It was a cool spring night when I was playing with Play-Doh on my kitchen floor. My mom came into the kitchen and said “Taylor can you come sit on the couch? Dad and I have to talk to you about something.” Being five years old, I was pretty mad she made me stop playing. As I walked into the living room, toward the couch, I felt the tension rise. When I sat on the couch, my parents kneeled in front of me.  It was then I realized something must be wrong once my dad began to cry. They both looked at me with a blank expression as my dad struggled to tell me what was going on. He grabbed my hands and said “Birdy I will not be staying with you and mom anymore”. I gave them a puzzled look and this is when they began to explain what they meant. My mom looked at me and said, “ I am doing this to be happy and to be a better mother to you”. I still did not quite understand what this would mean for my family. After this, my dad began to explain that he would be staying with my noni and i would come down to see him every weekend . It never really hit me that my dad would be gone till his things were slowly being moved out and he said his last goodbyes to my family and to the house he spent countless hours on making it a home.

            Once my dad was gone, it was hard for me to understand why he could not have family dinners with us or why I could not hide behind the door anymore and “scare” him as he came home from work. I would often look at my mom and ask “Mommy when is daddy coming home?”. I am sure it was hard for her to hear me say these things, however, It was harder for me because did not understand the situation. Being so young made it easier, yet so much harder for me. I was too young to understand the situation yet young enough I would not fully remember much about my parents’ divorce.

As I grew older it made more sense to me as to why they decided to get a divorce. I noticed how happy both of my parents were and I know that if they stayed together they would not have been this happy. Even though they were happy with their new lives, I still would get sad from time to time seeing my friends going on family trips or simply staying at one house without going back and forth. Often, I would wish I just had a sense of normalcy. I would get mad and fight with my parents because I wished my family was normal. Looking back, I wish I did not fight with them because the divorce has brought so many positive changes in my life.

However, I personally feel this was a part of my life that truly made me into the person I am today. My parents’ divorce has had both positive and negative influences on my life. This experience has given me two big families’ that love me. I am grateful everyday for the amazing step parents and siblings I have gained. I do not like to refer to them as step parents or step siblings because to me they are just my parents, brothers and sisters. This has helped me to realize that you can not compromise your happiness for anyone or anything. It has helped me grow and get a better understanding that things do not always work out and that it is okay. 

I feel that it has negatively impacted me because I never really remember when my parents were together. Even to this day I still get upset as the holidays come around. I just wish I could remember at least one holiday where I spent the day with both of my parents. I sometimes hate the feeling of not seeing my dad every day. It bothers me that my friends get to see their fathers every day and I can not. Seeing my parents upset on Christmas and my birthday because they both can not see me takes a toll on me. Sometimes I feel I am almost stuck in the middle, it is impossible to make everyone happy.

Even though I may have bad memories or miss the “good ole days”, I could not see my life any other way. I often take a step back and realize how fortunate I am because so many other kids have worse situations. Without getting a divorce my parents might have never had a chance to be happy and I would have to see it every day. Since my parents have both remarried, I have seen the true love they from both of them. It also shows me how real relationships work and sets a good example for me in the future. I feel that it has helped me grow and become stronger. My parents are my role models. Even though they both were struggling throughout the divorce, they both stayed so strong and I never noticed. My parents have shown me that no matter the challenge you face, you have to adapt and overcome. It helped me to  become more loving and accepting of people and their emotions.

I often try a picture life with my parents married but I honestly would not trade my life for anything in the world. I would not be the person I am today if my parents did not split. I also would not have the two amazing families I have now. I reflect on this almost every day. It makes me so happy to see my parents living the life they should have always had. Even if this experience has affected me negatively, I would not have developed the skills I have today without it. My parents are still friendly and will always love each other. I know they will always be connected because of me. This makes life easier for me. I know when they argue now, it is because they both love me and do not always agree with their choices regarding me. I am so lucky to have such a loving environment despite having two separate families. They have both taught me thing whether it be how to improve myself or important life lessons. I know that no matter what there is always someone there for me no matter what and I could not picture my life any different.