You are my uncle the stranger I have never met,

I don’t know if you would have been the
one who made me turn the page of my story,
Yours has already ended
here.

To me you are a symbol of
the page never being turned with my stick
like fingers.

I have only seen you in pictures,
never in my two twinkling eyes the
same color as yours.

I have made my eyes cry the whole ocean,
the one you, used to love,
before you took, a grave journey,
to the stars while I was still attached to my Mom.

I really would love to have a blood related Uncle,
but not just any Uncle,
I want to be seen with you.

You make me smile even if you are on your grave journey to the stars,
You are the only one who can
turn the page for me.

I have cried into my pillow because your,
picture sits there,
and every second that I stare at you,
it makes me want to see you even more.

When I stare at your picture I think about how I could have given you the tightest hug,
You would do the same to me,
but you are on a grave journey to the stars.

You are my Uncle John the one,
who has the key to my story,           
and who can turn the page.

You my Uncle and my strange, I still have,
an empty soar in my heart for you,
the one whose story is still silent.

I would love to be able to write your story,
but yours is still untold,
to me.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Tears:
Move on, move on, move on. My Uncle’s picture lingered in my mind, as I went to bed on March 26, the day he had passed and slipped from my fingers. His face; clear in my mind. “Come...come come back to me.” I watched his face at the edge of my bed where I had prayed for him. I did not want to be depressed but the sorrow within became very apparent with every step, every minute, every breath.

Why me? Why my family? What did I ever do to you to make you think, you needed to eliminate one of the most important person in my life.? Why? On all the nights that hurts a person, this was the one that struck me the most because I have to realize he is not coming back…

Why did your heart stop beating? You are the one that could make the sun shine brighter. Your heart, well it decided one day that you were going to end you story short. It should have kept working. I don’t deserve this! Why does the world hate me! Tears flooded my face, as I reached for the picture that worth more than a million words. I hugged it and the tears made the glass unclear, and so were my thoughts. Pull yourself together he is here in spirit and he wants you to stop crying and move on.

My Mom would have wanted me to go to sleep, to let go all of the darkness I had been absorbing. The tears on my face still dripped fiercely as I watched all of the world keep moving and they did not realize that a life had been lost today. Move on, move on, move on.

His soul will rest in the stars and I will keep turning the pages of my life as he watches from above, blessing what I have done. The key is still with him, but I know that my story still has to go on, his just had to be shorter because his heart could not handle what he was throwing at it. My Uncle is still with me and I am realizing that now. I know he watches me from the stars and I have to accept it.

My Uncle has always made me try a little harder, get a little weaker but also made me think, “What would I do if he was still here.” Now I have learned to weather the spring showers and use love as a force against the longing for him away.

The flowers are still blooming, the showers still happen but it really matters about your perspective. The memories and the laughing and the crying will still occur but how you look at things is how you use your umbrella against the bad that matters. Get warm out of the cold memories and live with perspective that allows you to angle things for the better. Move on, move on, move on.

The Book Can Be Closed but, It Can Be Reopened:
Move on, move on, move on. You can’t rewind the past, you can pause the present, you can’t fast forward your life, all you can do is press play. I have to have him with me he can’t be gone. I have to see him again. He has to be alive. I have never met him. I can’t do this. I looked at the pictures that were on the wall and everywhere I turned his eyes were right in front of mine. He had cheer but it haunted me that he was not here for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween. He would have filled me with love. He looks like me. I can see that he is like me.

Why can’t he be here. I want you here. Come back…

I know that you are here in spirit I need you to give me a hug. My mom had only told me about you a year ago and I need you now. Come back to me. You have to. I looked at a picture of him and my mom as I was was a fallen leaf and clasped to the floor and I started to cry. Every tear was a wish I wanted with him. My hands cupped my burning up face as I watched my mom pick me up. I knew she wanted me to get over this but I could not. I cried into her chest as she braced me for the hardships to come. You have to come back here, I need you.

Please…

The way my whimpering sounded was of betrayal. My family does not deserve this. He did not deserve it. Why do you want these tears to be brought to our eyes. He should be here with us. I watched my mom’s eyes burning up as I held her close. I know that my Uncle would want no tears so I pressed and rubbed each tear off of my face. My body sat down on the ground as the world started to spin really fast. I wish that you would come back and rejoin the world around us. I knew deep down that he would have to live among the stars but why did his life end so soon? The pictures were old and told a story that I wanted to write but he was gone, his story was finished. The pen had been shut. The cover had been slammed as his heart stopped and the world did not stop with it.
The thoughts of him are still clear in my mind and the crying still occurs. I have to accept that he is dead and that I will have no future with him going forward. I have learned that he is the piece of me that feel like I am missing. The heart he had would have warmed us all but he is silent in his star that is shining bright looking down at me. My face still has tears that are left behind ready to be swept away. I know now that he will always be with me and that I will shed some tears because the stitches of my heart can never be completely sewn together.

A Visual can Bring Emotions to Life:
I watched my mom’s old videos from when she was little in the muggy porch at my grandparents house. I watched them and I felt like I was watching a horror movie. Although I knew it was okay, I could still feel my body weaken. The memories flashed before my eyes as I was talking to him through the screen. Whenever I looked at his face, it made me want him here. “You are so handsome Uncle John. Wanna come over...over...to.” The leaves rustled my sisters’ show echoed in the background as my face started melting and a tear trickled down my face that had resemblance to his. Our hearts are in harmony and I know that I will be okay. The videos still played as his voice echoed through my head and the world was frozen as he said something that will stick with me forever. “I am old enough to know that I will be okay Mommy.” He had fallen off of his bike and his knees scraped like my heart.

Why are you gone. You should have been here when I rode my bike. When will I be ready like you, when? The house grew silent as I made my way slowly through the door, he had once touched, to the one deck he had stood on when he was with us. My eyes were burning and my teeth clenches, heart broke, and fists loosed I just screamed. The sound made my ears bleed. I let out everything I had left. I had nothing in my system that could let out this mixed emotions as my head was torn apart with a million thoughts and every second a new one took its course through my mind. What if he was here? What if he had kids and they were my best friends? What if my Aunt saved him? What would our relationship be if he was here? What is my fate is the same as his? I did not care anymore where my mind took me as the thought of him tortured me and tore me into two, as you were another part that disappeared the day of March 26, 2000. I may have not been born, but I was there in spirit and you are in spirit with us now.

His pictures are sprinkled all over the house and so are the videos but he is with me every step of the way. He is my cushion when I fall. My bad to the good. The soft to the hardness of the pain I have to see you. The way his smile makes me think of myself makes me laugh and cry. I realize from this point on that the chapter of this story in my life is shut and a new one full of acceptance in reborn.

You are my uncle the stranger I have never met,
I don’t know if you would have been the
one who made me turn the page of my story,
Yours has already ended
here.

To me you are a symbol of
the page never being turned with my stick
like fingers.

I have only seen you in pictures,
never in my two twinkling eyes the
same color as yours.

I have made my eyes cry the whole ocean,
the one you, used to love,
before you took, a grave journey,
to the stars while I was still attached to my Mom.

I really would love to have a blood related Uncle,
but not just any Uncle,
I want to be seen with you.

You make me smile even if you are on your grave journey to the stars,
You are the only one who can
turn the page for me.

I have cried into my pillow because your,
picture sits there,
and every second that I stare at you,
it makes me want to see you even more.

When I stare at your picture I think about how I could have given you the tightest hug,
You would do the same to me,
but you are on a grave journey to the stars.

You are my Uncle John the one,
who has the key to my story,           
and who can turn the page.

You my Uncle and my strange, I still have,
an empty soar in my heart for you,
the one whose story is still silent.

I would love to be able to write your story,
but yours is still untold,
to me.