I’m always feeling the same like I’m just a body. A body with good grades and a small house. Almost like I have no soul. Like in just a hollow doll.
            In the morning I throw on a hoodie and jeans. Once I finish I leave. That’s it. I see no point in dressing up if no one will notice anyway.
            As if my mind isn’t bad enough, school is hell. I don’t want to go, but what else can I do? I don’t want to pay attention, but my husk of a body does.
            This isn’t a suicide note. Im just going to continue “living” with no meaning. I’m not different from anyone else I still have my own struggle. I just don’t have depression if that’s what you’re thinking.I’m just struggling. It’s hard to deal with your problems when if you try to cope everyone decides that you need help, you might kill yourself, and you need to be locked away!
Having friends aren’t any help. Yes, they are good distractions from my mind and how I feel. But my personality around around anyone is faked. That’s not how I really think. To cope I make twisted and dark jokes. I don’t just say them when you first meet me. I make jokes toward the same meaning, and if you don’t show any signs of being uncomfortable. I’ll continue but with my true humor. Which isn’t what my last friends did. They let me make those jokes! They invariably told me they where ok! But then they just left me. They quit with me. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve been really happy while they’ve been gone, but that interaction really just made me realize that I cant show who I am. No madder how traumatized they say they are, because I’m the only true traumatized one. They can say they have depression, but they will just turn me in when I trust them like the last time. They’ll just decide that they are done with me. Well I’m done with me too, but I cant just leave. No! I have to deal with it. I have no choice. I was put in this husk, but I cant do self harm, drugs, or alcohol because this stupid husk never has the energy to do any thing. I don’t want to hut my self so I’ll feel something. I can feel things. It’s just my feelings are too real for my self, and I can’t understand them. I can think I like someone but then the next day I just don’t. Why? Why can every one else like people? Why can they just decide if they like someone? Ive tried all of it.