Almost every little kid always believes in Santa. It is just a given fact. It makes the Christmas holiday that much more special. It goes along with everything we know about Christmas. It goes along with theme of giving, the colors, lights, cooking and family. Since little kids are taught to believe that a fat jolly man will get into your house, chimney or not to give you and your family the gift you always wanted, it makes that holiday more meaningful. It was also an excuse to make sure kids are nice because if they aren’t then they will receive a big lump of coal in their stocking. Santa always made Christmas more magical. The mystery of how Santa gets across the whole entire world in just one night with the help from elves and reindeer with a glowing red nose was something that I would always wonder about. My brother and I would make cookies and put the best ones on the Christmas plate, and then go to bed waiting to wake up and see what was under the tree. The fact that this holiday is so innocent and so centered toward kids was the very fact that kids- like me loved it so much. But these magical beliefs don’t last forever, one has to grow up and leave these thoughts as memories.

I was in 5th grade when the first absurd thought crept into my head-Was Santa really real? I don’t know how this thought popped into my head, but it was eating at me for the rest of the day. Every other kid my age told me that, of course, he was real. I tried to believe them, but that thought was still in my head. I decided to think this troubling thought through before I asked my Mom. I went home and saw the decorated tree and the TV was on with Christmas reruns. The smell of pine from a candle wafted through the house. Even surrounded by holiday cheer that thought still was at my mind. He couldn’t really go around the whole world in just one night. No reindeer really ever had a red glowing nose right? There were so many things that pointed to the fact that was Santa like the fact every Christmas commercial referenced Santa- they wouldn’t lie would they? But there were also many clues that pointed to fact that HE was not real. For example the older kids at school that would mumble stuff about the fact of no Santa. I just thought them absurd until now. Or the fact that when my brother and I would try to go bed and when we tried to sneak downstairs on Christmas eve, but get yelled at by my parents, because they were the ones that were putting the presents down underneath the lit tree. Or that Santa has the same red and green reindeer wrapping paper as my Mom. The handwriting that Santa had was really similar to my Dad’s too. Weird. Of course I wouldn’t ask my younger brother this question because he would totally dismiss the thought with the obvious answer, “Of course there is a Santa. Duh”. Since he strongly believes there has never been a shade of doubt that I have ever seen run through his head.

That night I went up to my mom. I took a deep breath and asked the big question that had been gnawing at me the whole day.
“ Mom, is Santa real?”
My mom took a while to respond as to think about how to answer this question. She put down her pen and stopped writing todays grocery list. I knew I shouldn’t of asked her this.’
My mom replied,
“ Well think it’s about time you should know- yes, Santa is not real honey. Sorry. But don’t tell your brother he stills believes”.
I then stood there the answer registering in my head. The thing that I thought true my whole life until now was totally wrong. At the same time I felt a little happy that I knew something my brother didn’t know but also a little jealous of my brother because he still held on to the thrill of Christmas. I felt older as if it was my right of passage out of childhood too. I asked, but I now realize that I didn’t want to hear this answer. I wanted my mom to tell me that of course Santa was real and I could prove those older kids wrong. Santa was the only fairy tale character I thought real until now. I found out the tooth fairy was a lie when I saw my dad put money under my pillow when I was pretending to sleep. I found out the Easter Bunny was a lie too because I was told and I always thought that it was a little creepy that a giant bunny even existed. But now Santa: my favorite out of all these creatures were gone too. I knew I shouldn’t have asked. I wanted that magic to stay. You can’t hold to the magic of childhood forever I know realize People grow up and find their place in the world. It might be kind of tough thinking that Santa is real and still having that innocent thought about the world. But it shows that growing is a part of life and there perks about growing up and there negative parts as well.
Now looking back finding out that there was no Santa the few Christmas weren’t as magical. I didn’t wait in anticipation for Santa on the roof; I didn’t worry if Santa would like the cookies I had made for him. The fact that was no more Santa saddened me for a couple years. But without Santa the Christmas season is still one of my favorite seasons. It’s just not as magical and innocent as it was when I was a little kid. I realize now that with growing up comes many wonderful and new things. For example I will get car, go to college and have a new life. Experience my life in new magical ways that I haven’t yet done in my ten years of believing in Santa. But along with growing up comes responsibility and stresses. Like getting good grades. Or fitting in and worrying about what others think. There are also other things to worry about for example family. Stresses of what parent one will be spending the holiday with because they are divorced or when one will be able to see them next. Growing older one has to learn how to process these things in a mature way because it’s what is expected. It’s hard trying to do well in your family and have good friends. It’s also hard trying to figure out life. But even though Santa is just a small step and there is much more growing I have to do, still I feel that growing up is a part of life and it is an experience that will have wonderful moments and some negative ones too.