Dearest Sister,

One phone call. One voice. One minute was all it took to flip my world upside-down. I remember sitting in biology class on September 11, 2012, thinking about anything a regular teenager would think about. I remember looking forward to after school where I would be playing in a volleyball match with my friends, my family watching me. I remember getting called down to the office, thinking it was for some silly reason. I remember Mom’s heartbroken, tear-filled voice as she told me that you, my only sister whom I had spent my whole childhood with, had just been flown in an emergency helicopter to the hospital.

Time slowed down. My stomach dropped like a rock. Mom’s voice was drowned out by my own anxious thoughts screaming at me from inside my head. I choked on my breath as one thought stuck out among the pure chaos that was my brain: “What if she’s dying?” A sob escaped from my throat, a tear from my eye, and I felt the secretaries turn their attention from their work to me. I ignored their pitiful stares and tuned back into Mom’s shaking voice telling me that you had a stroke, that you couldn’t talk, see, or move the right side of your body. More tears escaped as she told me more details and finally hung up the phone, leaving me with my own thoughts once again. I made my way to the bathroom and stared at my reflection. I looked at my clothes and smiled, thinking about how this morning I was worried about something as petty as dressing up for my game. I looked at my tearstained face and laughed a humorless laugh at my black makeup smudging around my eyes like I was a raccoon. I looked in my eyes and saw the pain and anger reflected in them. I looked at my mouth and saw the frown etched upon my face.Why did this happen to you? Why couldn’t God pick someone evil to thrust this upon, someone who deserved it? I wiped away those terrible thoughts, wiped away the tears and makeup, and walked back into class like nothing had happened.

I didn’t tell anyone. I guess I didn’t want them feeling sorry for me you know? I didn’t want anyone to pity me, to act like I was weak and needed support. I put on a mask of fake happiness and stayed strong on the outside, even though I was broken on the inside. I played in my volleyball game like it was an ordinary day, even though my world had just been shattered into pieces. The whole game I thought about you and what I would do if you somehow didn’t make it and I was left an only child. You’ve been my role model since I was a toddler. I remember asking you every day to play with me, even though I would get the same disappointing answer each time. I admired you back then even when you were sometimes a jerk, and I admire you now as well, always cherishing the moments we spend together, even if it be for just a minute’s time. I always will carry with me the great memories of times we spent together.

Remember when we used to go visit Grandma and Grandpa? I loved going there because the house was so quaint and small. There were only two bedrooms which meant we had to sleep on the pullout couch in the living room, and because of this, we would get to spend the whole night talking and watching TV until we got too tired and finally fell asleep. When we were bored we would always go into the tiny basement to play board games or hide-and-seek where we would hide behind the old couches and coats hanging from the rack. I remember how the basement was badly lit and always had the faint smell of Tootie’s cat food. My favorite game was when we would sit on the worn-out carpeted floor, being careful not to step in the large hole in the concrete that was covered by green carpet, and we would play volleyball with a tiny stuffed soccer ball. You would always make up new rules or give yourself unfair points, but I kept my mouth shut and let you win because I loved every second of it and I didn’t want you to get mad and stop playing with me. I even put up with you forcing me to chase the soccer ball every time it rolled down the narrow hallway into that eerie room that always reeked of the cat’s litter box, just so you wouldn’t leave. Those nights we spent at that house were some of the best nights of my childhood solely because I got to spend them with my best friend.

Every single year I would look forward to Christmas, not only because of the presents and family time, but because we would always spend the night before in your room talking, laughing, playing cards, anything that we wanted to do. I loved sleeping on the floor of your room in sleeping bags, knowing that you were right beside me the whole night. We would make a schedule of what we were going to do in the morning with exact times for everything. Even times for going to the bathroom were planned! When your alarm would go off in the morning we would jump up and get so excited because we both knew that Santa had visited us. Then we spent the whole morning having fun together and opened our presents, always starting with the smallest one and finishing with the biggest of course. I wouldn’t trade Christmas’ with you for anything.

Looking back on it I probably should’ve been nicer to you when we were kids. Just for the record you weren’t the nicest sister to me either, like when you would sit on me and tickle me until I couldn’t breathe and was crying (I now have a tickling phobia. Thanks for that.), but I should’ve tried a little harder to not annoy you because you could be six feet underground. I could be an only child right now as I’m writing this. When I was littler sometimes I wished I was an only child, but now I realize that I wouldn’t trade the world for all our memories and the support and friendship you’ve given me over the years. I always carry a picture of you in my wallet to remind me of you when you’ve been away at college for a long time without visiting home and I miss you. I have no doubt that my life would be so different from what it is now if a year ago you hadn’t gotten to the hospital quickly enough and didn’t recover. That’s why people should never take things for granted because in a split second their lives could change for the worse. I’ll be forever thankful that you’re okay now because I don’t know what I would do without my role model, my best friend, my sister.


With love,

Your loving sister