Making the transition to High school was like the light switch was finally flipped on and we were all ready to go out there and live our lives. The basketball prodigy that had been playing since he could walk made varsity freshman year, and that quiet girl no one really knew about got her painting in the local art show within months. It hit me a few days ago when the principal stood there congratulating us on finding ourselves- who am I?

The first thing that came to mind was my all time favorite movie The Breakfast Club where that adorable redhead wrote the paper to the principal saying how they all were different people and proud. But it started to bug me, which one would I be? Yeah I play volleyball and do well in school but I'm definitely not the athlete or the brain. And no matter how hard I try I'm no Molly Ringwald and I'm no criminal or basket case so I guess I'm my own original book waiting to be shaped by the choices I make but if I had to tell you now, here is who I am.

When my parents moved me across the country my first year in middle school I didn't speak to them. I came home every night from this place I didn't belong and cried for hours falling to sleep and dreaming of how good my old life was. I wanted to be accepted for my personality but the Main Line is as cut-throat as it gets so I went through a whole transformation to be tolerated at school.

I think whether we want to admit it or not, we all just want to be loved. For two years my only friends were my parents but then I got a solid group of three friends and countless other close friends. Everything felt so good and so right, those three girls were always there and my smiles were now genuine as I went through my day. But one thing life taught me is that everything good comes to an end at some point. Two of my three best friends suddenly decided they were too cool for us and left us, without even acknowledging our presence anymore. Out of this I did receive the greatest gift of my life, my best friend, the one who stayed with me through it all and that I now love more than life itself. I think every relationship reaches a point where something changes, you have your fights, and either fall apart or become even closer and lucky for us, we became an inseparable unit.

It's hard though.

Self conscious doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Facebook was the death of my confidence since I see pictures posted every single weekend of my other "friends" always having parties and me just sitting home wondering why I am never good enough. Every time I look in the mirror my imperfections are as bright as neon fluorescent signs on an empty highway at night. From my nose that could be compared to Cyrano's, to my baby fat still clinging to my face and thighs, it's impossible to feel pretty. I made a resolution this year to focus on the positive sides of my appearance, like my naturally long eye lashes and long legs.

I can only hope that with this new view on life some guy might feel the same way too. Those couples in school make me feel so alone but I only have myself to blame. My struggles with trust and commitment have been visible in almost every joke-of-a-relationship I've had since the fact that my first boyfriend called me a fat cow repeatedly until I broke down in tears and spent the rest of the day crying on the locker room floor. The feeling of my hand intertwined with the warmth of someone else's gives me a fire inside that spreads through my whole body until I actually feel like it's too good to be true.

So when I think about it, the only things I know about myself are that I love the sound of rain while I fall asleep, tears can always make you feel better, The Lumineers are my own personal escape, my brother will always be there for me, my dog will always be there to snuggle, there is no point looking for unachievable perfection, that cute boy in my finance class will come around, and no matter what, I will always wear my personality proudly and judge no one for theirs.

So for right now, I might not know who exactly I am but I will keep dreaming even if it breaks my heart.