A blooming handful of violet flowers,

The beautiful journey of being loved and lost.

A body, fragile and breakable, yet as light and magnificent as a blossomed plant. 

Weeping and eroding as time progresses to the end, 

The journey of life is revealed.

Losing a loved one, a special person, is a pain one should not bear. The duality of life should be reflected in every individual in order to live through their memory. 

My precious person is still alive and kicking on this planet. Although, her thin, shiny hair could practically wash away in the wind and her legs no longer support her like they used to. Her daily tasks have grown to become tiring and more involved. A walker will always be spotted by her side, to support her heavy weighted heart and body. She is often having to visit doctors for check ups, almost weekly. Her full heart began to lose its strength so blood began to leak from her valves. Her body is failing but her soul is still flourishing.

The lungs of a fragile being implode during the last gasping breaths.

A shaking, violent rattle is emitted from their mouth,

The mouth of your sunshine. 

Pain shudders through their body, 

Almost enough to where their fingertips are able to transfer such harsh energy.

As I grow up, I begin to reflect and perceive the reality behind her failing body. Her spirit still flows with grace and the light rays she emits brighten a room, but her body can no longer suffice at her age. Piece by piece, I watch her fade. Even though she is still functioning, the reality behind the concept of the person in front of you being taken by the dreary future is ever so draining.

 I appreciate and long for every moment I spend with her. She is like sweet candy; sweet candy with a sour punch, makes you smile but pucker your lips after a taste. The bitterness that touches your taste buds before the sweet tasting candy follows. The feeling is similar to a vicious punch being followed with a warm embrace. She was a hard shelled woman. Strong and independent, yet caring and tender. She has provided me with shining wisdom. Her tone of expression never fades and on her last breath, I believe she will give me the same funky attitude she had built from birth.

On a Tuesday night, after a long day of school and having my social battery be drained, I was in need of a rest. This night upset my routine and further enhanced my ability to worry. I went downstairs to inform my mom of some news that I know her humorous self would find entertaining. I found her standing in the kitchen, eyes red and puffy, face flaking and drooping, not in a way that shows age but her face drooped with sadness. The next words that were uttered from her mouth fell on the floor like a dead weight. They sat there staring back at me. She told me that my nana was hospitalized and found hallucinating in her front lawn. My mom couldn’t get a word out after that. The words glared into my mind as everything became foggy. The air became thin and I longed for more information to heal the feeling of a brick in my gut. Seeing my mom so weak in that moment made me realize I needed to hold back my tears. The waterfalls I wanted to release needed to be subdued in order to keep peace and to stay strong. She was hurting thinking about her own mother in this situation and I was hurting thinking of the pain my mother was going through. The relationship with my nana is like sunlight. On a gloomy day, the beams of light shining through the murky skies can make someone’s life bright. Our relationship is one of the most important things I hold on to. With this new dilemma, the only thing I was able to do was hold my chest in agony. Staying brave was the only way to power through the enclosing pain in my chest. 

These fragile seconds landed on the surface of my brain and the scene embedded itself into my thoughts every time I closed my eyelids. There it was, all the possibilities, all the answers, all the hope, fear, all the pain, hidden behind my eyes. Unable to reach the answers, I learnt to settle within my thoughts and embrace the fear of the unknowing. This night allowed me to reflect on all sorts of situations. I wonder how I was able to stay brave through the gut wrenching pain that was just thrusted at my face. The pain that comes behind worry and fear, of losing your special sunshine, battled within me for a while. A while enough where I can reflect on the strength I endured to keep a fearless face for my mother in agony. Although I may still have my sunshine, the ending that is rapidly approaching nails itself into my brain. Watching the woman who completes my puzzle be taken piece by piece.

Gut wrenching pain to witness this event,

Seeing someone lose grip of their soul.