Any attempt to draw attention to myself was either ignored or ended negatively. Except for the day I got one of the main roles in a play. It was an opportunity for me to finally be noticed. I got to be known, even if it was more a character than myself. I was so excited knowing that I got to be in a play… until it hit me that I was actually in a play. 

I had lines to remember — a lot of lines. I have a poor memory that always forgets sentences once they leave my mouth. This made me nervous because I did not want to mess up my lines on stage, where I would have all those eyes staring at me and the rest of the cast standing there awkwardly as I choked. Throughout the time I had to memorize my lines, I could barely watch TV without thinking about how those actors could remember their lines so easily.

I felt so behind from the rest of the group. It sounded so simple — just remember some sentences and say them. Yet, the rest of the cast seemed to be able to memorize them so easily, and I could not. All I wanted to do was hide from everyone. I did not want to see how disappointed they were. All I could do was cry, which is what I always do under any form of stress. 

One day, I realized something that made me less anxious: everyone else on the cast was on the same page. Truthfully, I still felt behind, but I was not alone. They also had some struggles with remembering their lines, it was not just me. We had to work together to figure it out. I was still nervous, but less knowing the others were with me. 

On opening night, I wasn’t as focused on my nervousness until I was waiting offstage with the rest of the cast, looking at my script one last time to make sure I remembered my lines correctly. It was time.

Standing next to the person I was about to walk on stage with, both of us gathered some last-minute courage. I had to act cocky and full of myself — it was my character. Tonight, I was no longer my side-character self. I was the main character — the one who gets to have a loud voice and stage presence. I burst open the prop door and proudly recited my lines. The lights on the stage were so bright, making the crowd look like nothing more than a dark void. I was not nervous, not a bit. It almost felt like a rehearsal, but with chuckles from the audience every now and then. 

The rest of the play was mostly a blur, I just remember repeating my next line over and over in my head until it was my turn to speak, and checking my script offstage every time the stage crew changed the set. Even though I was so stressed and worried the entire time before the play, getting on the stage was relieving. It felt so natural and free to be there. It made me want to smile when I heard the crowd laugh, but I had to stay in character. I could run around the stage without feeling a thing.

Once the play was over, we all walked backstage and had just a moment of silence before we all cheered and celebrated our first night. After changing out of my costume, I walked out front to see my sister there. My friends wanted to celebrate by going to IHOP, so my sister dropped us off there.

The second night was a blur, almost forgettable to me. I just assume it went well. The third night, not my proudest in my opinion. Truthfully, I was already getting bored from doing the same play three nights in a row. We missed a page of dialogue but it sailed smoothly, I would say. The thing that made it memorable was the end. My family was there to see it. My grandparents, my parents, my uncles, my siblings, and some of my cousins. All of them.

I was so happy, and they were so surprised I could be that loud. Thinking I would freeze on the spot for constantly being so shy and soft-spoken. Even my mom said she was proud, which is not something I hear that often from many people, but especially from her. I took pictures with the crew and with some of my family in my costume before I changed out of it. My main character role was now over and put away. It did not take long for the effects of my natural side-character role to take its place once again. 

I had attention and the stage for three days. I got to be someone for once, even if that someone was not me. I knew what it was like to be the main character. I will miss receiving that much positive attention, but maybe I can earn it again one day. Either way, I have to remember, life is not a show and I’m not a side character in it.