Elementary school is supposed to be a time of growth and innocence. The time where learning the way the world works takes precedence over everything else. This concept could also be implied in derogatory ways. A child’s mind is like a sponge, it will absorb anything good or bad and could become corrupt or impure if they are soaking up the wrong substance. In my case, hanging out with the wrong crowd. In the 2nd grade, you could tell that I was a troubled kid just by the way I interacted with people. It was always so awkward and uninviting the way I talked to people. I would always be looking the other way or say something so rude or out of context that the person I was engaging with would just disregard me. Because of this I didn’t have very many friends, I would also do anything to get some, even if that meant hanging out with the wrong group of people. The people I hung out with were very vulgar and got their kicks out of bullying other kids. The prime example was this kid named Grant, he had everything a typical bully target would have, a scrunched up face, weird personality. He was also short, and had these glasses with huge suspenders. So, what better for the leader of my group, Noah, to do than to go up and mess with him. He would throw random insults at him like,

“hey Grant, I’d bet those suspenders of yours could choke out a horse.”

Of course after that, I would laugh my ignorant and näive head off, not knowing any of the impact it had on Grant, looking back I should have done something about it, I always think, why couldn’t I have done something to help him?? I realized that it was simply because I feared that I wouldn’t be accepted by the mass. The worst of the harassment (used to call it joking but I realized it was something much more) came during recess, the time where everyone could run wild and little oversee was provided. That's when my friends and I went about our usual business, walking around the playground looking like young gangstas, until we stumbled across Grant, Noah looked wide eyed at him and said,

"let's go mess with him",

I highly resented it, but in fear of  not being accepted, I followed him. It was one of those winters where the snow would begin to fall in mid-October, so Noah grabbed a handful of snow and handed it to me and said,

“Do it, it will be hilarious, I’ll distract him while you go in for the kill,”

With that plan, we went up to Grant. Noah approached him nicely,inviting a quality that he usually lacked. He opened by saying,

"nice day, huh Grant?"
He replied with simple nod, then Noah pointed in one direction and said,
"Oh wow look at that giant bird over there!"

Once when Grant turned I thrusted the heaping pile of snow in his face. The cold streams of water that ran down his face from the melting snow mixed with his tears flowing down his face like a river. That was when I witnessed true sadness for the first time, the look in his eyes, the way they sunk into his head, reflected his thoughts of utter loneliness and betrayal by the hope of finally being accepted. The kids around us were roaring laughing, this caught the attention of a recess aid not very far away. Seeing this, my friends and I tried to run, but it was too late, Grant had already explained what happened and the aid had us by the arms to take us to the principle's office. I remember thinking,

"oh my God, what waits for me in there? What will my mom think? I can't do this!!"

My mom is extremely strict about doing good in school and never getting in trouble, period. So my mind was racing at this point with the impending doom that would rain upon me when my mom finds out that her perfect little son got in trouble. My thoughts of fear and uncertainty were represented through my flailing about and desperation to get free from the cold grasp of the recess aid, this only made my case worse, Noah however was as cool as the snow outside, this was maybe the 20th time he'd done something like this, and I was his partner in this “crime”. I arrived in the principal’s office and sat there like a statue, hollow of emotion, waiting to be placed against my will. The principle stared storm clouds at me, not expecting perfect little George to be involved in something like this. She said the worst possible thing,

“George I have contacted your mother on this manner and-,”
“NOOOO!” I whaled,
“anything but that! She’ll kill me!”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t make this kid want to leave this school altogether!!”
The principal shouted, I was in shock, had this situation really gone that bad? Had the crap really hit the fan?
“I...but”,
“no buts, I will see you in detention young man.”
After that I had no words, I walked out of her office in disbelief,
“I can’t believe I did that to somebody”, I thought.

It was true, Grant had already started going to the new school by the time all of the talk and gossip had died down a week or two later. I had done something more terrible than I could imagine. I never realized how much of a jerk I can be when I strive to be popular, to be accepted, to be noticed. I even damaged a kid so deep for acceptance that he couldn’t even be around me or anyone for that manner. I realized a darker side of myself, a side that can rid the emotions of other humans to satisfy my own, since then, I have stopped trying so hard to be so much like everybody else and just write my own path. Also, since that year, I have always thought about other people’s feelings before acting. If I ever see a kid like Grant nowadays, I’m the first to defend him.