The pictures on my english notebook matter to me. They’re people, activities, and memories I love. As much as they all mean to me the one that matters the most is the one of me and my little sister.

Madison had just turned two years old weeks before and we were spending the humid summer day at my dad’s work fair. I remember hearing uncontrollable laughter, cotton candy being swirled, hot dogs sizzling, and people splashing in to the dunking tank. The sky was the bluest i’ve seen all summer but then it dimmed down when I put on these bright yellow sunglasses that were about two times the size of my face. While waiting for my dad’s turn to be dunked, Madison and I were throwing rocks on to the pavement.

The sunrise in that town is different everyday but never less stunning. I already knew it was going to be a beautiful day but I just wasn’t fully there. I was still new to my home and had only been to my school for about a month. I’ve moved and been through that same situation more times in my life than I care to count, but it was all finally catching up to me. I’m exhausted. No one noticed how I was feeling. I felt so insignificant and just wanted to be alone because I was feeling alone. No one took the time to see how my day was except Maddy. She came up to me and said, “Why so sad, Hailey?” with her innocent brown eyes and then planted a kiss on me. My chest tightened and my stomach turned but at the same time I couldn’t help but smile at her. My other younger sister, Summer caught the picture while waiting to record my dad getting dunked. It amazes me how aware, in tune, and nurturing children are to everything, especially when so many adults have lost those traits or consciously ignore it. You cry, and they cry. You laugh, and they laugh.

My sadness turned to guilt because I hadn’t been there for Maddy as much as I could have been. I didn’t know how to be a big sister to someone so young, especially when she was the result of my mom’s affair. There’s not exactly a step by step guide on how to handle your parents being unfaithful. It brought me back to the day after Maddy was born. I remember only my dad and my other younger sister, Summer would go to the hospital. My older sister Destiny wouldn’t even acknowledge my mom’s pregnancy or Madison’s birth. I felt sick smelling the stench of the hospital and hearing babies crying as tip toed into the room. My dad was there for her birth so I was first to see her today. My stomach was filled with butterflies that weren’t happy to be there. Butterflies that wanted out with all of their wilI. I picked her up with so many different thoughts racing in my mind,“I’ve always wanted a sister! But she’s not really your sister. She doesn’t even look like me, but wow she’s so cute. I can’t believe Destiny wouldn’t come. Does Summer even understand what’s going on?” but I kept my face blank. For me that’s almost unbelievable because I can cry over anything.The rest is a blur in my mind like I’m driving into a layer of fog. Probably because I spent those 9 months going completely numb. It took me two years to fully accept but she’s no different than my other sisters and she can’t help how she was brought in to this world but I’m so glad she was. It doesn’t matter to Maddy that I’m her half sister. So it shouldn’t matter to me either and from that day at the fair and on I decided it didn’t . What she helped me gain in that time of my life is strength and what she gives me today is pure joy. She was truly a blessing in disguise.

When she kissed me it made me want to be the happiest best sister I can be for her and myself. I want to make sure there’s not a moment when she’s not the happiest she can possibly be too. I want to cheer her up the way she did for me that day. She is now three and I’m seventeen. Reflecting on the past year I realize i’ve killed two birds with one stone. I’m the best sister I can be when I’m happiest and I’m happiest when I’m with her making her happy. I know I’m doing better because my situation hasn’t changed, but the way I feel and react to it has. I’m grateful after school I can look forward to going home and giving her a hug. She usually shouts a quote from one of her favorite shows, Caillou. “Oh happy sunny day!”, and it may have not been that for me but when she says it I swear I’m convinced that it was. Now Maddy says “Oh, you happy?” instead of “Why you sad?” I respond with a yes, and she squeals “Me too!” with a big grin on her face. If I hadn’t let go of that resentment anchoring me down I wouldn’t know how to love how I do today. Unconditionally, like a child.