“I’m sorry; I didn’t want it to happen!” My mother yelled at me, her apology didn’t matter though; she couldn’t undo what she had done.
“Mom! You didn’t even consider me and Sarah did you? Did you?” I regretted those words the moment they left my mouth.
“Of course I considered you and your sister but it was her time and I couldn’t stand there and watch her in pain,” my mother sobbed, “I’m sorry but it was her time.”
I knew it was her time but I didn’t want to believe it, I didn’t want to have to deal with this. My sister looked heart broken. She was the closest to the dog and had the strongest feeling against having Powys dieing un-naturally.
I looked into my mother’s watery and cold eyes. The pale skin was much whiter than usual making her look like a ghost. Her red shot eyes scared me. All things I didn’t want to ask about. But now I wish I had. My mom had Powys for 15 years and treated her like another daughter and now I saw how much my mom would miss her and that if she had another choice she would have chosen it. At first thought when my mother told me she was gone I didn’t believe her, more than that I didn’t want to believe her. I was angry because I wanted to hold her small beige head and look into her deep brown eyes.
Although I broke down my mother said I took the news the best that day but I don’t think I did. I couldn’t stop crying, I told myself I was the reason she was gone. I didn’t treat her like any other dog, she never would play catch or take long walks, she was just her. I knew that my dog would soon have to go but I always hoped for it to be natural.
I told all my secrets and thoughts to Powys. She could sense when I was upset or happy. If I was sad or grumpy she would snuggle up to my feet and lick them. If I was happy she would be willing enough to get up and go for a 5 minute walk with me. That isn’t something that is easy to find in a dog or any animal for that matter.
I couldn’t imagine my life without Powys, without my dog barking at the bus or a grasshopper hidden thick in the green grass. In the morning, when I would put her outside, or in the afternoon when I would snuggle with her and at dinner when she would eat the food we dropped. There were so many more times but I wouldn’t be able to list them. I would learn to adjust but no matter what I did, even the rare stench of pee in the morning is something I miss about my dog…