I stood there, at the end of the dock gazing out at the daunting blue water that seemed to bring a dark aura to my family members standing around. We were all here for the same reason; the passing of my grandma. At the lighthouse where we made countless memories that replayed in my head over and over. All the times we’ve came here- up north to this beautiful town. We always had fun purely because we were together as a family and that was enough for us to have a great day. Now we all stood here together again; my cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, and parents- just like the old times. Except this time, that same energy we had from prior years has simmered down to a bittersweet feeling. Standing on the dock in front of the lighthouse, was different this time. With my grandma gone, it didn’t feel right. This was the place that she called home, so why not let her ashes; her soul, rest in the comfort of her home.

My father was holding the urn in his hands with a slight smile, chuckling to himself as he retold a memory he shared with her. Lifting the mood slightly, I noticed all my family members shared my same expression. The grief present on their faces as well as mine, mixed with nostalgia; reliving all the times spent with my grandma. The wind started picking up a bit, stirring the still water and it was as if it was a sign for all of us to come back to our harsh reality. With a long sigh, my dad interrupted the silence by saying, “so who wants to go first?” My aunt was the first to stand, going to the edge of the dock with the urn she said some final words goodbye before letting some of the ashes fall in the water. One by one, my whole family went up saying their final goodbyes.

Once it was my turn, I seemed to be frozen in place. This was the moment that would truly mean my grandma is gone forever. So with shaky steps, I walked forward. Finally grabbing the last of the ashes, I thought about all the great times we’ve had together. I remember specifically the time we baked cookies together. I was so amazed that she could make such good cookies, and I just wanted to find out her secret. When I asked her what it was, she told me, “I make them with the love I share for you.” She went on to tell me that without her love for me, these cookies wouldn’t taste as well. At the time since I was young, I believed her, but the idea still stuck with me. She wouldn’t have been able to do it without me. Coming back to reality, I went to the edge of the dock. This was more than just putting my grandma’s ashes into the lake, it meant much more than that. The minute I let myself drop the ashes, I will be letting go of a piece of my heart. Once I drop the ashes, it really means that my nana is gone forever. The once loving, funny, kind grandma that I know will become someone I knew. The moment the ashes are gone, marks the moment my grandma will truly be set free. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let her go just yet, but looking around at my family, I knew I could do it. They were going through the same pain I was going through, so if they could do it, then so could I. Dropping the ashes into the water, I let myself smile for the first time in a week. Yes it was a very sad moment, but at the same time, I am surrounded by people who love me and will be by my side through thick and thin. The right there was enough for me to understand that life will go on, and as long as I have family, there is nothing I can’t get through.