Imagine the Soviet Union’s hell. An arms race, except it’s near impossible to keep up with your opposers. There is someone around you funnier, more talented, and willing to give more. These people -- a bunch of bragging brown nosers-- are constantly finding ways to one up you and everyone around them. They belt their highest note for all to hear. They bring the director a coffee and barrade him with compliments. They babble about all the leads they’ve had. There really is no end to it. And unless you suck up and get your nose dirty too, you're bound to lose the lead.

First, you can expect a check-in with someone of an important status to receive your name tag (which may or may not be spelled correctly) with your preferred pronouns. Yes, theatre is accepting of all races, genders, heights and sexualities… as long as you’re perfect by the directors standards. See, you can be as good as the greatests, but if your eyes are a little too ovular or your nose is a wee bit too prominent, they will find someone who physically fits the role better and, chances are, is probably a better singer, actor, and dancer than you. So what do people do when they don’t look the part? They dement their features. Some plastic surgery here, an implant there and lets throw in some botox for the heck of it. This is how some stay in the race. Younger and sexier is better, more marketable. They do what they have to do to get the director to notice them.

While I don’t agree with the actions of fellow auditionees, I understand their motive. Performing in a show is for the ensemble; auditioning is for yourself. It is a relentless battle for attention during auditions because there is no one in that room that you need to succeed more than yourself. So smile, grab the director a cup of coffee, compliment the script, maybe his outfit, brag about the work you’ve done, and go belt in the corner. Maybe then you will win that race.