July 2013, my family had lost a life that never got the chance to live. Shade Michael Pylman never once got the chance to take a breath in this world as ours turned upside down.

5lbs 14oz and 20’’ sat still in the emergency room as three doctors rushed to try to rescue his heart. 1 second, 10 seconds, 20; they were all too late.
July 31, I was at a friends house, my mom had texted me to go into a different room and to call her.
“Hello?” I said with a worried voice. “Hey babe, we’re in the hospital with your Aunt Lyndsey. Something went wrong, baby Shade is gone.”
1,000 questions with only one answer, unknown.
Little four year old Kendra sat at the end of the hospital bed surrounded by a waterfall of tears while her brother lays motionless in her hands. They tell her that he’s up in the sky now, but she still questions when he will be awake.
My family sees through the hard time and tries to take in every second, every minute with baby Shade.
As the night creeps up, Shade sleeps with his mommy as close to her as he was nine months before. Weaps from our family filled the emptiness where his breaths should of been. It was a perfect pregnancy; everything was good. Everything was good up to the day he had died.
It has been a year since baby Shades death. A whole year living without a life that was supposed to happen.
The autopsy had come back clean; lungs, brain and heart had come back perfect but mine was still broken. Tears fall like rain as I think about how he should be talking, should be walking. We as a family should of celebrated his birthday 3 months ago, but instead we gathered around his grave and sent lanterns up to him.
The impact he had made on me could fool you, for although I knew him for a short time, I’ll always adore him for the rest of my life. Years to come I will remember the experience of going to the cemetery a few days after to put a person less than 21 inches, 6 feet in the ground.
Surrounding him the family had placed a tow truck for him to play with, along with a rock his big sister had got him to put on his grave stone. That night we all went back to our house and silently ate dinner together. Although the whole family was present, we still felt the absence of one person who had brought us all together.
I like to think that things happen for a reason, that there is always something that comes out of bad, but looking back a year, I still can’t find the reason. I am not doubting that there is no reason, I am just waiting for it to be clear. Waiting for something to happen in this life time to give the lose of a newborn justice. 
Until then, I will be strong. I will be okay.
I had made it through one of the hardest things I’ve ever been put through, and I will continue.
“Wheres baby Shade?” Kendra asks on the worst of nights. “Look above you sweetie, he’s in the sky.”
The life that was lost July 31, 2013 will continue on in a better place. As sparkles in the starry night sky Shade Joseph Michael watches over his sissy, mommy, daddy and the rest of his darling family who loves him from down below.