Pitch darkness. That’s all I see when I recall those events. When I wake up, it is a blur. An overwhelming feeling of being surrounded with questions being thrown my way. I don’t know, what’s going on, I need to sleep. These phrases swarm in my mind but I cannot get them out. I keep shutting my eyes but the people around me are forcing me to stay awake. Whispers run through the room. I had just gotten a concussion.

Riding down the gravel road on my four wheeler, I recall being angry with my dad for going so slow. I pressed the brake thinking if I waited awhile I could go fast to catch up with him. My dad was out of sight so I decided to floor it. Little did I know that very well could have been the last time I saw him. After what seems like a century of blackness, I wake up in my living room sleeping on the couch. “We have to get her to the doctor.” My mom says, looking scared out of her mind. I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that I needed to shut my eyes and sleep. I couldn’t stay awake. “Are you okay? No Bren, stay awake. You need to stay awake hun. Open your eyes! ” I hear my mom before waking up in a hospital bed. There are many doctors in the room surrounding me, asking questions I did not know the answers to. After they know I am stable, the male doctors leave so I can put on a hospital gown. While undressing I discover I am covered with bruises, cuts, grass, and dirt. They take me by wheelchair into a room with a monstrous, loud machine. On the right side of the room, there is a window with my mom, grandma and dad with a nervous expression. As soon as they are done testing me, I am released to go. Once we get outside my grandma and mom give me big hugs. I look around my grandma to see tears rolling down my dad’s face. I give him a hug, knowing he thinks this is his fault. The next day I had a local basketball camp. I convinced my mom to let me go. As my mom and I were picking up my friend, I felt vomit coming up from my stomach and into my throat. I gave my mom a look and she slammed on her brakes. I whipped open the car door and puke until nothing is left in my stomach. My mom explained it was just a symptom of concussions. We decided to skip out on basketball camp that year. This would not be the last time a concussion terminated my time playing basketball.

I have always loved basketball since I was a little girl. My dad and I would always go down to the shop and shoot around. He would show me new techniques and moves. As a little girl, I would go to my sister’s games with aspirations to play varsity one day and be just like them. When the day actually came when I was a sophomore, I was ecstatic. I had started every game and our team was doing  well. Everything was just how I imagined until one snowy night. We had late practice and our coach had us scrimmaging. Running down the court after a loose ball, I saw a teammate out of the corner of my eye. We both jumped down to get the ball. Clunk. I fell to the ground. My teammate and I had just collided and hit heads. I look up at her and notice that she is fine while I instantly get a headache that feels as my brain is going to explode out of my skull. I sit there for a while until I decide I am okay to drive home. Although nothing happened driving, it probably was not  my smartest idea. I spend the rest of the night going on with my homework and watching TV with only a small headache. The next morning, we had practice. We scrimmage again. My teammate passed me the ball in the post and I did my normal hook shot which requires me spinning my body. The ball hits the backboard and flies off. I felt like the whole world was spinning. I get a shooting headache once again. I sit down, feeling terrible, watching my happy teammates play their favorite game. My coach calls my mom and describes how practice went. She instantly drove to the school and picked me up. She let me rest at home for a bit, then we headed to my doctor to get my problem figured out. The doctor told me I had had a concussion even though I did not blackout. She also told me I would have to sit out for a week, then I could dribble around for 2 days, then no contact drills for 2 days, then I was eligible. The worst part was if I had any symptoms during this time, I would have to start over. This really broke me because sitting on the bench would be the death of me. How could I just not play my favorite sport? To make matters worse, the concussion affected me off the court as well. During my classes, I would notice awful headaches, blurry vision, and dizziness. I was unable to focus. I complained to my mom and she talked to the school guidance counselor. He excused me from a few classes and finals. This led to me sitting in the study hall room most of the day, bored out of my mind. After the symptoms got better, I was very anxious to get back to practice. I was a little rusty as I had not played for a few weeks. It felt like the basketball hoop was teasing me by moving the rim at the last moment so my shot would bounce out. When I finally got the hang of basketball again, I was ready for my first game back.

Sprinting down the court following a fast break by the other team, I am back to my old ways of being an aggressive, tough player.Well, kind of.  We get the possession back and the ball is passed to me on the wing. I have a bigger girl guarding me so I know I can get around her. “Drive, Brenna!” I can hear my coach yell. I pretended to not hear him, because I was so terrified to get hit in the head. Instead of driving, I pass to my teammate and they drive into the basket and get a point. As the season progresses, I start to take shots further out instead of in the post because I was scared to get hit in the head again. This really hurt my team because we would not score as frequently. At the last game I found myself driving in more, getting over the fear of another concussion. It turned out well and I wished I could have played like that all season.
Even though the events that caused my concussions would be considered dangerous, I got over my fear of facing them again. The pitch darkness I once saw helped me see the light of overcoming my injury and the nervousness I once felt to engage in events that had the risk of getting another concussion.