. My intentions were to first, help myself because I could sense that my friends were getting tired of me complaining about Jamie. Second, Jamie deserved to be stress relieved and I knew that being super close with Denzel, who was her main focus at the time was not helping. She really had no respect for me anyways, so I was happy, but also worried to drop her because I cannot stand the feeling that someone doesn’t like me. My experiences with Jamie have changed me for the better. Denzel and I became closer because we did not want Jamie apart of our lives anymore. We related the most in that area and I felt most comfortable talking to him about anything.