re·cov·er·y
ri?k?v?r?/
noun: recovery; plural noun: recoveries
1.
a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
2.
the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

I. How?



How does one recover exactly? Not just recover, but how does one stay in the state of recovery? Because I know all the times that I have, so called, “recovered”, it was followed by a break down, a relapse or a cry for help that no one really noticed. My goal in life is that one day I’ll be recovered from my eating disorder and be completely fine with myself. When I say “my goal”, ultimately it means that I am in the works of pursuing it and it is my American Dream to do so. That goal isn't just my American Dream to achieve, it is also the goal for many girls sticking their fingers down their throat into a toilet or fasting the whole day while people wonder what is wrong with them. For girls suffering from any eating disorder, their American Dream is a choice of either wanting to have a perfect body, which means continuing their self harming journey, or they pick the path of recovery, which is a very hard decision and takes a while to achieve completely.
II. My Story
Growing up, I was told I was beautiful for who I am but when I was set out in the world to be exposed to this thing we call society, it basically told me “That little fat you see on you? That model on the Hollister bag doesn't have it, so why should you?”. Everyday, people tell me I am beautiful for who I am and that I am perfect to them but when am I, myself, me.. when am I going to be perfect to myself? That is when the idea of recovery comes along. I started my long awaited recovery around the middle my freshmen year of high school after a year long vomiting fest everyday after school in my bathroom since 8th grade.
I was doing good until the people who did not doubt me before, were doubting me at the moment, and surely enough I started to doubt myself as a result. When I doubt myself. I doubt myself hard to the point where I do not just judge, I start to hate myself to a point of no return until a good friend comes and stops me. Sadly, that friend did not appear in my life until my junior year, which was too late because the damage was done. Falling hair into clumps, destroyed esophagus, hurting bones to the point I was actually getting black and blues on the surface of my pale frozen skin which protect my weakening insides.
III. The Reason
A main reason why teenage girls develop any type of eating disorder is the pedestal that society puts girls on. The mindset that a little lower belly fat or a little jiggle in your step is even the slightest of ugly, you must be perfect in society’s eyes or society will not accept you. All we want is to be equal to the rest of society, but the only way we do that is by hurting ourselves. This brings me to another possible American Dream, the fact that we will eventually be equal with the rest of society, while doing anything to get that goal achieved. According to ANRED.org, most bulimics who try to recover with treatment, about 60% succeed, 20% of people make only partial recoveries and 20% do not improve, even with treatment. As a person could see from these statistics, everyone attempts recovery but can not fully achieve it in all cases.

IV. Effects
The lifelong effects of this disease, which people think is a choice meanwhile it is not, are involved with the physical, mental parts and emotional parts of a person. With that being said, it means that eating disorders can destroy a persons life. Physically because you are hurting yourself, Mentally because you are convincing yourself something is wrong with you and finally, emotionally, because every waking moment you are focused with this burden on your shoulder wondering if you are good enough for anyone but yourself.
V. Conclusion
Society has pressured us to get accepted one way or another, because if you do not live up their expectations and standards, you will be an outcast and forever will be an outcast. I know I probably won't be up to society's standards of a size 00, skinny long legs with hardly any jiggle with every pep in my step but maybe one day I will be able to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.