I looked around at my 26 teammates, my 26 sisters, during the most important moment in our entire season.  We were all thinking the same thing: are we going to win? We performed our awards ritual, crossing every possible limb on our body and intertwining our sweaty, shaky pinky fingers as we nervously awaited to hear our place. As customary, the announcers called the team names in ascending order, from last place to first.  While we knew we would get at least top 5, the top 3 would come as a shock; fourth place was announced, and it wasn't us. We'd survived.  “Phew”, I said as I let out a loud sigh, as did many of my teammates around me. 

“Third place goes to…. The Villages!” the announcer shouted. We applauded our competitors, and after that, everything seemed to go silent. The top two was a pure toss-up between us and Seminole, the team that topped us for first place the year prior. I could hardly bare the anticipation; my legs began to twitch uncontrollably, while my head was beating like a drum. Stirring up every possible scenario I could experience in those few following moments, the only thought I could clearly grasp was this: we had worked for this moment our entire season.

5 years prior the whirlwind began. As a seventh grader, being with my friends and doing whatever they did meant a lot to me, so without much thought, I let them talk me into trying out for a competitive dance team at a newly opened studio in town. I made the lowest team along with the rest of my friends. That year, I fell in love with competitive dance; it was the first sport or activity I participated in that I was passionate about, and it was the starting point for thousands of memories with the friends I still have today. The intensity ramped up as I moved to the highest team at the studio. Dance began to consume my life. Day in and day out, I spent all of my time at the studio, as my team and I outworked our competition and better prepared ourselves for the upcoming Hawkette tryouts.

The first two years of high school, I was on the Junior Varsity team. Being a leader freshman year, I expected to be a captain my sophomore year. I was devastated when I wasn’t chosen and 5 of my closest friends were. It was the first memorable, impactful experience where I felt like I had been completely knocked down- it was very hard for me to stand back up. I went through the season trying to find every possible positive and I held onto those with everything I had.

My junior year, I moved up to varsity. I was ecstatic and genuinely proud of myself for working hard to make such a well regarded dance team. To be as successful as the team was/is, hard, rigorous work must be put into it. I thought I understood that concept going into it, but looking back on it, I had no idea what I was in for. The beginning practices were extremely nerve wracking and stressful. I was intimidated and felt like I wasn’t good enough. The fact that I felt my coach was out to get me --and me only-- didn’t make matters any better. The summer passed with not too much intensity, but when school school started and football season rolled around, it was go time. We had an event every weekend from the beginning on November until the end of the season in February; it was exhausting. As the season went on, the practices got worse. My entire body continuously ached because of the rigorous physical activity I had to endure during the 3 hours of practice every day.

The physical aspect wasn’t the only strenuous part. 

I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. As each practice went on, my confidence plummeted more and more. The pressure tore me apart. It clouded my judgement and changed my priorities; I was forced to put dance before anything else. My grades reflected this, along with my relationship with my friends and family. When I got home from practice, I wanted to completely shut myself out from the outside world. I had no interest in conversing with my family, and I will forever regret pushing them away over something so meaningless in the long run.

There were also times I was genuinely proud and happy with Hawkettes. I was able to perform at things such as the Thanksgiving Day Parade in downtown Chicago, fly down to Disney World to watch college nationals, be the center of school spirit, and be apart of an inseparable team that taught me an incredible amount about myself and working with others. I learned how to work hard to attain goals, lose with grace, and win humbly. I learned how important time management is when a million things are flying at you at once. I learned that cracking under pressure was no longer an option- pressure could only help you perform better. I had some of my hardest, purest laughs and best memories during the 5 years of competitive dance.
I wouldn’t trade it for the world. (short sentence)

The emotions I felt were indescribable. I looked around at the huge arena; I had dreamed of being in that very moment for years prior. Thousands of seats were filled with fans and observers just as curious about how the next few moments would go. Would it be us or Seminole taking the lead? 

The announcer called out our name as the second place team. I choked back my tears knowing that thousands of eyes were beaming on our team. That was it. 10 months of strenuous practices every day and we.. Lost? How was that possible? What more could we have done?

That would be my last time ever in the arena of truth. Junior year was my last year of competitive dance. My decision to quit wasn’t made with ease; it was very difficult getting myself to give up something that was such a significant and impactful part of my life. I no longer would have 26 sisters, no longer create lifelong memories in the school cafeteria, and most importantly, I would no longer dance.

I often ask myself if I were to go back to my naive, follower, seventh grade self, knowing what I know about the program now: would I still agree to try out? Without thought, my answer would be yes. Dancing aided me in growing into the person I am today and taught me lessons I couldn’t have learned everywhere else. Although I may not do exactly what my friends do anymore, I still carry the memories we have in my heart forever. Change is uncomfortable and unwanted, but sometimes it’s necessary. I chose to go down the path that would make me the most happy, and I am stoked to branch out and try new things.