Most people would say that school is where you feel like an outsider the most, but for me it was always just trying to fit in with everyone. I had always gotten certain looks. Mostly because of my last name. It wasn’t a name you heard often, probably because it’s Chinese and I had always lived in America. 

“Ms. King Ching? Is that really your last name?” I had always felt singled out. Usually it was white teachers that would mock my last name or repeat it back to me in a particularly disrespectful tone. Sometimes it was even other POC teachers that would do that, or ask me what country I’m from or why that’s my last name. I never really had an answer. I always thought about it. 

“How can you explain why your name is what it is?” I thought to myself. 

I could never find an answer. I knew it had been a part of my family for years, as it was my Dad’s and his Dad’s last name. I asked him about why our last name isn’t like other kid’s last names. He told me a story about how when my Grandpa was a kid, my Great Grandpa gave him his Chinese name, and when immigrating to America the name he entered was misinterpreted by whoever was writing it down, which resulted in his last name being entered as King Ching. 

As a kid I hated that I was Chinese, other kids would pull their eyes back and mock me or repeat my last name and yell “Ching chong ching!” at me. For a large part of my life I had wished I was fully white, or wished that my mom had given me her last name instead. It was only after going into highschool that people started to respect my name. Not because they didn’t want to be racist, but because anime had become more mainstream and people thought it was cool that I was an Asian kid with an Asian name. Some even fetishized me for it. Telling me how much I looked like an “anime girl” and commenting on my breasts. I could never get away from it. 

I’ve started to appreciate my culture more now. I learned how to cook Chinese food and my family appreciates my cooking. I also started celebrating Chinese holidays and learning more about what it means to be Chinese. I’m proud of my ethnicity and I regret not being proud of it before.