Memoir

This is the day everyone was dreading to come. Everything started with both my grandparents being extremely sick for months, and not being able to take care of themselves. 

During those months their house got really bad due to cats, and their crazy backyard, but finally my grandma got better. Although she got better, my grandpa did not. He was hospitalized in his house and you could tell he was struggling. It sucked completely. Everytime we went over to see him my mom would say “keep a brave face” but I never did. I was over done with emotions and could not contain them. I felt like no one really understood how my sister and I were feeling. All three of us had such a close bond, so it was hurting to wake up everyday and go about my day knowing that he was dying. After so long he passed away, but did give it his all. You could tell it was time though he was hurting. 

This all happened in the big covid-19 time period, so with the safety and him being a veteran we waited and waited until we could have a proper ceremony to honor what he did when he served. While waiting he was cremated and we took a trip to galveston to spread the ashes and be there together as family. We all woke up at sunrise to get down to the beach. While walking down there you could just smell the fresh air, and the waves coming in and all the loud noises just sounded too peaceful in the moment. It was upsetting to finally let go of him, but it was refreshing to be there for my grandma and have her not be alone. Also my sister and I got an amazing little necklace with some of his ashes inside of it, so I guess I never really let him go, but I do know he's in a better place and that makes me happy. 

Finally after a couple of more months his funeral day rolls around. I woke up not excited. I was very tired and not ready to face the day. I wanted to just  go back to sleep and just skip what was ahead of me. My family and I finish getting ready though, and we are sitting in the living room just waiting for the right time to leave. It was silent, but not. It was that awkward silence where you just stared and tried to talk without making the day go dark. Surprisingly we will still be the first ones there and I guess a little early, but we sat and waited. It was cold..gloomy and kinda like a bad feeling. Once everyone got there we got back in our car, and followed the man who was doing all the speaking to the area it was located at. I was starting to get nervous. I did not know what to expect.. I've never been to a funeral for someone I was this close to. 

Eventually everyone gets to their seats. Outside in the cold rain only under a little box roof.   We all just with a blank look on our faces listen to the man begin speaking. It was hard, I tried to bear my emotions, but they all overcame me. I start to ball and then goes sister, and everyone else around us. It's near the end now and with everyone starting to calm down while they do the final goodbye. The soldiers fold the flag and hand it to my grandmother, and then they fire their shots from the gun. It's all over now. My grandpa is really gone, and all I could do is accept the feelings I have left with me. I felt really out of place with my feeling it was just odd. I was happy he got the honor he deserved and was no longer in the pain he felt months before this, but emotional as well. He was gone but better so I let that sit and I didnt cry for the rest of the day because I felt better knowing he is in better care now. 

Till this day I still struggle with the fact he has been gone. He was my grandpa and I spent some of my best moments with him. He was there for me through rough times, the times I called him late for homework help and ect. He made things simpler, but I know he would be proud of me for who I make myself out to be. Although he hasn't been in person with me since sixth grade, I can tell he still never left my side. I miss him more than anything, but I have learned how to handle my emotions about this through the years. I am gonna lose loved ones, but it's part of life and I have to be okay with that.