Dear Bandit,
Goodbye to the spine-chilling winter nights I spent racing through the snow to bring you in for bed. Goodbye to the magnificent listener that you were to all my secrets. Goodbye to my best friend that I will never forget. Although lots of people think of best friends as being just human beings, you were a dog with many memories of good and bad. Like most storybooks, even the good ones must come to an end. We all knew this dark day was creeping upon us, but like a deer in the headlights, we never were expecting the moment to be a flash in our eyes.

Sitting in the quiet hallway, waiting for him to bring you in, was when reality struck me, and it struck me hard. He carried you in with your legs weak and frail from all thirteen years they granted you with mobilization. Yes, your legs were old and weak, but they were always there for you. Similar to how you were always there for me. Watching you try as hard as was possible, to pick your stiff body up every morning, always gave me hope. If you were able get up, when you had the chance to give up and just lay still with no motivation, with the thought that you were old and maybe had no purpose. Bandit, you had so much purpose to me.

He brought you into the room and laid you on the cold table. You were always afraid of heights, ever since you were a young puppy, but today, right this second, it didn’t faze you. Seeing you lay so peacefully on the table, so relaxed, made my eyes sting. I didn’t want to say goodbye; not now, not ever. As he explained what would happen, you looked up at me. You knew what was to happen shortly, and you accepted it. These would be the last few minutes of your life, and you accepted it.

He uncapped the needle as he calmly explained to us how this process would cause you no pain. I wanted to scream “Stop!” “You can’t!” “I won't let you!”, but I didn’t. Instead I stood frozen in my shoes. My eyes stung as tears crept from the corners of my eyes, and down my cheeks. The droplets of pain ran off my chin, hitting the cold, pale floor, forming into a pool of emotion. Your eyes looked upon me with warmth and comfort. This was your way of telling me everything would be alright.

I could hear the cries of the younger two, although they may have been too young to understand what was happening, they to knew you wouldn't be returning home with us tonight. Over their cries, I could hear my mother's sobs. She knew you were in an unhealthy state, but for her, no time would ever be the right time to say her final goodbyes. Even though I was unable to hear him, I knew my father was breaking inside. Breaking like a cold hard rock shattering into a sheet of glass. You were an important role in our family, but more important than that, you were an amazing friend to me. I will always be grateful to have had you in my life.

It was time; he gently slid the needle into your front left leg. These were to be your last moments of life, and at me is where you spent them watching. From the very second he slid that needle into your leg, to the last breath you took, and you were watching me. During those short few seconds, a life-time of memories replayed in my eyes. From the times you chased my friends and I around the yard, nipping at our ankles, to the times you would just follow me around the yard with nothing better to do.

I remember the day you came with my mom to pick me up from school. You were riding shotgun, and couldn’t have been happier. You even had a slight smile on your face. The window was covered in nose prints and tongue slobber. I will never forget how you always had that one floppy ear. You were a Collie, so both ears were supposed to be up and alert, but you were an exception. My mom always said that, your floppy ear was the reason why she first fell in love with you. We’ve had so many good memories, those will be the moments I hold onto, cherishing for the rest of my existence.

As your head fell to its rest, my tears fell like running water. There was no stopping them. You took your last breath, and then you were gone. Your body lay motionless, with no life or movement. You were gone. Just two seconds ago you were looking at me telling me everything would be alright. Then with a blink of an eye, you were gone and I no longer would have you to sit outside my door every night, I no longer would have to run out in the dead of winter, to make sure you came inside at night. You no longer will make me late to the bus every morning, because you never wanted to go out in the cold. Is it hard to believe that I miss those little moments that I once hated? I do, I miss them more than anything.

Right now Bandit, you're sitting in a wooden memory container, up in a glass cupboard overlooking our living room. You always did enjoy being inside, especially during the holidays. You would slowly move your old and stiff body into my little sister’s room. You would just lay there dreading the moment when you would get kicked out of the house and back into your dog kennel. Sometimes when I’m outside my bedroom door, I can still feel your presence, I still smell you. You always had a unique aroma. Similar to morning breath mixed with wet dog, but in a way I miss it. I miss you. I like to believe that you're still with me. That you still sit in front of the house, where you left a small patch of torn up grass. Or that you still walk the same trail you trudged on every morning and every night for nine years straight. I know you're with me wherever I go. I would like to thank you. Thank you Bandit for being there for me, and being the best friend a little girl could ever ask for.

That little girl,



Katie