The days of when I was left in silence, I felt like I was talking to a ghost. How many days has it been? Maybe even a week or two. Being alone in my own thoughts was one hell of a nightmare. When he wasn't responding for a while, I got very worried. I soon began to believe that he didn't want me anymore and that I wasn't special to him like he had told me before. I usually am not the kind of person to snoop but, I went on his facebook as a last resort. I saw that he was hanging out with and talking more to his ex the days he never made an effort to see me or even reply. The last message I saw was, "I miss you...so much." I broke down from feeling like I truly lost him. I told him the same night that it was over and confronted to him what I saw. It was all over. After that one move, I fell into a dark world without a light to guide me out. Before the official break-up happened with my ex-boyfriend, there were some issues a month prior to it. Sometime in May, we had two breaks from the relationship. It wavered throughout the month.This surprised me because our relationship was doing really well. We had been together for 8 months. There were these two girls on his bus that liked him from what he had told me. They made a fake profile to get his attention, flirted with him, and told him lies. I don’t know what they said to him that made our relationship take those breaks but, I still stayed and we went on like usual. But then, the girls started to harass me for going out with him. It made me feel so much anger because it was getting very annoying and I reported them to the dean. After that, they didn’t bother me or else they would have been arrested for harassment. When he disappeared, it was shortly after I told him I couldn’t go over his house anymore. Our relationship was also a sexual one. He was the person I lost my virginity to. My parents weren’t happy but still was willing to let him come over. However, he never came. All the plans I made were just ignored and dumped down the drain.

First, all the memories and feelings of our relationship filled my mind. It was like torture to me. I was crying myself to sleep, crying waking up, and crying at random times during the day. No matter how many pools of tears I made, it wasn't enough. More tears spilled and so did little droplets of blood. It wasn’t the first time I cut. I had to stop myself from thinking about him. I could only be distracted for so long. I couldn't go back. My cutting continued silently in my room. I ended up in a mess. I started smoking pot for a whole month. I was feeling like giving up on finding someone. One day, during my wrecked up month, this guy named Patryk messaged me on facebook. He told me that he is involved in theater, writes song lyrics, plays guitar and piano, and has a band. I was surprised with how many different things he did. We did flirt a little bit but, I pushed him away and didn't want to get close. I then avoided talking to him for a while

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Near the end of August I calmed down quite a bit. I still had a dull pain inside me but managed to go out school shopping with friends at westbrook outlets. As school started, I just didn't feel the same anymore. My time with friends decreased because anytime I was with anyone, I felt like I wasn’t there. It was a distant feeling. I was the invisible one in the group of just all my friends having fun without me. During another usual day, I went online and watched some anime and stayed on the news feed page of facebook while I was occupied. I heard a notification pop up and noticed I had a message. “Ugh I was in the middle of this episode, who is bothering me?” I asked myself. It was the same guy from two months ago. At a change of heart, I decided to start talking to him again and we ended up talking for hours and exchanged phone numbers. I soon found myself talking to Patryk everyday enjoying our conversations and gained more interest in him. We then made plans to meet each other in person on the weekend.

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The day came of when we planned to meet. When we first saw each other, it was a little awkward. I was waiting by myself sitting on a huge rock across from a playground. I saw a car pull up and then Patryk stepped out of it. He came walking over to me smiling.”Hey!” he said and greeted me with a hug.“Hi!” I replied and smiled. We sat down on the rock together and he wrapped his arm around me. I started blushing a lot “Awww you’re so cute!” he commented; which made me blush even more. We didn’t talk a lot but walked around the park.When it was time to go, he turned to me and hugged me again.”Bye, I’ll text you when I get home,” he said. Before I could say bye, he kissed me. “B-bye” I stuttered. He chuckled and walked off to the car. Later that day I got a message from him that read “Be my person? /.\” I smiled at how awkwardly cute that was. I said yes to him. After that, we spent a lot more time together and went on many dates. Our first date was at a museum. “I enjoy looking at art, surreal art is my favorite type,” Patryk told me as we were there. “I don’t really have a favorite type but I don’t mind looking at different works of it,” I mentioned while walking through the exhibits. I remember looking at this one piece of work that had an arrangement of different colors, pictures, cartoons, and beads. There was a question on how did it make us feel and there were small trays of different colored beads with labels. It went in these categories: green was calm, yellow was happy, red was angry, orange was overwhelmed, and blue was sad. We picked different colors; he had yellow and I had orange. We laughed at how my view on it was, I found the whole thing confusing. We shared a brownie in the cafe. He started acting with different emotions. It was very amusing to watch. Another date we went on was, going to a play at his college. The play was a story on two girls who were in love with each other but was frowned upon to the public. I thought it was very interesting and we held each other’s hands during the whole thing. Afterwards, he took me to his most favorite place, Froyo. He loves their frozen yogurt and I experienced why. They had a variety of flavors and provided a whole buffet of toppings. He got everything that was chocolate and I had cotton candy with gummy bears and rainbow sprinkles. I laughed at how much chocolate he got. We walked back to the college and cuddled on one of the couches in a quite lounge area. It was very warm and comfortable inside being protected from the cold. I wanted to freeze time and stay there forever. As I went home I had a mixture of happiness from our wonderful date and feeling sad that we had to go home. On days we aren’t out on dates, I stay over his house watching movies and just hanging out. I enjoy every minute being with him. From all the moments we have, I can see myself again. My happy self. I am in a new light and my scars have faded away. I don’t feel anymore pain and know that love comes when it’s least expected. I now have a very caring boyfriend that I can continue cherishing. Don’t give up on love.