I was stuck in the closet. All alone in the darkness. Frightened to open that closet door that lead to my freedom. I hid in that closet all these years, afraid to come out into the world.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve liked girls. I’m a lesbian. I’m a homosexual. I’m gay. Whichever term you want to use. I remember being just a little kid and having the slightest feeling that I was different from the rest at school. I was just a kid. I didn’t know what I was. But things started to change as I got older. I started getting scared. I remember something had happened in the fourth grade.

As I was just sitting down on my usual spot at lunch,, my friend, Alejandro, pointed at my sweater.

“GAP,’ he said. I slowly nod.

“Haha,” he smirks. Confused, I look at him waiting for an answer.“Gay and Proud!,” he comments as he quietly chuckles. A pang of fear hits me. I feel the warmth in my cheeks spreading over my face, causing me to look red as a ripe tomato. As I try to come up with something to say, I turn and notice he has already moved on.

That simple remark seems so innocent and harmless, but as stupid as it may seem, it affected me. I felt so ashamed. The way he spit those words out like being gay was all just a joke. A stupid joke. What he said, it made me feel disgusted. Like I had some incurable disease. I didn’t know any better. I was frightened. I felt so lonely, full of self-hatred. I walked with my head down, full of shame for the monster I thought I was. That was four years ago.

What should I do? No one told me anything. I just figured out by then what I was.

Frightened, having been so young, and unaware of what the hell to do, I hid. I said nothing. I spoke of this to no one. I didn’t know how people would react. I didn’t want to be pointed out. I had no idea about any of this. I kept shushed. Silence was my enemy. I was chained up in a world of complete and utter silence. My voice was taken from me. I did nothing. I lived in a hell where I couldn’t scream for help, alone and terrified, I was locked in that closet with no way to cry out for help.

This was my whole life. I lived in a world where I was being held captive of my freedom. I was horrified. What did I do? Nothing. I didn’t resist. I let it take over my life. I didn't even try to escape from the hell hole I was in. It soon became my life. Day after day, I was quiet. I didn’t like to talk. I was lost. I was smiling and laughing with my friends. Having a good time. But you couldn’t see the inside. I carried the guilt, the shame, the disgust of being me. I hid myself deep underneath where no one could find out the dirty secret I was hiding.

It kept going on like this for years. Hiding. Watching my every move. I even lied. I’d tell my friends I like this boy and that boy. It was all lies. They didn’t ask. I would just lie and say I liked someone. I was too frightened. Terrified of what would happen if they saw who I was underneath the mask I was hiding in. I wore that mask to hide who was behind that mask. I hated that person. The one hiding behind that mask. I did everything I could not to let anyone take off my mask and find who the real monster I was. Painting layer after layer, covering my true colors.

Day after day and night after night, hiding in that dark closet with my voice on mute. This was year after year. But that was about to change. Because I finally found the key to that closet door.

Seventh grade was the year my life was about to change dramatically. I discovered love and passion in music. I found my voice through writing and music. Music became my purpose. My reason not to give up. Writing gave me the voice I thought I would never have. Those two together gave me a chance to show the world who I am. They were the hint of hope that showed me light in a world where I had only seen darkness.

“I’m a lesbian.”

Around February this year, I finally spoke up. I used the voice I found. The voice that had been stolen from me. I used my voice to show the world who I really am. Those three simple words. I’m a lesbian. I came out to my parents and sister. I came out to my friends. Even my whole grade level. Time has passed since the first time I spoke those three words and I’ve spoken them over and over again. I am no longer afraid. I no longer have to hide.

I am no longer trapped in a hell of silence. I have broken the chains that had kept me a prisoner for so long. I fought the demons within me that had me trapped in a cloud of darkness. I opened the closet door, full of happiness to finally be free. And with my head held high, burning with a pride so strong it’ll never burn out, I came out of the closet.