When you’re younger, nothing ever makes sense. The things that others say, their actions, the way that they present themselves. Nothing. And then one day, it all clicks. When you’re younger, everything is about playing with your friends at recess and who was your best friend that week. But then something huge happens and you are forced to learn things the hard way.
“So, you’re the new girl?” They asked in disappointment. Yup, that’s me. Just the new girl that doesn't have any friends.
I wore my black dress pants with black flats-which killed the back of my feet-along with my deep red flowy shirt that had butterflies on it. In all honesty, I thought I looked very fancy for my first day at a new school and I was hoping to meet some new friends since I had lost my old ones. After lunch, the 4th grade class ran outside for recess. I trailed behind staring at the play structure that everyone would soon be on. I was in awe.
“Hey! Can I play with you and your friends today?” I stuttered to one of the girls in my class.
“Um… No. We don’t even know you.” She barked with extreme attitude.
I walked away in shame and sat on one of the blue benches that surrounded the playground. The spikes on the bench dug into my butt through my black dress pants until my butt and thighs grew numb to the feeling. The wind started to pick up, throwing my hair across my face, but I didn't do anything about it. I needed to hide my face so no one could see the shame that was written all over it. The seconds felt like hours and the minutes felt like years. I wanted to walk back into the school, grab my stuff, and never come back.
I always thought that I was amazing at making new friends. Everyone loved me back at my old school. I hated it here. I felt unwanted and way out of place. I never knew that people could be so mean to someone that they didn't know. Didn't their parents teach them to be nice? Did they think I looked weird or something? Was there something on my face that I didn't know about? I wish this day never happened.
The next day, I walked into school wrapped in shame, which made everything seem worse. I couldn't focus on anything. “What made that girl so mean?” The week dragged on and I sat at the same blue bench everyday watching everyone else around me laugh and have fun with their friends while I sat in misery.
Weeks had passed by since the mishap with the girl in my class when she came up to me at recess at the infamous “blue bench”.
“I’m really sorry,” She whimpered hanging her head. I just looked at her. I had no idea what to say. I didn’t know that someone so mean could even say that they were sorry.
“It’s okay, I guess.” I shrugged. She looked at me in despair and told me exactly how bad she felt.
“Everyday I saw you sitting on the bench by yourself, I felt even worse.” She was on the verge of tears due to how bad she felt.
I couldn't process what had just happened in that exact moment. It didn't make any sense to me. I knew that she had apologized, but I didn't know how to react to it. I looked at the ground, back at her, and then at the ground again.
“It’s okay, let’s just forget about this and play.” I proposed. She looked at me and there were a million sparkles of excitement in her eyes which meant that I had officially made my first new friend at my new school after weeks of sitting on the extremely memorable “blue bench”.
The days that followed after the girl apologized, I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. When she apologized, I felt as if I had finally accomplished something. I made my first friend, and soon after that I had plenty of friends to play with for the next several months. We played every day at recess for the months that passed by and we had become really close. After the school year ended, we didn't necessarily talk anymore. We went our own ways and made our own friends.
You’ll know when everything clicks. You won’t hear the clicking noise, but you’ll definitely feel it. You could make new friends, lose some, and potentially make new memories. It could hurt or it could be a walk in the park. No one knows why some people act the way that they do and you can’t do anything about it, but don’t dwell on it. Move on and build from it. Maybe years later down the road, everything will make sense to you or it could make no sense at all, but in the end it creates the person that you are today.