Middle school was the worst year of my life.

I started six grades as an awkward student. It’s understandable, I did started a whole new school with new people and teacher to meet; but if you were me an Hispanic girl with an accent that people have trouble understanding and surrounded by a society where clothes name brand, make up and a thin body means you beautiful then you would of started six grade feeling out place and awkward. Of course I made some friends but throughout my middle school years we ended up being more separated. You can say it was lonely; and it was, feeling out of place. What made it worst was the name calling, the teasing and the picking. What hit me the most was that my friends didn't stand by me they didn't help, in fact they left me pretended that I was just some girl in their class. So, it was lonely and I feel into a deep hole of depression. By the end of six grade I self harm. I was a fat, ugly, loner loser who nobody like and each year my grades will drop like I just gave up, and every year came new names like b****, fat ass, stupid w****. Don’t like my mirror anymore, I so don’t like talking.

Right when I was about to end it all, was save by my only friend Evan. To Evan I am a very beautiful girl with a big imagination. To bad he didn't went to my school it would of help. It wasn't till the middle of 7th grade that Evan discover that he has cancer. It was a battle, I fought to stay happy and I fought to keep Evan going; and boy did I fought. In order to keep Evan happy I need to sacrifice my own happiness , I let people walk all over me, I let myself be ugly and fat. It hurts more then the cuts I made but it was worth it because my sadness, the wisdom I gain from all the bullying, all the names, and all of the mistake I witness and cause I use it to keep Evan fighting.

By the time I was in eighth grade I learn lot, I learn that there are time where you have to shallow your pride, I learn that everyone has a dark side. I found myself helping and giving advice to people. For a small moment I was happy. Evan was alive, the name calling became less and I let myself be ugly and fat because there nothing I can do about it. It didn't fix the lonely feeling I got. The isolation that I felt when I was surround my people, sure people started to give me more respect after I stood for myself and I made a few “friend” but I still felt lonely. By of eight grade I couldn't hold a smile, even when I went to visit Evan, my smile was always fake and he saw though that.

On the first day of high school, on August 25 2012. Evan die, and it didn’t matter how much friends I surround myself or how many time I was called beautiful or cool, I will always be that ugly and lonely person who can never get anything right. Bullying got me into this stated, It got me nowhere. I’m frozen in the middle of nowhere. I can’t kill myself without feeling cowardly and I can’t live because I don’t see the point. To people it sound stupid, why kill yourself just because of some stupid judgment? Well these stupid judgments made me insecure. It made me throw up my school lunch in sixth grade because I was fat, it made me leave scars on my thigh and just when I was about to be happy just when I was going to be a normal person the stupid letter that spelled out death ruin it. My whole life I’m going to be judge, I’m going to be judge on my first interview and I’m going to be judge when I first meet someone, at least you can do is judge me by action and personality not by my looks.

Words hurt, you have no idea how it can affect someone, I witness one of my school bullies go from being popular and having a lot of friends and attention to being a loser and a downcast just because of a rumor. I witness a star football player who stopped playing football because his teammates found out about his boyfriend. I can’t fix this lonely feeling I have, I can’t. You have no idea how empty I feel. Only my bedroom walls know my feeling, because they witness my break down. My weakest moments.

I’m not going to end this with a “please stop bulling” or “be kind because we hear all the time, someone in our childhood taught us to be kind and nice to other instead we disappoint them.

I’m not going to end this story at all……