Miesha Angelo
Mr. Pugliares
Period 2
Sixth grade was when everything changed.  Kids started judging appearance and trying to figure out who had the biggest butt. Everything was so different. I was that nerdy girl that always had her hair in buns and ponytails and wore glasses. I would try so hard to dress differently so all the boys would like me. I would wear tighter pants and tighter shirts. I would change my hairstyle. Seventh grade things started getting worse. I was called a certain word that changed how I looked at myself. The word was “ugly”. Boys always used to bully me and call me ugly and say I smelt like syrup. It hurt me so much because I couldn’t understand why they looked at me like that. Was it because I had acne? Or because I didn't have the best hair? Biggest butt? I don’t know. I think maybe it’s because I wasn’t like those girls who wanted to be grown too fast. I was focusing on school work and trying to do good. In that grade, I know people who were already smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. Eighth grade was the worst of them all. This year I grew into a depression and I started cutting. Cutting was my way of releasing anger and frustration. Usually when I get mad at times, I don’t really know how to control it. I had this one big crush on someone from the moment I saw him. There was academies I was in at Slade and he was in there with me. We began talking, then we started texting and I told him how I felt. I was so scared and nervous. I didn’t know what he was going to say. A few minutes later, I got a reply saying he felt the same way. I asked him out and he said yes. The next day, since my academy has the same lunch the girls sat on one side and the boys sat on the other. The boy I liked sent one of the girls I knew over to tell me something. It was over. I didn’t even know what to say. I acted like everything was fine but, deep down I was hurt. Come to find out, he broke up with me because of what his friends thought of me. His friends all thought I was ugly. Shouldn’t it be all about personality and not looks? Being called ugly had such a strong affect on me because at one point I didn’t care what people thought of me.  When I was younger, I used to smile in all my pictures. I used to be so much  happier even if things weren’t so good. Freshmen year. My first year of high school. It was so freaking exciting at first. I got the opportunity to be with some of my friends and I had my own circles. However, in high school sh*t changes. Friendships don’t last. People are so judgmental and there are always a couple females that think they’re better than everyone else. Crazy huh? Freshman year I started really believing that what those boys called me was true as I started to break out more and more each day. I was constantly called ugly all the time. I would never stick up for myself. To be honest, I don’t know why I never did. I was always the quiet type or the one who didn’t really like problems but, somehow I would create them. I would go home to my mom crying everyday on her shoulder telling her I thought I was ugly. Asking her if I could change schools I couldn’t deal. Sophomore year I was in so much drama. I would think I was helping when I actually made the problem worse. It seemed like everything I said made things terrible instead of better. I lost a couple friends I cared about that I barely speak to now, I went through a lot of hardships and struggles with my own self. Depression is something that can honestly have so much control over you.  Junior year was the year I did something that had a huge impact on my whole life. I got pushed to my limit where I thought being dead would be the greatest thing for me. Trying to commit suicide not only affected me, but it affected my family. If it wasn’t for my little sister I wouldn’t be here right now. Honestly, if it wasn’t for God keeping me I wouldn’t be here. My senior year just started and I’m proud to say I encountered my first moment with the man above. I had a break down in the shower. Sitting in the tub crying, asking him “what should I do Lord” “I need you” “I don’t know what to do”. God said to me that he’s here for me and for me to stop crying. Since then, God has truly been blessing me and I thank him for that so much. I have finally found someone that truly makes me happy, supports me, cares about me and likes for me. I am currently involved with soccer, African American Club, marketing etc. I love the person I am now and who I’ve become. I thought I couldn’t get through it but, I did. Most God puts us through difficult paths for us to be strong and get through them for ourselves. The way I see things is you just have to live your life and have fun while you’re still young. If you don’t go through hardships and struggles while you’re young, you won’t have nothing to reflect on when you're older.