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Safety Pins
This all started with a hey. One little word that can change your life, depending on who you say it to. I just so happened to say it to a guy. A guy who now I can't go a day with out thinking about. The curse of being a girl, you fall to fast for someone who will hurt you. In my case, has never stopped hurting me. Hes always there, in the corner of my mind repeating that day over and over. To the point where I memorized every little detail of the room. The color, the lighting, the smell, and even the people in it. The people who happened to be him and me. Laying there, just waiting. Waiting for one of us to gain the courage to say what had just happened. A story that is like every other story now and days about a girl falling for a boy. And this all started with hey.
At the time it seemed like a good idea, IM a complete stranger that lives in the town next to you. He seems nice enough. Kind of cute too.
“Hey” is all you type.
“Hi cutie”
“Lol.. Whats up?”
“Wondering if you have a date to your dance..” Oh yeah, the band dance.
“Oh well, my friend is going with me.. But if she bails, why not?”
“Why not what?” One of these guys? You silently think to yourself, a moron who can't seem to figure what I'm saying..
“Oh never mind”
“No, tell me” Hes demanding. But why? Can't he figure it out himself?
“You asked if I had a date, so I said that. Meaning if she bails, I don't”
The conversation seems to go on for hours. And it does. You find out a lot about this random stranger. And strangely, your beginning to like him. You soon have to leave, but the conversation replaying in your head. Like a tape on repeat. Huh. I wonder where he lives. You mentioned this and said the name of a store near your house. His response, I can ride my bike there in two minutes. Really? That close? But I don't ever remember seeing him.. Oh well. I guess I can try to forget this.. Hes just going to move onto the next girl tomorrow. But he doesn't. You get online and theres a message from him. Oh. I guess I was wrong.. You two are talking again. You ask his favorite color, its orange. And you say yours, which is purple, and he mentions how its like Halloween colors, they fit together. Huh. This guy is a flirt. He says he needs to tell me something. Something that freaks most people out. Ok? Tell me.. Hes not a virgin. So what? Hes had sex before. Well, I've never been kissed. You tell him that, and he says I want to be your first kiss..
A week goes by, and everyday you guys talk. About whatever you want. Texting, email, IM-ing, no matter what your talking. You really like him. And he says he likes you too. But does he mean it? Its strange, not knowing. You can't look him in the eyes to see if the truth is there. All you can do is talk. And One day, you plan to meet. To see each other in person. Sounds like fun. So we do. Its awkward at first, when he reaches for your hand. But after a while, it seems right. Like they were suppose to be like this. You walk into the restaurant still linked. And you realize that you haven't said much. He must have noticed too, because soon you start to talk and laugh. More than you have in a long while. His eyes are hazel, and you seem to get lost in them. Soon, too soon, you stand up and head for the car. But before you gain your balance he has wrapped his arms protectively over you. Shocked, you look up, and soon find that he kissed the top of your head. It was sweet. But you have a puzzled look to you. He leans down, and pulls you into a kiss, just a kiss. But the rush it gave you. Dazed, you both walk out, him leading, still holding you, to the car. Sitting in the back seat with you, he grabs your hand. Fingers entwined, and brings you closer to him. And once more, he kisses you. Not like the first, but a deep kiss. Passion, and heat all in the kiss. It seems to last forever. And quietly he whispers “I love you”. So quiet that you almost don't hear it. How do you reply? Does he mean it? What if you say it and then you don't love him. What would happen? Life is full of taking chances right? So you might as well take this one. Just three words. What harm could they do? If only you knew..
You get back to your house, but just as your at the door, he kisses you again. It feels right. But you don't even know.. Everyday after that you talk. You tell him you love him. You give him all you can. Always knowing that he can just throw it away. A week goes by and you plan to hang out again. You go to the movies, and barely even watch it. You realize how happy he's made you, and you don't want it to end. Another week passes. You start to talk to his friends. And thats the downfall. The girl who you started to talk to was his ex, but you didn't know. You start to talk and she says that he told her he loved her on Christmas. At the time only a day ago. Your confused, and hurt. You trusted him. You gave him your heart only to have him break it. You ask him about that, and he denies it. You want to believe him, but the situation grows worse. You break it off to try and stop the pain, but it doesn't work. It just hurts more. A month passes, and hes still on your mind. You've tried and tried to move on, and once, you think you do. A few more days pass, and out of the blue he messages you. “Can we still be friends?”
You want to say yes, but you know if you do, it will end in tears. But your willing to risk it all. You talk and its like before. When all you did was flirt. You start to have feelings for him again, and he claims he has the same. The only problem is his girlfriend. He told you about her. But you didn't care, you just want him back. He tells you he wants your virginity. You don't know how to react. But suddenly everything is secret, not one thing that you guys have planned can be told. No one can know. The next weekend, everything happens. You realize how scared you are. Afraid that by doing this, you'll lose him. Something you never want to deal with again, something you don't think you can. But it all happens too fast for you to think. Theres an awkward feeling when its over, and he just gets up and leaves. You feel like someone had just stabbed you in the heart. But you don't see why.
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