“All the years combine, they melt into a dream” I first heard “Stella Blue” it in November of 2012, Thanksgiving to be exact. Throughout the years, I've noticed the whole night felt as if a dream that I cannot simply forget. Stuffed beyond belief, angry relatives, passive cousins, and and the cold November winds howling around the bend. Late that night, tired from the day's activities, a knock approached the door. Strangely enough it was my Aunt Ellen and Uncle James. They came in with cheer, wine, and happiness. They brought warmth to a cold fall night. I was downstairs in my realm strumming my guitar and shredding wacky solos. Ellen approached me with a warm touch. Conversation was struck. She was explaining to me her life and how much joy she has gotten out of it. Despite her battle with breast cancer, she was the happiest person I have ever met.

I vividly remember her instructing me to change the world. At the time, as a small 8th grader, I had no idea how to do something that big. She told how much she learned about herself through the obstacles life has handed her, but she would take it and run with it. Playing in the background on the television was the Grateful Dead’s ‘72 tour live in California. Ellen stood right up and gravitated toward the noise of the melodic chords to a song I did not know at the time, like it had some sort of magnetic field around it. The riff caught my eye and they way it teased like an exceptional trailer to an unknown story. Then Jerry Garcia hits you with this line about nothing truly comes for free. “It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free”.

To me it was exactly what I was looking for. Something that makes you scratch your head and ponder about everything you have lost or gained. She explained to me that “Stella Blue” was her anthem. She told me that when she was younger they used to go out, hop the fence and grab figs off of her neighbors fig trees. The stories of her strength and her struggle gave way through the simple chord progression. Out of all the times she saw the Grateful Dead or Jerry Garcia she told us the best was with her family. Just to see her face light up like Christmas morning was one of the most amazing feelings.

I bought the song and quickly learned how to play it and it was a great anthem for a great person. This quickly became my favorite song, the way it rang out bold and true and how the song sounded exactly the same as the first time I heard it. That same feeling of joy and pain at the same time as if it was supposed to be a paradox on our emotions. Roughly two years later, we lost our dear Ellen to breast cancer. I will never forget how much she impacted my life. She taught me to roll with the punches and keep on keepin on. September 2014 was when we lost her. She had the biggest love for life.

Every day I’m grateful to have known her because you don’t meet these type of people everyday. I quickly remembered her favorite song and those lyrics rang out true. I understood what the message in that song was and she was showing me something bigger than a song. It was her spirit, the way she lived. “Dust off those rusty strings just one more time, Gonna make them shine, shine” In those two lines, it all made sense. No matter how bad the situation is or how old or broken you are you have a chance to shine and make an impact.

Now that I look back on that tired night in November of 2012, I realize that her message that whole night was to shine, make an impact, be yourself, and never let others put you down. I miss her every day but I know that I live off of her way of living just through a song. “In the end there's still that song/ comes cryin' like the wind”. This defined my idea of the world and my potential as a person to grow and to learn. Now when I listen to that song on my phone or even better on vinyl, I feel so uplifted inside and I feel as if I didn't lose her in that September but I gained her lifestyle and love for life.