As I heard the news, I didn’t know what to think or say. I felt the familiar salty warm tears I had once felt before falling down my face. Is what I am hearing true? I felt as if I was in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. “She’s gone,” I thought to myself. I was in denial and told myself, “This isn’t happening.” I wanted to see her, but I felt as if I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get the words that I wanted to say out of my mouth. My heart was aching, and I just stood there, tears running down my face.

It was a fall afternoon, and I heard my phone ringing. It was my best friend’s mom. As I answered the phone, I heard her crying. She told me to sit down, so I did. My heart was racing since I was concerned about why she was crying. She told me the news straight away. “She passed away.” Those words are forever burned into my memories. My best friend just passed away. The one person who helped me out of a dark depressing place is now gone. The warm tears falling down my cheeks soon turned into a waterfall flowing down my face. 

I was taken to the hospital where she was. I met her family there, and they told me everything that happened. Her family held a funeral for her so we could all say our last goodbyes. When I arrived, I saw the casket, and my heart felt heavy. I wanted to say so many things that I should’ve said before, but I couldn’t let out one word. It was like I was muted. All I could do was cry. I wanted to know why. Why did God take her away knowing she’s the one person helping me stay on my feet?

I was always a shy person and I never talked to anyone. I would even get bullied at school for it by other kids. Eventually, I was overcome with depression. Then one day in fall, she came into the picture as a new transfer student and helped me build my confidence. I looked up to her for that. I became less shy and started putting my own opinion out there because of her. After the funeral, I didn’t feel the same. I went back to being the same introverted kid I once hated. Since I lost the person helping me build my confidence, I just crawled back into that familiar, dark, depressing hole.

I want to go back to the person she helped me to  create. I want to fulfill the dream we had of graduating and become somebodies in this world. I will make it someday , and I hope to make her proud. Today marks the fourth season of fall since she passed. Four years without her, and I'm still trying to process it. Four years, and I'm still hoping that I will wake up from this dream to see her and hear her yelling at me, “Wake up or we’re going to be late for school!” I love this time of year because it reminds me of her and it takes me back to the first time I met her. I remember all of the memories we made. Now It’s here again. Fall, the season when I met her, is here. The season she left me  is here. Another fall without her is here.