It’s funny sometimes when we are out in public and people stare, it was even weirder when I was younger, now I don’t really notice. Every family is different, from looks to personalities to how close everyone is but at the end of the day family is family, blood related or not. In a small town like Cromwell it’s not so tight as to say we all know each other by name but major diversity won’t carry a high percentage around here. I remember days on the playground when we were little, all running around; my brothers would argue and fight, but mom ignored it because we’re siblings what do you expect us to do. There was always one parent, even a kid who would go up to her and tell her that her son and another boy were fighting. When my mom would say, “Oh they’re brothers it’s fine,” the confusion that struck their face made me laugh as they walked away. I suppose it made sense to be confused but it’s the twenty-first century come on; adoption really does happen not just with celebrities ladies and gentlemen. Before having adopted Nick I might have been the same way, but it just shows the little exposure we get to things that are going on in the real world not only occurrences we want to see.
We started the process around 2005-2006 maybe, all I know is that the whole transaction took about 2 years for my parents to deal with everything from the paperwork to training classes. One thing that stuck is, for ages my younger brother Jack would ask for a little brother because he didn’t think it was fair being the only boy with two older sisters. Of course that wasn’t the only reason we decided to adopt, but I have a sensation that it sprouted from that and grew in my parents’ heads. Before we adopted Nick, Jack and I were as inseparable as siblings can get with the occasional fighting here and there. We slept in the same room, and we played together. It could have been because we were only two years apart whereas my older sister, Grace, was four years older than me and once I grew out of the darling baby stage she could care less about me.

It was around October 2007 when we finally were informed about Nick and he came for a brief visit with his social worker; he was age 3 ½ and I was 9 ½, so being promised my new sibling would be younger was as magnificent as the shmorgishborg of presents under the tree on Christmas morning. Knowing I would be old enough to remember the toddler years and be the best big sister ever made the idea even better! It was enjoyable for me, basically owning a real baby doll, I could hand him off when he cried for I was not yet old enough to change a diaper or babysit or even worry. He obviously turned into my new favorite and I dropped Jack like a hot potato. Eventually visits weren’t supervised and they transformed into sleepovers, then weekend stays. When the season came around he even stuck about for the holidays; he quickly filled into the definition of family for us even just knowing the little booger for 3 months. Soon after he moved in with all of his toys and belongings from his foster mother’s house, and the adoption process began to come to a finalization. Everything was running smoothly then there was a bump, there had to be right it was becoming too good to be true.

Nick’s foster mother decided that after months of being with him, that once he had a real family and was about to be adopted she wanted to adopt him herself. Nicholas was young and had been with her for longer so of course we were confused and nervous. The woman proposed threats and made up stories and lies to make our family look bad so she could become his full time mom. Eventually she ended the battle because she realized where Nick would be better off and we didn’t have to worry anymore because he was living with us. The entire experience with his foster mom helped enhance the importance of family even if not blood related and how attached you get to people so quickly. Finally on August 18, 2008 Nick legally became a part of our family even though he had been with us for almost a year already. I guess it feels like he’s been there forever, maybe because he came at such a young age or I just don’t walk around anymore thinking that he’s adopted.
Not only did he bring a new experience into my families life but he was an eye opener to many other people. When I was in fourth grade I brought Nick in for a special show and tell to talk about what adoption was like. It seems odd, saying I brought my brother in for show and tell like my favorite stuffed animal. During the day my mom brought him in and he walked in with a bag of Rice Krispy Treats so right away the other students loved the activity and paid close attention as I “presented” him. To do this I made index cards with frequently asked questions on them so there would be a discussion and I wouldn’t just be in front of the class saying “This is my brother.” Answering the question “Where is he from?” is one I distinctly remember, most likely because now and then I still get asked this. I knew it would be asked because with adopted kids, especially of different races than the family, people tend to assume the child is from another country. It could be because you see celebrities adopting children from Asia and Africa like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Nick was born in Hartford and has lived in Connecticut his whole life. People guessed Africa stereotypically and telling them his hometown was genuinely shocking, it was a interesting experience for everyone.
I wouldn’t go all the way to say it gets hard, but sometimes it would become irritating when people know me as ‘the girl with the adopted brother’ or ‘the white girl with the black brother.’ I find that it’s a stupid label, and shouldn’t be such a big deal . They wonder if he gets treated differently or kinder, no he is not treated differently just because of the life he used to have that he was too young to even remember. A couple years ago my family went camping out in Rhode Island and there was a small beach area there and I knew a couple of my friends were going to be camping in the area too. My family went to the beach and I ran into my friends along the way and as we were standing around talking and I hadn’t noticed Nicholas casually standing nearby just staring up at us and one of my friends whispered, “Who is that kid staring at us?” I didn’t realize she was talking about my brother that I finally noticed was there and asked who, eventually she just pointed at him to make it easier exclaiming, “That little black kid!” After I realized that she was talking about Nick I stated, “Oh that’s my brother.” She apologized after we stopped laughing, I was unsure why figuring she meant because she called him black or something I didn’t really mind it’s no big deal. I chuckle at that even now because people are all the same way about adoption, closed-minded, sticking to what they already know even though it is all very different.
Nick brought with him a broader knowledge and extent of acceptance to all of us and those whose lives he has been apart of. Some people are very ignorant and naive not just to adoption but basic and common life situations. On the last day of 8th grade I went to ECS with my friend to pick up her sister and decided to visit my brother while we were there, we found his classroom and popped in to say hi. His teacher was talking to me as we were surrounded by his fellow students and I hugged Nicholas, just then one of his classmates asked me “Are you Nick’s sister?” I said yes and then she asked me why he was black and I was white, it didn’t make any sense if both my parents were white too. I tried not to laugh and told her he was adopted, the lack of understanding even though she was young was weird to me being 2012 I figured most kids at least knew what adoption was if they didn’t know someone who had been adopted. Either way his adoption and what he has brought into our lives contains memories that will not be forgotten and new light that has widened the horizon.

Nicholas might not know it himself but he, though not thought of as the ‘adopted brother,’ has done so much without even trying to that has helped, even being the snappy 8 year old, he shines a light on everyone he knows since coming into our lives.