Transferring to four different schools across the United States in four years is a unique journey. The total distance, 384 miles, not only represents a checkpoint but also symbolizes my personal growth.  

I am the only child in my family and the youngest girl cousin. My parents and I maintain a close relationship to the point where there is no need for us to talk much. My cousins prioritize me, so they fill in the missing brother figure I have always wanted. Aside from my family, I also have many friends. A few of them grew up with me while some were introduced by other friends. Therefore, for the past fourteen years, I was surrounded by love and didn’t lack friendship. 

In 2015, I transferred from an all girl's Catholic school in Rochester to a Christian school in Boston. On the first day, when I walked onto the campus at Boston Trinity Academy, I stood in front of a tall, red building, and all around me giggles and shouts from the girls echoed in the wind. I felt cold. Although my weight is not much heavier than that of a leaf, I couldn't hold myself upright. Piercing through my back, the wind blew right into my face. The girls all seemed taller, although they were all clearly shorter than me.

As I walked into my first biology class ten minutes late, the teacher smiled at me. However, the students all stared at me like I had three heads. Heart racing, face burning, I quietly strode to my seat with my head held high. While sitting in my seat, I half-listened and just observed my surroundings. Time flew by until the teacher caught my attention by breaking us into a group to do labs.

During the lab, the other three girls started talking like they had known each other for years, never missing a beat. At that moment, I wished I could have had made myself invisible. That embarrassment was real and raw, something I had never experienced before. I attempted to introduce myself and tell them my name once; however, all they said is “Oh okay, nice to meet you” and resumed their talking. All of a sudden, I realized how much I missed my old school in Rochester, especially the first day of school. There, people who I encountered in the hallway all welcomed me with open arms and curiosity. Students in each of my classes asked my name and my origin, some of them also hugged me with their strong arms. It’s not only about them showing interest in knowing me but also accepting me to their community. Oh God, how I missed them!

The first day of school at Boston Trinity Academy was normal but slow. Every class had been similar to my biology class. As I walked home, I looked back at the giant building. It was cold. When I got home, I ran to my bedroom, opened the third drawer of my closet, typed in my passcode, and quickly took out the red notebook. I started flipping the pages and looked at my friends' pictures. I suddenly felt empowered because I knew that I was not alone. I still have friends who support me. I determined that making connections with new classmates was not the most important thing in my life. My life didn’t depend on them.

Over the next two months, I gradually got used to this new environment. Accepting everyone as strangers protected me from getting hurt and I was more relieved. I kept telling myself that there was no need for communication. It was enough.

Until one day, when my whole mindset changed.

I forgot to bring my tracksuits with me for my gym class. I panicked because I am scared of the teacher calling on me in front of everyone. Surprisingly, the girls from my biology class lent me their clothes without missing a beat. I was confused and my heartbeat sped up. During the gym class, I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t figure out why they helped me. After that long 40 minutes of class contemplating, I finally approached them.

I said, “Uhhh, thank you so much for helping me out.” Heart racing, face burning again.

They replied, “Oh, don’t worry about it.”

After a two minute pause, I mumbled, “Bye! See you tomorrow.”

As I walked out, they yelled back at me, “If you have any questions, we will help you but you have to ask first.”

I yelled back, “Alright,” and sprinted back to my locker room, my heart beating fast again. This time, instead, I felt relieved and powerful. I thought I didn't need their help because I had enough friends. They weren't important to me. Now, I know I had forced myself to think this way; I pretended I didn't care. I started writing down my thoughts in my journal. "Being the initiator in a new relationship in a new environment takes courage, but it’s impossible to stay in one’s comfort zone and hide away from it." I carry this journal with me still today.

It took me three months to face my weakness. It was hard because I wasn’t exposed to a situation where I need to build relationships in a new environment. However, I always know that life is a process of self-discovery; one realizes the weakness and changes.

The next day, I woke up when the sunshine shone on me. As I walked onto campus, I stared at the tall building again. This time, I seemed taller and it felt warmer.