It’s always there, a smidge of feeling at the back of my head. It’s barely noticeable, but persistent in its role. It’s a craving, a desire for any knowledge that is laid in front of me. It’s been there since I was small and has never ceased to grow larger and larger. I have no desire to stop its growth, no matter what. I have even grown to love the persistent growth in the back of my mind. 

If I had to pin-point a time in which this desire grew exponentially, I would have to say when I finally got a phone. I was open to a world of information of all kinds and I had the choice to sort through and find whatever I wanted. I have never stopped being amazed at how this small, black rectangle could hold so much information. To hold the knowledge of the world in my palm and gently pad through source after source of dark information set upon a light background has always been a comfort and a way to temporarily satiate the hunger for knowledge. Yet the cool touch of glass was always a reassurance that all I needed to do was look in the right places to find what I was looking for. 

One of these sources happened to be one I had found while I was curled up on my plush bed. Pillows and blankets surrounded me as I listened to the audio coming from my phone. I was able to simply sit back and listen to the man’s words of wisdom as I simply relaxed into the mound of pillows to my left and searched through the small, plastic organizer to my right, filled with pens, pencils, and small trinkets that had caught my eye. At the time it was a cool day, so I was clad in long sleeves, a hoodie, and pants alongside the blanket that I had draped over myself to keep warm. It was the perfect conditions to simply sit back and find any new knowledge, I tend to thrive whenever I get comfortable and search. 

The man I had found had a kind face and a slightly dopey smile as he spoke about various movies depicting gore and terror. He had on a short-sleeved tropical shirt with the top button undone and the collar ever-so-slightly off kilter. He spoke with a soft southern twang and a lilting voice that matched well with his tanned skin and raven, shoulder length hair and beard. He sat in a chair in front of a cream wall adorning a whiteboard and a corner holding various small trinkets. He spoke with enthusiasm, and at times a nervousness, that had brought me joy as he conveyed information about those movies. I was enthralled. It had ended up being just over an hour and a half when he concluded his exploration of the depths of the list of movies he’d found. 

In the end I couldn’t help but be ecstatic at his in depth explanations and the flow of a one sided discussion. At that moment I knew that I needed to hear more from him, to get as much information from him as I could. This gave me a rush that I had to keep going, to keep learning. I needed any and all information that he could give me, even if it wasn’t information that I would ever need in my life. Who would need to know about the story of Junko Furuta, or nearly 10 hours worth of conspiracy theories? It may be offhanded information, but it’s information all the same and it expands my own view on the world around me. It brings me joy and fills my head with topics that may or may not be useful to anything that I come across. 

Yet, even though my love for knowledge doesn’t always bring me anything I need, I carry it with me with pride. I have read millions of words and listened to millions more in search of some new knowledge to add to my ever growing collection of innate facts and helpful tips that I could use later on. However, the information I find will not always be of any use to me at any point in time and it becomes a tidbit that lingers in the back of my mind, forever sitting in the vast world of connections with no true purpose. In the end, my hunger for knowledge will always be there and I will always attempt to satiate its hunger for a while before repeating the wondrous cycle of a desire being fulfilled.