When I came home from physical therapy, I was sat down in my living room. I was very confused as to why me and my siblings were all sitting on the couch. When my mom got home, she and my dad had told us that grandma had a stroke this morning, and she didn't have long left to live. After she was done telling us this bad news, we had so many questions like, how long until she dies, or would we be going to school for the rest of the month, could we visit her, how is she, or how's grandpa dealing with all of this? After we were done talking about this, we all went into our rooms and started sobbing and slobbering all over everything and texting our friends and family. Or at least I did. 

My parents decided to take us out of school until she had passed after we finished the rest of this week for school. During school was really hard. All I could think of was, how’s grandma doing, is she dead yet, am I going to get a call right now, I should've made more memories with her, is she going to be dead when I get home, is she feeling better, what is she doing right now, is grandpa with her right now, is she eating at all? 

We would stay at the hospital for a long time visiting her, from like 6:00 am to 10:00 pm. When we are at the hospital visiting her, we would sing songs to her/with her, play games with her, play around with the little toddlers. We would even tell her memories of what had happened at this family reunion and that family reunion, and all of that good fun stuff. 

My grandparents have 10 children, 38 grandchildren, and 40 great-grandchildren, everybody was staying at our house, which has 5 bedrooms, 2 baths, and everything else, the whole entire house was dirty, full, crammed and it felt like i just couldn't breath there.  It was so crowded there, that people offered to sleep outside in a tent or on the porch. My bed was the first to go, because it is right across from my grandparent's room, and that bed in there was for people who stayed there to take care of my grandparents. So, When Tracey asked me if I had a bed, I said no, and she said, my place is always open for you if you want to use a bed. I took it because then, I would get more space to cry alone, text my friends about how i'm feeling, and maybe be able to get some sleep.  

Zoebell is one of the dogs that they have, she really helped me get through the night more. When I was about to cry, she would come over to me and snuggle me to make sure that I don't cry anymore. She really helped too, because when I just wanted to pet a dog, she was right there. I really could not sleep because I was worried about my grandma too much. I was also stressed from worrying about school, even though, I did not go. I knew when I came back, that I had lots of homework to do, and to get caught up in like a months work and stuff.

I remember this one particular moment when I, Annika and a lot of my family were singing to her, I really felt something that I cannot explain. It was a super good feeling, like, something, or someone was watching over me and everybody else there, but mostly my grandma. I think it could've been Ginger, my dead aunt, because it was a really spiritual feeling. Almost like stress was lifted off my shoulders. I don't know how else to explain it, it felt really good, there are no other words for what I felt. When we were singing, everybody cried at some point. I wanted to, but I did not till the end of when we were singing. After that, I looked at Annika and started balling my eyes out, then I had to leave because I couldn't stop, and my grandma wanted to leave Earth with smiles, and laughs. Annika really helped be there with/for me. Now we are closer than we have ever been. I had depression then because I mean, who wouldn't, right?

I also remember when we would all need cheering up, we would scare the toddlers, or play with them in that hospital room. I saw my grandma crying tears of joy when this happened. We would smile, and laugh a lot, just to make my grandma happier. I loved that amazingly glowing smile on her face.

Once my grandma knew that she would not be here, on Earth any longer, she told me to take care of my grandpa. “Watch him like an Eagle,” she said. When she told me this, she asked for one of my cousins. I'm pretty sure that she tried to tell everybody something before she died. But not like in the movies, more like when she was still in the hospital, and she could actually talk. After she had told me this, I started heading to the bathroom because I did not want to cry in front of everybody else.

When my grandma wasn't getting any better, we got hospice, and that was, a home providing care for the sick or terminally ill. We would just play card games at home, eat a bunch of ice cream mostly, and tell stories, memories, that grandma was in, my house was full of laughter,  beautiful smiling faces, and just full of happiness, even though my grandma was right there, over in the next room dying. 

The day she died, was on april 12, 2018 6:25 pm, I do not remember all of it, but I do remember when it happened and what exactly happened when she did die. I was texting my friends about my grandma when I noticed that her was chest was caving in, this was her last breath. When I saw that, I said, she's dying right now! She's leaving us! Everybody rushed to the living room as quickly as they could to get her. I just watched her go, with everybody else watching her, some people holding her hand, and crying, some hugging her, as she took her last breath. When she had passed, she was green and stiff. I sat down, looking at her, and all of a sudden, I felt someone hugging me, and I knew it was her.

Love you, grandma Gwen.