My breath puffs out in clouds in the frigid November air. I run at full speed towards the pasture, yelling as I go.
“Hey Aiden! Baby Aiiiiiiden! Come up here and say hi to momma, it’s her birthday!!” I yell, searching for my horse among the herd in the pasture. I spot his gingery coat and long legs, standing tallest in the pack of horses, as I reach the gate.
At that same time, his ears perk up as his big, brown eyes meet my blue ones, and I laugh. He moves his way through the crowd, and runs at full speed towards the fence, his long legs making it a short trip. He arrives, neighing when he reaches me.
I throw the gate open and run at him with open arms. I greet him as I always do, with a hug around his giant, furry neck, and take him inside the barn.
We get inside, and the moment he reaches his stall he lies down and rolls in fresh shavings. I open the door, and slowly make my way toward the chestnut horse, and ease myself down next to him. He’s lying on his side and I lean my head back onto his neck.
We lie like this, a jumbled mess of limbs, fur, hair and coats for a good 45 minutes. I stroke his face and coo softly. I explain to him, like he could actually understand human language, that my mom had let me skip school to visit on my 16th birthday, and how I was able to drive to the barn all by myself today.

A hot, humid day in the middle of July. The sound of thundering hoofs fills the air. Aiden and I gallop, blindly, around the outdoor arena, the glaring sun making it hard to keep my eyes open. I sit back, slow him to a walk and reach a gloved hand forward to pat him on the neck.
“Oh good booyy! Baby Aiden is a GOOD boy, are you tired? Let’s go inside and get you some water baaabbyyy,” I coo.
I swing my leg over his back, and jump off the saddle. My knees buckle to absorb the impact that comes with such a long fall. I miscalculate the landing and lose my balance, sending me to the ground, landing on my butt with a thump. I laugh, and look up at Aiden. He had gotten startled by my falling backwards, and had turned his head to investigate. I see him for only a moment before his giant nose and curious eyes are in my face. He sniffs me, his whiskers tickling my face, then snorts in my face, sending snot and dirt into my face.
“Aiden!” I yell, as I swat him away and stand.
I turn and start to walk away, smiling. I look back to find that he’s following me, without being led by his bridle.
“Hey Dad! Check out this trick I taught Aiden,” I say, and start to turn in a circle, watching as Aiden turns to follow.
At the simple gesture I feel a surge of pride through me. It wasn’t much, but, it made me happy to know he trusts me enough to follow me around.
It had been fate that brought Aiden to me. He was on his way to a slaughter auction when the tire of the trailer gave out, resulting in a devastating crash, leaving him in a crumpled up trailer on the side of the freeway. It had been sheer luck that he was picked up by my friend, and brought to my barn. I had decided to go take a look at this “miracle horse” for myself, and came face to face with a beat up horse. I could easily count every single rib sticking out of his side as well as the scratches that covered his face and neck. Upon laying my eyes on this horse and I was revolted. How could this happen and who would ever do this to a horse? The sight was almost too much for me, and I almost turned around and left that moment. One last look over my shoulder had me staring into his eyes. Eyes that were full of trust, and a yearning for attention. I went in to the stall to get a closer look, and despite all he’d been through, he nudged my hand immediately, begging to be pet and loved. In that span of moments, I was in love and we were inseparable.

It has been these happy moments that I had focused on to get me through the pain.

A bitterly-cold December morning I’m lying in the arena next to my horse, but this time, it’s not to take a nap. My hand shakes- no, my whole body shakes- as I stroke his face, tears blurring my vision.
“It’s okay baby boy,” I choke out. “You’re gonna be alright. I’ll make you feel better, I promise,” my voice cracks on the last word, causing more tears to stream down my face.
I had gotten a call the night before, telling me that Aiden was colicing. The cold air caused him to avoid drinking any water. Along with dehydration, he had gotten a stomach ache, causing him to roll around, effectively twisting his intestines.
I sit up from my warm spot on Aiden’s neck, and look around. Soft morning light is spilling in, and the place is fairly crowded. Standing in the corner, I see the doctor, his assistant, and my dad all huddled together, talking in hushed voices. A few feet away from them is my mom, who’s talking to the barn owner. Everybody has a grim look on their face.
And then there’s me.
Huddled on the ground next to my horse, my face is red and splotchy. My puffy eyes are pouring tears, and my nose is covered in snot. I’m wrapped in Aiden’s cooler, shaking like a leaf in a wind storm. I had given the hunter green, fleece cooler to Aiden on our first Christmas together. Part of it was wrapped around me, the other half of the hunter green blanket was on Aiden’s neck.
Through teary eyes I see my dad walking towards me, his face looks just as bad as mine.
Before he can get any words out, I blurt out, “ Dad I can’t do this anymore can’t you see he’s in pain and Idon’twantmybabyinpaindadplease-” I cut off for breath, frantic.
“Say no more, honey. Are you sure?”
“Y-Y-Yes,” I stammer.
He makes his way over to the vet and nods his head. The vet comes over to talk to me, but I can’t hear him. In my mind, I’m back on that November day, not even 3 weeks ago, lost in memory.
I have to be strong. I tell myself. I WILL be strong.
And with that, I give Aiden one last kiss on the middle of his face and whisper, “I love you baby boy.”
I stand, walk over to my dad and take his hand.
Losing someone sucks. Often you’ll find yourself forgetting they’re gone, only to realize that they are, and it unleashes a whole new wave of sorrow. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you need to remember someone by all of the happy times you’ve had, not by the fact that they’re no longer with you. From this experience, I’ve grown. I’ve gained a new perspective on life and death, as well as a better understanding of how unexpected life is, and that no tomorrow if ever promised. Living for the moment is the best way to live life, because you never know when it’s going to end.