As a kid there was nothing I wasn’t afraid of. The occasional spider, an overnight sleepover, the ocean. The ocean was one of my greatest fears, the cool giant mass of deep blue uncertainty. I wouldn’t as much dip my toe into it’s white foam and certainly never go past my knees. It was the uncertainty that freaked me out. I overthought every single outcome that could occur if I ever decided to test my fate and take that plunge. What’s in the water anyways? What if I hit my head on a rock and drown? What if those spine-chilling mermaids from Harry Potter grab me by the ankles and pull me down into the dark abyss?- Yeah, that’s what ran through my eight year old mind. Therefore, the beach wasn’t my favorite place in the world, and I never would have expected to be there five years later, fifteen feet deep in the most terrifyingly beautiful place ever.

It was August 2014, the water was still some-what warm, at least we hoped. My best friend Allie and I were on our way to twelfth street (Hampton, NH), one of the ideal surf spots in New Hampshire, probably in the top ten spots seeings that the rocky coastline of New Hampshire was barely thirteen miles in length. We clutched our neoprene suits in excitement, these were our favorite days. The summer days where we could just wake up and head to the ocean. My fear of the ocean had recently subsided that summer, not diminished, but subsided. I had been surfing all summer and I was beginning to think that  the fear of the Atlantic would probably go away completely within the next couple of weeks.

As we looked up out of the car windows the sky was dark. Extensive thick rain clouds flooded over the sky, like the clouds themselves had been commanding us to turn around and head back home. Allie looked back at me in agreement, there was no way we were not getting in that ocean, rain, or no rain. Then, the sky let out a thundering rumble and it did start to rain. My previous determination to get in the water was weakening, but not weak enough. Allie's mom seemed to be in hesitation as well.

“Girls, do you really think you should go out in these conditions?... Nobody is in the water.”

“That’s a good thing” I said. “No traffic”
Allie added, “Plus the waves are perfect, we have to catch one”

You see, Allie and I liked to pretend we were much better surfers than we actually were. In reality, we were bad.. really bad. We lacked the twelve years of experience that most professionals dedicated their lives too, we were what you would say, delusional.

As we stepped out of the car, our wetsuits in hand we peered over the wall dividing us from the tan cool sand. Today was not like most summer days, it wasn’t hot, at all. We shivered and struggled to get into the skin tight suits as quickly as possible. Today was the day I hoped, that my forever long fear of the ocean would be gone at once. And with that, I grabbed my longboard excitedly and headed down the beach, my best friend at my side as always. 

My feet froze as they touched the water, it wasn’t cold, it was freezing. I knew it would be torture to slowly let my body emerge in the ice cold water, so I walked out to my waist and dove under. Taking far more steps than I ever would have 5 years prior. My board slapped against the wall of water and suddenly the “perfect” waves seemed to be much larger then I remembered. We paddled out past the break zone, five feet, ten feet, fifteen feet,  until finally the blue ocean was a charcoal black. I looked at Allie as she started to laugh.

“What?” I say
“Your hair” she says. “It's sticking straight up”
“Yours is too” I laugh.

Little did we know that this wasn’t as funny as it looked. The electric charge in the atmosphere was causing our hair to raise, and would soon cause lightning to strike. I was too young to take in account this outcome. I was too inexperienced to overthink what a bad idea this might have been, but I was happy. The water felt alive, it made me feel alive. The rush of the ocean and the adrenaline of catching a wave was a feeling I rarely got. It’s a feeling you barely get when you're not, well, a risk taker so to speak. I felt on top of the world, like maybe every single one of my fears had vanished before my eyes. Then, the wind started to pick up. Allie and I overlooked it at first, but suddenly the water got really choppy, and at last that first lightning strike struck the water a half of mile from us. We both saw it wide eyed, with the rain, wind, thunder, and now lightning this was no longer the safest choice.  

“Okay” I said anxiety tracing my voice. “I don’t think water, humans and lightning are really a good mix.”
“Yeah, let's get out of here”

Lightning struck the water for a second time, this time a little closer. I hated the ocean I told myself, I always have, and always will. That same fear crept back to me from when I was eight and I was in panic, I just wanted to plant both of my feet on the sand, a two minute paddle from where I currently was. I knew I should take my time coming in though. The ocean was in a whirl and the waves were much bigger, stronger, and faster than they were before, there was no way I could catch a wave in, I would have to paddle. If I didn’t time myself correctly I would be caught in the break zone, a zone you don’t want to get stuck in ever, much less a lightning storm. But with panic and anxiety running through me, I wasn't thinking as clear or smart as I should have. The rain poured harder and I could barely make out the silhouette of Allie only a little ways in the distance, so, I was on my own. I paddled as fast and as hard as I could in order to make it to the shore before the next set came in. I had failed at my attempt. The biggest wave I have ever seen was now over my head, and in a split second I was submerged in the frigid water and my world was dark.

The wave pounded into my face and oddly, I was at total peace. I wasn’t thinking about what was in the ocean. I didn’t wonder if I would hit my head on a rock and drown. And the thought of Harry Potter mermaids never once crossed my mind. I knew I would be fine. At this point, I even laughed a little underwater. I was crazy I realized, the ocean wasn’t this gigantic scary mass of water to me anymore, it was peaceful and quiet and calming. Being underwater gave me the same rush as surfing gave me. And I started to wonder, maybe it wasn’t the act of surfing that made me so happy, maybe it was the ocean itself. The one thing I had been terrified of my whole life was actually the one thing that made me the happiest.

Even though this experience was a little nerve racking it is actually one of my favorite memories. That day I overcame one of my biggest childhood fears and it taught me a lot. I realized that if I had known that lightning was going to strike, or if I knew that when your hair sticks straight up in a storm, it’s not a good thing, I wouldn’t have gone in the water that day. And I initially wouldn't have overcome my fear. I apply this to opportunities now. Sometimes the more you know about something the more hesitant you become. If you take a risk without analyzing every outcome then you're more likely to be at ease. Knowledge is a very important thing, but there’s also a certain beauty to the unknown. Occasionally it’s in a person's best interest to know nothing and take a risk that could give them everything, and not let fear affect a chance or opportunity. Today, I go to the beach as much as I can and I love to surf. It has become my favorite thing to do and I wouldn’t change it for the world.