Everyone has those moments in their life when they stop and think to themselves “wow this is amazing, I hope it never ends”. The sad reality however, is that everything has to end eventually. Change is one of those things that you either love or hate. The optimistic people in the world tell themselves that change means a fresh start or a new beginning, but change isn’t always as simple as moving around the furniture in your living room. The thing about change is it doesn’t stop following you after you’ve graduated, or moved out, or started a family of your own, it stays with you your whole life. I know that change is inevitable.

The biggest change in my life involves the people I’m closest to. It has been my papa and his Alzheimer’s. According to an online definition Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking, and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks (alz.org/whatisalzheimer’s). One regret I have is not remembering enough things about my papa before his dementia started taking over. Obviously the fact I don’t remember much is out of my control considering most of everyone’s childhood is a blur, but if I had the opportunity to go back and re-watch my past, I would make sure to take careful consideration of all the amazing things my papa did. My family always asks me “You remember papa before all this right?” I smile and nod but the truth is, sometimes remembering is hard. I’m only human. I’m not trying to say that I forget everything from when I was a kid, it’s just if I were able to stick my mind now into the body of my six year old self maybe I would have appreciated the special moments a little bit more.

Dementia is a terrible demon; it basically turns your whole life around. My papa use to love to go for walks around the block. He would admire the sights and the welcoming feeling of being outdoors, but eventually he started to get lost. He would forget how to get home, and so he wasn’t allowed to go out anymore. Along with that he had to stop driving. He slowly forgot how to do simple household tasks like make coffee. Eventually he even stopped being able to hold conversations. He could only answer questions with yes or no. The worst of all though, was slowly he started to forget who we all were; his family. Even today things like holding a cup of water to drink has become a difficult task.  I don’t like to picture this slow deterioration. My dad assures me however, that despite all of the things my papa struggles with doing, he is still one of the strongest people in the world.

My papa was one of the most generous people you could ever meet. He served in the Navy for a good part of his life, but after that he focused on being a good brother, father, husband, and grandfather. I love it when my nana gets in one of those moods where she starts telling me her favorite memories of him. Everyone in my family starts to jump in and add parts of the stories, and laugh and joke too. I can see how happy they all get and for a little while they only remember him how he used to be. One of my favorite stories is the one about the time he won $500. Any other person would be exuberant, fawning over how excited they were for their new reward. Not my papa. He gave away $100 dollars to each of his four kids and then the rest to his wife. He didn’t have any to spare for himself, but he was still happy. It also makes me smile whenever my family talks about how much my papa loved to sing and dance. When my aunts had their friends over, he would sing karaoke and dance along mortifying my nana. He would laugh and joke and pull her in for a spin, and even though she looked embarrassed, she would still smile and have a great time. He was the talk of the town.

Not all of the great memories about my papa came from stories. I have some of my own too. Every year my grandparents would rent a condo in Weirs Beach and we would visit them for a few days. We would walk down the boardwalk and stop in the arcades specifically to play the claw machines. My papa basically won every time he played. It blew my tiny six-year-old mind that someone could be so good at one of the hardest games, because I obviously did not understand the concept of it. Even now whenever I see a claw machine I picture my papa standing there determined to win a tiny stuffed prize for everyone. Another thing my papa loved to do when we were little was play us the spoons. I laughed and laughed at the sound and sight of two silver spoons clanging together. When I got home I would always try to do it myself, but my fingers were too tiny and I could never perfectly match the sound without getting frustrated. I guess playing the spoons is one of those unknown mysteries.

It’s been hard for everyone lately, especially my nana. Along with worsening dementia my papa developed a leg injury and recently had to get one of his legs amputated below the knee. My nana goes to visit him at the rehab facility every day, and my parents go a lot too. The first time I went to visit, I’m not going to lie, I was a little bit nervous. Apparently anesthesia can have a stronger effect on dementia patients and can actually worsen symptoms. It was also the first time I was going to see him without his leg. Now, I feel silly for being nervous. Even though he may not actually know my name I can still see his face brighten whenever we go to visit. He couldn’t say to me “Hey I’m so glad to see you, thanks for coming”, but I could see those words in his eyes. That thought gives me comfort.

During that visit we tried to think of a simple activity that would keep everyone entertained, so we drove across the street to Dollar Tree and grabbed some balloons to blow up. When we came back we picked out the biggest one and started playing an intense game of keep it up in the air with my grandparents, my parents, my sister, and I. We all laughed hysterically as the balloon floated through the air. Sometimes my papa would even try to hit the balloon with his forehead instead of his hands. One moment while we were playing I paused. I stopped and looked at my family laughing and having a great time. My nana looked happy and so did my papa. Everyone was having so much fun. They took a break from the harsh situation and just enjoyed themselves. That moment will forever be one of my favorite memories.

Change is inevitable. There’s no way to control what happens, change always finds a way in. Instead of letting change get the best of you and beat you down, embrace it. Cherish even the smallest moments because you’ll never know when everything will slowly become different. Make the best out of the worst situations.  I know I did.