The feeling of fear where butterflies flap around in your stomach and your gut twists dreading the approaching distress became a familiar state to me when I was younger. A twelve hundred pound animal that had a mind of its own was the cause of this terror. Little did I know that later in my life this same animal would be responsible for bringing me the most rewarding and joyful memories I would ever have. I would learn that my fear was what would make my love for horses stronger and teach me that overcoming obstacles in my life would be necessary for success even if I was knocked down a few times. 

Every little kid that plays soccer knows just how exciting it is to play goalie for the first time! It’s just the goal, you and that florescent colored jersey against a whole team of vicious little kids running after you and kicking a ball. It never fails you are always excited until the ball hits you straight in the stomach knocking the wind out of you for what seems to be forever. After that experience you never want to be a goalie again in fear that that will happen again. You can either choose to never protect that goal again or you can realize that it’s not that bad and try again. If you choose to try again and you block the goal for the first time you will feel the joy of your personal victory! At that point in time you will know that it is worth it.

When I was little horses made me just as happy and excited as being goalie for the first time. I can remember going out to the barn with my parents and petting the horses. I would wait all day until they got home just so I could see the remarkable animals that were living thirty feet from my door. As a child most things are incredible and new to you but horses were better they were more complex and mesmerizing. As I grew older I became more interested in horses, my room was horse themed, my wardrobe consisted of shirts with horses on them, jeans and boots, and I came home from school and went straight for the barn in hopes that my parents would let me ride around the yard. Soon after this stage of my life I started riding my very own pony! I had gotten him when I was two from my grandpa and he was literally the love of my life. I started riding him by myself, but as I know now that it wasn’t the best idea. He and I were both new to the whole riding experience as he had not had much training and neither did I. In the beginning my mom would just lead me around the yard but as I became more independent I was able to ride him alone. Then one day I asked my mom if we could go for a ride that wasn’t around my yard and she reluctantly agreed that it was time to take my riding experience to new heights. So that weekend we took our horses to Morrison, Illinois to go on a trail ride. I was ecstatic and I couldn’t wait to get going. We saddled the horses and got on and started down one of the nearest paths. The sky was blue and full of white fluffy clouds and the birds were singing in the trees. It was one of those days you knew was going to be great! Until we started going up the first hill, all I remember is hitting the ground and feeling like I had fallen much higher than off the back of a pony. My mom being the overprotective mom she is jumped off of her horse and scooped me up in her arms. I was crying my eyes out at the time as she tried to console me; I thought it was the end of the world! I had never fallen off of a horse before, and as a 6 year old it was the most traumatic moment of my life. As I continued to cry my mom tried to convince me that everything would be okay and that I should get back on, but my thoughts were opposite from hers. I was not about to get back on that pony. “You have to get back on so he learns that it’s not ok to do that.” said my mom. I knew it wasn’t an option not to get back on so I half-heartedly agreed. I tried to work up my courage and be brave but a few moments later I was in the same situation as before. I was on the ground once again crying harder than before. The ground was where I was staying for all I was concerned, I was never riding horses again! My mom this time told my dad to get off of his horse and get me. He wasn’t as gentle as my mom, he picked me up brushed me off and put me back in the saddle. My dad followed that up with a little pep talk, “You have to be a tough little cowgirl, it’s not easy but I know you can do it.” At that point my only goal in life was to stay on that naughty little pony. We went on another mile or so and we came to a crick. Usually horses are ok with walking through the water, but for a little pony it’s quite intimidating. I followed behind my parents and was sure that I would be fine, but then before I knew it I was soaking wet and sitting in the crick. At that time my parents knew that this was just not going to work out. My dad fished me out of the crick and covered my up in his sweatshirt. He put me behind the saddle on his horse and we lead the pony along until we were back to the trailer. I was no longer a little girl who loved horses but rather one who despised them. I thought for sure they were out to get me! My days of wanting to go to the barn turned into days of dreading moments when my mom would ask me if I wanted to go ride with her.

For the next 2 years I rarely rode horses. My mom would try to convince me to ride with her, but all I could think about was how I seemed to always end up on the ground crying if I would. I avoided any talk about going outside with the horses and busied myself with other activities such as play basketball outside or reading, really anything to keep my mom from dragging me outside to go anywhere near those awful beasts. As time went on I grew a little older and a little more mature and then I decided that maybe, just maybe I could give horses another chance.
One day I went outside while my mom was doing chores and told her that I might want to go riding if she wanted to. She dropped everything she was doing and said “absolutely”. We got the horses and saddled up, got on and took off. This time I was not riding my stubborn wicked pony but rather my mom’s horse that was extremely calm. We rode around the hay field and through our neighbors timber and successfully made it home. I knew then that it wasn’t so bad but that didn’t give me all of my confidence back. I slowly gained not only my confidence with horses back but also my love and passion as well. I continued to progress and get more involved. I joined 4-H and was able to share my passion with others and I started showing at local fun shows and open shows.

Although I continued to ride the struggles didn’t end. I would continue to have little accidents with my horses and I would remember the time I had spent without horses in my life and realize that it was better to just get back on. The summer of my sophomore year I was in an accident worse than most people ever experience. I was barrel racing on a muddy day and my horse slipped and fell on top of me. I landed on my right side and hit my head so hard that I cracked my helmet entirely through. I was knocked unconscious and rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. I was extremely lucky to walk out of that situation with only some cuts, bruises and a severe concussion. While I had gone through this accident I was faced with the question, will I get back on? My answer was yes, even though things can be difficult, scary or even life threatening if you love it you will stick with it and persevere through even the hardest times.

Today I am extremely involved in the horse industry; you could even say it is the biggest part of my life. I have come so far that looking back I am not sure how I got here. I have been involved in showing at some of the biggest shows in Iowa and at POA breed shows and open shows as well. I have trained and worked with all of my horses and became a true horseman. I not only have learned myself but have also given other kids lessons and helped my sister as well. I am not done improving or getting better but I am definitely up for the challenge. Knowing that the challenges I faced got me here shows me that any in my future will be beneficial towards reaching success. The butterflies in my stomach have been replaced with pure joy and excitement and I am not ever going to let that change.