A tall Asian teenager with dark brown eyes stared and walked towards me, he then said: “Why did you cry yesterday, are you alright?” 

His dark brown eyes stared right through me. His name is Jackson, someone who I've crushed on for three years and have known him since grade school. As he slowly walked towards me, asking if I'm okay? I thought, “Of course not when you're this close to me.”

 I looked at his face wanting to reply to him but all I felt was my face getting hotter and hotter. My mind was blank and didn’t know what to say but I was quite sure that my face was red. I wanted to hide badly and not have him see me instantly. Thankfully, at that moment I saw my friend Maya, I ran to her without a thought; not noticing that I haven't replied to him yet. After I quickly calmed down I turned to him but all I saw was him walking away. For some reason, it was as if everything was in slow motion, seeing everything moving slowly and I was just standing there regretting. I didn't know what to do anymore and all I felt was regret. 

Sadly, maybe it was because of that event or because we have nothing to talk about but ever since then we never talked or texted throughout the year. Even though we’d always see each other in the hallway we’d never wave or say “Hi,” and slowly we became acquaintances. I mean things were never like this two years ago when we just became friends. It all begins from fifth grade when I and Jackson both had an umbrella that looked almost identical or probably the same. 

One of my guy friends James jokingly said: “ Are you guys dating or something you and Jackson have the same umbrella.” 

Right in front of me and Jackson, at that time I didn’t know why I and Jackson both ran and chased James down for saying that. We just ran after James until we both got tired and had to leave school when our parents came to pick us up from the after school program. 

A few days later my friend Ava told me she knows someone who likes Jackson. When I heard that I was surprised, I didn't know what I should say since I also secretly have a crush on him. Ava told me who she was and she was from a grade lower than me and Jackson. But because I'm the type of person to hide my feelings as long as possible. So, I decided to help her get to know him, however, things didn't go the way I thought it would.

Ever since then, I would always ask questions that Ava's friend wanted to know but slowly I found myself adding in more questions that I personally want to know. I told myself that “I can't do this, I should back away, there's no way we would be together, it's impossible,” I thought to myself.

Until one day in the cafeteria, Ava and I were playing around then I was slightly pushed by her but, that push made me lose my balance. For some reason I felt a force pushing my back, unable to stop stepping forward, seeing everything in slow motion, then the crowded place became a straight opening leading me to one direction. Then when I looked ahead I saw him too unable to stop his steps running towards my direction, our eyes met for a slight second and we turned our backs at the same time in order to not you know, hit each other in the face. 

After we crashed into each other we didn't talk or say sorry and just turned around walking away as if nothing happened, I mean it felt so awkward having to crash into each other and it had to be us. A crash may be normal but having a crowd of people leaving the cafeteria and going in different directions. Being pushed at the same time, the same direction, people moving away in order for us to crash is like mind-blowing to have all this happening at the same time and the fact that we couldn’t stop our feet. Maybe it's just coincidence but why is it so dramatic, like fate brought us together, or it's just me thinking too much I really don't know. However, after that, I started to believe I should give myself a chance and be brave about the fact that I should show him that like him. 

So I decided to talk to Ava and after I told her what was going on, what surprised me was when she said “I knew you liked him.” with a bright smile on her face. 

I was so stunned and stared at her,” I guess sometimes your friend knows you better than yourself,” smiling back to Ava.  

 Then I decided to go to the same middle school as Jackson and applied to the school he chose. Surprisingly I got into the same middle school; I felt so happy and excited wondering if we’ll be in the same class next year. 

During the summer of fifth grade, we would always call each other to meet up in the park. Even though we weren’t able to go to the park every day, when we were at the park, it felt like time passed by so quickly. Funny thing is I would always slap him in the back when he does something dumb and he would never fight back. There was this one time I accidentally slapped his glasses off of his face and it broke, he seemed so upset; I felt an ache inside my heart, I wanted to comfort him but I felt like it wasn’t my place to give him a hug and say comforting words. I sat next to him and had a war going on inside my head whether I should apologize. 

 OH! If I didn’t tell you we were classmates in fourth grade, which is why I was able to speak to him naturally because I didn’t find myself liking him. Not just so but I did something really dumb to him then, I uh… kicked him down there for no apparent reason; then he pushed me halfway across the gym, actually flying half of the way and slid down the other half. But even after that, we were still good friends later on. What’s worse was I even chased him with a ruler in my hand, because our after school teacher wanted me to give him a “lesson,” well, of course, I didn’t really hit him and nor did the teacher wanted that. But now that I think about it, I was so abusive and childish as a kid. 

Soon, that summer break went by quickly and we were in different classes. I didn't see any classmates from my grade school and felt very alone. Then a guy came in while waiting for more classmates in 614 to come in, he was Jackson’s close friend from elementary. Soon he and I became close friends, maybe because we were the only ones from the same grade school and we recognized each other immediately. You know that feeling you get when you know you know this person from your school even without knowing their names. As the months go by my class was known as the one with the worst behavior to our dean even though it was just for little problems here and there.

 One day our academy dean came to our class saying “You people will not be in the same class for the next two years since you all think it’s funny.” 

We didn’t believe him at first and thought he was not going to seriously do it but as soon the time came to graduate from sixth grade, we had to believe what he said. As expected I got into a different class than everyone since the dean remembers my name clearly from the rest of 614. This year I got into 728, where I meet my future best friend Ray; by the way, the class wasn’t the best class to be in because uh… many had bad grades and they were a little annoying in my point of view. 

However, I didn’t get affected by others and worked my way up because I didn’t want to let my parents down and I just wanted to feel more accomplished. I slowly forgot my intention of why I wanted to come to my middle school and became more focused on my education than everything else. I stayed around my school and my house, for the most part, it led to me growing apart from many people. 

As naive as I was, I thought the school year would end without drama. But, it’s always the same teacher that made me feel so stressful and impossible to have good grades in. It was like she purposely targeted me, disliked me, and made me feel so depressed. As usual, I have Ms.T’s class last period every single day, it’s the only class I hated to attend to so much. However, that one specific day, my friend asked me for a pencil and so I turned around to hand it to her. Suddenly, Ms.T yells “Dona! Why are you interrupting the class! Do I need to talk to your parents!”

 I didn’t understand why she just randomly accused me of interrupting while everyone in the class was chattering yet she only called on me. I got really annoyed and didn’t know how to deal with her anymore. I tried to stay calm, I even told her “Please stop this,” with tears but she just doesn't know when to stop.

 After telling her please stop, I cried so hard and couldn’t take it anymore because she insulted me and my family. I told her, “It’s okay if you want to insult me but don’t drag in my parents, they’re not responsible for my actions towards you. It’s because you're forcing me to be in this state,” after a moment of silence she stared at me with anger and continued her lecture. 

Soon class ended and I was on my way to homeroom, I felt so mad at her, but the feeling of hopeless struck and all I felt was warm tears falling off of my cheeks. 

While walking in the hallway, I avoided all eye contact possible; I didn’t want anyone to see my weakness. Suddenly my eyes and her eyes meet, it was Jackson’s cousin, Yasmine. I looked away immediately and ran away, hoping she didn’t see my tears. My classmates all tried to comfort me but nothing worked, it just made me burst into tears. However, what I didn’t know then was that Jackson would ask if I was alright the next day.

It was a normal morning, having to wake up early, catching the school bus and arrive at school. However, that day he approached me to ask if I was ok but I was too shy to reply. Well, that’s not the biggest problem, the problem is that I lost my chance to get closer to him like when we were in fifth grade. 

After that incident, I learned to confront what’s ahead of me and not run away from what I’m bothered about. I was finally able to confess to him about my feelings before I went to eighth grade. It was that day when I was walking to my friend’s house, suddenly I saw a face that’s so familiar, (F.Y.I. I'm nearsighted) “OH MY GOD! Its Jackson,” I thought in my head. I never thought I would be able to see him outside of school like this and now we're seeing each other on the streets.

 I was trying to calm myself down and walked past him and suddenly I hear, “Dona!” 

“No, no way he’s calling my name, I probably heard wrong, there’s no way he’d talk to me after that,” I thought. 

 Yet, I wanted to take a chance so I turned around and he was looking into my eyes. I was so nervous and tried to look as normal as possible. 

Then I simply said “Hi,” but it’s not very simple if you know what I mean from what happened before, I couldn’t even speak. It took so much courage for me to even burst that out and look like a normal person without showing that shy and embarrassed in front of him by myself. 

After talking for a short while, he suddenly asked: “Why did your friend take a picture of me?” 

In my head, I was like, “Uhhh I don’t know, maybe because I like you.”

But I ended up taking too long to think of what to say and whether I should tell him that but before I knew it, he began to turn around and walk away, again. 

This time I didn’t hesitate because I don’t want to lose this chance of telling him anymore, even though I was afraid of the outcome. What if he’ll ignore me even more or would it become more awkward between us and all these thoughts ran through my head. However, this time it's different I stopped every negative thought and screamed it out loud, “Because, I love you!”

 Although he did not reply to my confession and just walked away like before. As I looked at him walk away I felt so relieved, from telling him my bottled up feelings for so many years. Years went by and now I wouldn’t feel these mixed feelings towards him anymore because I did what I could and wanted at the moment. I don’t have any regrets. Although, it’s true that before whenever I saw him my heart raced and always felt as if my face is really red. Today, I am very proud of what I did looking back at it, even though the outcome wasn’t happily ever after.