Nothing could be done, not really anyway. The divorce announcement wasn’t a normal one, like when they come up to you and say they’re sorry. Each communicated through fights and mostly lectures to me about how not to be like the other one. I didn’t believe my ears the first few weeks that they were actually divorcing to be honest, my parents always fought. As a matter of fact, they threatened divorce a few times, all of which turned out okay. Anyhow, that October in the year 2013 was perfect- I just didn’t see it that way. When I found out they were divorcing, I was still ignorant; nothing happened before, why should it happen now? The fights turned into debates which turned into silence. Very easily, this was and is the loudest silence you could ever hear. Weeks felt like years as I waited for some spark to go off in one of them. Nothing happened. I became the messenger and got very annoyed about it.

“Tell your mom we are eating out tonight,” my dad would say.

“Ok, fine,” I would reply unhappily. On the inside though, I’d complain to death. Why can’t he do it? Why can’t he get over it? Why doesn’t he send a text message? Isn’t she still his wife? Then why did he call her “my mom” instead of “his wife”? Extremely annoyed by this, I told my mother anyway. At this point, I got a bit depressed but I never showed it. Why didn’t I just talk to my friends or siblings? My friends for one did not really know what I was going through, and I never let them in. The divorce, in my opinion, would be awkward to talk about and would make them treat me differently. My siblings? My sister is 20 and has mental issues and my brother is six and repeats everything he hears. With those options out, I could always go to the guidance counselor. Since I am shy in a way, that would have been awkward too. One friend of mine, Emily, who was particularly supportive, did know what I was going through because her parents threatened a divorce too. We bonded closer through that, so she was my light at the end of a pitch black tunnel.

One time we particularly bonded was when my grandfather died. She’d let me cry on her shoulder and not judge me afterwards. Even if this didn’t happen, I always know that she’s there and ready for another breakdown.

Even if I did have supportive friends, things at home never turned for the better, they turned for the worse. The silence that was there was still building up. The papers were filing out and both my parents had lawyer, etc. Realizing my world was in tatters, I still acted happy in school. I was also starting to get sensitive. When I’m sensitive, I’m sarcastic a lot without meaning to be. So now, not only did I have things going on at home, I’ve had others say to my face “I don’t know why anyone is your friend, you’re so bossy and mean.” Okay, so apparently I was, but I didn’t mean to be. Others said the same thing, not to my face, but behind my back. I got the point that I, in a way, was alone and had to make it through while caring for my brother and sister by not letting them get involved. At some point, my dad decided that I needed someone to talk to and contacted the guidance counselor.

“How are you?” Someone now and then would ask not knowingly.

“Fine.” I’d still answer but with more enthusiasm so that I, myself, could believe that everything would become “fine”. It goes on to this day, but it really will be fine. My parents try to bond more with me and my amazing friend is and will always be there. I know that I am very lucky in a way most people would not understand. My theory has always been that good and bad luck are always there; it’s just that sometimes, it’s easier to see one thing as opposed to another. I also believe that I can make it out of this hole-no matter how deep it gets. I will never be able to forget this, but I will have been made stronger, wiser, and more mature as this situation still unfolds.