“Some people think that to be strong is never to feel pain, in reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it ,understand it and accept it “.When I was a little boy around 5 years old, was the first time I met my father. First time I seen my dad was in jail .I always wondered if he accepted me .Years passed and I open my eyes and I noticed he accepted me but I was the one to afraid to accept him. This was one of the significant challenges I had throughout my life because it taught me that no matter who the person is the past is the past and they can always change their future.

Throughout life I have struggled but those struggles are the things that made me who I am .There are many things in life I have struggle through one of those struggles was meeting my dad. For the first time I met my dad was scary for me because he never been there for part of my life and also I was scared for him not accepting me as his son. He knew my brother better, he knew him because he was around since he was born. But when I was born he was in jail, he was doing drugs he was a dealer with cocaine. I didn’t know a lot about my dad and reason why I was scared to meet him. I was more focused on how to deal with him accepting me that I let myself go and realized I was the one who failed to accept him. I was the one who felt condemn I felt indifferent around my father and brother.

When I met my dad for the first time I experienced a range of emotions. One reason my emotions were all over the place was that it was scary meeting my father in jail. When I was in jail meeting my dad I thought that I was in an orange farm because everyone was wearing orange. This experience was emotional because I didn’t know why he was here I didn’t understand half the things that were happening. I was scared he would throw me like trash that he would not notice me. My opinion was negative at the time when I thought he would be proud of me and how much I grown but I was blind and scared .I thought he would say rude thing and he would be proud to see me but he seemed more proud of my big brother he was proud when he seen him tears running with joy. I remember walking in in the room to meet him his eye were filled with joy and happiness, as if he seen a bright sunny day. But when he seen me he didn’t believe that I was his son making a dramatic scene in front of everybody. I cried knowing I wasn’t meant to be in that place. Feeling like I was a mistake that couldn’t be undone. I knew for some reason that deep down he’s scared to accept me and that he’s been through a lot for a little bit of joy to be so real.

I look back at my dad he was crying and breaking down, like a falling tree. I see him crying and my grandma talking to him .After we left the jail we went to my grandma’s house. I ask my grandma why he was in the place .she responded with “your dad has been through a bad time he has done some bad thing he is not proud of and all you should know is that he was scared to have hope into his life and he didn’t know how he would react.”. I was scared as if I wasn’t belonging no more. I never had that dad that taught me how to ride a bike. I was always alone I learned from seeing others ride it. By that night I slept over my uncle house he explained everything to me and I knew he was doing it to help our family to help his family. A year past he was out of jail and I was lost and confused on what I wanted to do .Me and my dad where fighting and screaming and I didn’t know what to do I have hit him with a bat,I have made him bleed but I was becoming a attaching w**** looking for ways he could accept me .I was scared of how to fit in I was scared I wasn’t going to be a facet in my family tree. I felt like I wasn’t belonging anymore or never were. Something inside me felt as if i was adopted.I never imagined a safe place when i was little they never taught good from bad i learned from what i have watched. But there came a point in life where i had to depend on my dad. Depending on my dad was scary because i was scared if i did something wrong i would get hit. It made it hard for me to accept my dad because he was so used to the ghetto life he treated me like if i was one of his own. Me and my dad fought and argued but he made me strong he made me who i am and he taught me in his own way to stay tuff because in life theres no one you can trust and it was hard for me to trust him because of what he put me though.

Knowing someone accept you for who you are is the greatest feeling but one thing that sucks is when you hold a grudge and never forgive and not accept them. After so many years i’ve never noticed that my dad accepted me. I was too busy making trying to make him accept me that i just never noticed he’s been trying to be a good dad that i made if strong for him i made him suffer ,i made him cry every night , i made him cry tons of river because i was acting like ass i kept reciting my troubles and my behavior in limited time. I wasn’t lucid about my surroundings i wasnt paying attaching that he provided a home and life for me and i was acting so stupid and i was really scared because if i did something i would get whipped into i bleed for me to learn my lessons. I felt anguish when i was in my dads place. One night me and him were talking it was a range of endless emotions because it was a conversation i would never forget , after the conversation i remember his tight hug that was endless and tears running down his cheek leaning against my shoulder making a river of shame, love, joy,and forgiveness. He told me when i grow up i would understand why he pushes me to the edge, why he tuffings me up ,why he knows my future would be brighter without the sun or the moon. That night i realize so many things i finally opened my eyes and realized i been a fool to not accept him yea we been through hell and back and he’s the reason i'm standing here. I’ve accepted my dad thought out the pain and tears ,I’ve accepted my dad through all the blood we shed i know i would of never been here if he never taught me better he didn't want me to follow his foot steps and i told him : “im sorry for being a someone who wasn't , i was scared to be left neglected i felt as if i had no one to love and i haven't open my mind to those who are helping me i just did what i thought was good and thanks for being there thanks for being my strongest part of my heart , thanks for not giving up on me through the pain we shared I LOVE YOU DAD” he responded with “you're my rib i would throw it in the trash for nothing i will always support you i would always take care of you i know its hard to accept me as your father but remember i bring you here and i would be by your side for ever even if you're not in your best behavior , i know who i bring to this word and you're a part of the greatest future and you ain't going to grow up like a gangster your my son and i will love you even if it means to take a bullet for you so keep your head up because i'm not going to be here for ever”.

My dad responded with mixed emotions throughout this process. My dad had mixed emotions and he been going through alot and i was making it even more harder because i was making him deal with more than one problem. I was a problem to my dad because of my behavior and because i wasn't thinking right i just wanted him to noticed me which i made him notice in the worse behavior.I have seen my dad personality change from good ,sad and fear. This personality change because when i was missed behaving i was learning from him and he was learning from me and he was getting his head out the hood he was and he was becoming a better father. The worst part of this challenge was that to dumb to stupid to open my eyes to see that i was accepted by him and i was the one scared to accept him. I was scared to be left neglected i was scared that one day he would just let me go with no skills or lessons i guess wrong.I started to realize despite the past and create the future with the pain and mistakes in a different way and bring them down with joy.
I have learned a lot through this experience one how to open my eyes and how to realize whats around me in a world of change.No one really what they look get a chance to meet them if not your going to dissapointed on yourself with the great things in life .Therefore this exprince has change the way i look at life because he should me a different world the side that would do anything to survive and would do anything to help there family and even if that means showing them how hell looks like. I Live life different now because i know i am accepted by my dad i know that i can do better i know that this struggle will never be forgotten because he was the one who awaken me from the fake world and open a new world that i can believe and trust more.In this struggle i also learned that i have to keepmy head up not everybodys the same i cant jugde on how they look but one how there personality is and how it can affect how i do with my life like i was judging my dad for his past.So next time remember who’s really strong ,look around and remember not everybody has a perfect life not everyboy went through the same struggle but they been through one , so remember next time you judge someone meet them first. We all have our own struggle , we all have our fears but the real question is ,How far would you go to help the person you love when they're lost and confused in their mind with their eyes closed?