I started playing table- roleplay approximately 3 years ago. It is not something I do today, due to me being an exchange student in the United States instead of being home in Denmark. I got in to it because I was already a LARP (Live Action Roleplay) arranger at my daycare, which had children aged 10-13. We were 8 arrangers back then, today only 3 of us are left, not including me since I am not there anymore. It was me, Ulrik, Frederikke, Johan Frederik, Clara, Philip, Thomas and Christian. At one point, our entire group decided that we wanted to make a table-roleplaying group. We talked with our supervisor Morten, who had a lot of experience in arranging table-roleplays, and he liked the idea. We all created our characters. The table-roleplay took place in the magical fantasy world of Niraham. I played an extremist, fascist wizard, who was an inquisitor for the organisation The Circle of Magic. Frederikke was a 14 year old girl called Sif. Johan Frederik was an elvish wizard called Aresnaa. Philip was a warrior with no intelligence but a bunch of strength. Christian was a rich man from Zarabash, which is a desert similar to our Arabia. Clara was a warrior, Thomas was a priest and Ulrik was the guy screaming: “STOP!! Hammer time!”. That was at least how we described him. And I don’t think it could ever have been explained better.

We started playing every monday and this was the time were our bond really started to get created. We were great friends before, but this took it to the next level. We used a lot more time to joke around than we used for playing the game. That was how we liked it. The menu every day was 2 kiloes of carrots and a bunch of chips. We all pitched in 2 dollars to afford it. Our game-master Morten, who was a grown man of 30, enjoyed it just as much as we did. He did not get paid, instead he did it all voluntarily.

After we started doing table-roleplaying together, we started hanging out a lot more. The daycare which we arranged LARPs for owed us a lot, so we got permission to do sleepovers at the daycare. All our food and drinks got paid for and we had free use of their ice cream machine, popcorn machine and their movie theater. We took full advantage of that. We all loved disney movies, so we decided to watch the movie UP. This started one of our biggest inside jokes ever. In the movie we meet a dog. The dog talks a lot, but often gets distracted by a squirrel. It screams: “SQUIRREL!” and is silent for a couple of seconds. We started saying it a lot. “SQUIRREL!” Clara screamed during a table-roleplay fight. “SQUIRREL!” Philip yelled when we were getting off topic during an important meeting. It quickly became our thing. Do NOT get distracted by the squirrel. Stay on topic. Do not g- SQUIRREL!!!

Life was good back then. In those two years I spent with Morten and the LARP group I experienced the biggest amount of fellowship I have ever felt in my life. We were very close. But all good things must end one day, and our companionship was no different. First it was Ulrik. He moved permanently to the United States. We were all very sad, but it was okay. Then Frederikke moved up to 2. year of pre-college, and the workload became big. She started having trouble coming. In the end she moved to Jutland, which is the completely other side of Denmark. Philip started at an “afterschool” (something in between school and pre-college, where you live at the school and socialize with the other students. Morten eventually had to quit after the daycare lowered his hours because of budget cuts. He was replaced by a guy named Emil. But yet even more trouble arrived. The summer had been over us, and we could no longer find a day were we could all play together. We had no other choice than to split up the team. We also had two new join us. Slowly we could all hang out less and less. Very few could make it to the weekly meeting, where we discussed the details of the LARP we arranged every friday. Most of the time people came either too late or had to leave too early when LARPing on fridays. We kept arranging nights for all of us to hang out. Morten, who had quit, Ulrik, who had moved to America, Frederikke, who had moved to Jutland and Philip, who was on afterschool, was of course absent most of the time. It felt like the fellowship was slowly getting lost. But there was good news. Philip would come back and play with us after the christmas break. He had quit the afterschool. We were all looking forward to seeing him again.

I still clearly remember the 17. November 2013. Jeg was playing around on the computer, when I checked my facebook. I had 1 notification. Someone had posted something on our facebook page. I clicked on it and read:

I am horribly sad to inform you guys that Philip has passed away this night. He had come home from a party at Rungsted Precollege, and then he had decided to hang himself. We don’t know much more. Please know that I mourn him with you guys, and may whatever brought him out of this world be eternally cursed.

I was in shock. I honestly did not know how to react. I thought they had to be messing with me. But deep down I knew that wasn’t true. I went to the couch and sat down. I was in complete denial for approximately 15 minutes. It was weird. I searched the internet, watched some youtube videos and generally went on with my day for those minutes. And then I cracked, and tears became to come rolling down my cheeks.

The funeral took place a couple of weeks after what had happened. I hadn’t been to school that day. Everyone was present at the funeral. Ulrik had even come home from USA to attend. The only one who was nowhere to be seen was Frederikke. I was saddened by this. Frederikke was one of the nicest and most caring person I would ever meet. I wanted her there. It was probably the saddest moment in my life. I was standing outside, because the church itself was filled with family, and friends were watching from outside. The skies were dark. I vividly remember the coffin being carried outside. I began crying, and it that very moment it started raining. My tears got mixed up with the rain, and it got hard to figure out what was what. I could hardly see anything, but I could clearly hear the song “let her go” by Passenger. It had been Philips favorite song. I knew that I could never hear that song again without thinking of Philip.

In that moment, partly blinded by rain and tears, and with Philips coffin being taken away, I saw Frederikke. She was walking towards me and gave me a big hug. I held her close and rested my head on hers.

“it’s okay” She whispered to me. “It’s okay”

I was so thankful she was there for me. It gave me all the comfort I could possibly ask for. She gave me a kleenex, and I dried my eyes. We then all left as a group. I held her hand while walking. She gave me a faint smile, and I tried to return it. We all agreed to meet up at Frederikke’s place this night for a movie and sleepover. In the meantime we all went our seperate ways. I bought a pack of beers and sat by myself at the pond, drinking my sorrows away. It was not very smart, but that was how I handled it. After having sat in the cold autumn-weather alone for a couple of hours, I got up and went to Frederikkes house. We all got together in bed, got cuddled up together and watched some disney movies. We tried to keep the mood a bit cheerful. It helped a little bit.

It has been thirteen months since this happened. 3 out of the 9 LARP arrangers are still back at home. They are, however, not focused on arranging the LARPs. Instead they try to teach the younger arrangers to take our places. They are taking our places next year. Our group has agreed to…. SQUIRREL!!... agreed to keep in touch. I really hope we can do it, but I somehow doubt it. It is time for the next generation of arrangers to step in. Hopefully they won’t get distracted by

the squirrel.

So what did I ultimately learn from this experience? I learned that friends are temporary, but by no means unimportant. I learned that you need to value the people you have while you still have them. Every relationship with another person is gonna end eventually, but that does not mean that you should shy away from it. It is the time you spent together that counts in the end.

….SQUIRREL!!!....