One cold and snowy Sunday in January 2013 my life changed forever in a way I would have never expected. To this day I can still hear my mom saying “Please be careful skiing today, it may be very icy.” as I grabbed my belongings and walked out the door. Only a few hours later, my ski hit a piece of ice and my heart dropped as I fell to the ground while hearing the loud snap of my knee with immediate stomach twisting pain. After four months of my injured knee being undiagnosed, I finally got the heartbreaking news that I had torn my ACL and that surgery was needed. After hearing those words, the life as an athletic girl who lived for softball, soccer and dance changed forever.

After tearing my ACL in January, I had went to many doctor’s appointments and each time they told me my knee was fine as I kept telling them that the pain was just not getting better. As time went on, I started to get more and more frustrated that my injury was not healing. Finally, after four months of pain, and my knee giving out every time I would walk somewhere, I made an appointment to see a doctor that specializes in orthopedics. As I nervously waited for the doctor, the thought of tearing my ACL did not even cross my mind. I expected the doctor to tell me something minor was wrong with my knee such as dislocating it, and that I would be able to continue with my sports, but I was completely wrong. When the doctor walked through the door I could tell that he was very stern and that no matter the outcome, he would not be treating me kindly at all. I immediately became anxious and my heart started to race. As he did a quick examination he crudely said to me that I had torn my ACL and that I had to stop all activities immediately. Hearing those words, made my stomach go into knots and tears quickly filled my eyes. I was scared, anxious and sort of confused of what lied ahead of me. From the moment those words had come from the doctor’s mouth, life had become difficult for me, however the strength I showed during that time will be something that I will always be proud of myself for. One thing I struggled with the most was not being able to play the sports I love which my life revolved around. That year I was not able to be in my dance recital nor was I able to play on my travel softball team, and that utterly crushed my heart. I also loved to play soccer but since my surgery I have not played and that it is something that I truly miss deeply. The transition from being a busy athletic teenager that was involved in many sports, to someone who was just watching each game from the sidelines while injured was very tough, but somehow I managed to make the best out of the situation no matter how upset I was.

About a month after I had found out that I had torn my ACL, it was finally time for me to have the surgery to repair it. The night before the surgery, my mind was spinning in many directions, and I could not sleep knowing the pain I was going to be facing and the long recovery I would have to go through. As I walked into the hospital the morning of my surgery I really did not know what to expect, but all I knew was that as soon as my eyes opened after this surgery my life would never be the same. After the surgery, the pain I was in was worse than I had ever felt in my entire life. My knee was tied up with many stitches, and I had come to the depressing conclusion that my crutches would become my new best friend for the next month. Despite the pain I was in, I kept telling myself that the road to recovery was starting and that even though this next year full of strenuous hours of physical therapy will be hard for me, I knew that if I take the time to heal myself correctly things will only get better and eventually I will end up being back at my best.

After my surgery, the pain was not the only thing that was taking a huge toll on me, but the mental aspect of this surgery started to have a negative impact on my life. If you have not gone through this surgery before, you may not fully understand the impact it can have on your mental health. For a year straight, I had many doctors, physical therapist and even my family reminding me every single day that I could not run, jump or turn on my knee in anyway because my ACL would tear again. The fear I had of hurting my knee again and having to go through the pain I went through was insanely indescribable, and it is still one of the biggest fears I have almost four years after my surgery. The recovery for an ACL tear is almost a year long, but personally I think it may be close to a two year recovery just in the aspect of the mental part that comes with the surgery. Once I was cleared from my doctor to start sports again, I was terrified to play. For a yearlong everyone around me was constantly reminding me that I could not do anything or else I might injure myself again, and then suddenly it was acceptable for me to go back to my normal active life, and that was the hardest transition for me. Even though my knee physically was stronger and probably better than it has ever been, trying to tell myself that it would not tear again was something I struggled with for months.

Having an ACL tear was something that had impacted my life in such a way that nothing else has ever done. Even though in many ways it negatively impacted my life, I truly believe that it made me a stronger person today. I may not be involved in as many sports as I used to before I hurt my knee, but I think that everything happens for reason. Even though hurting my knee was something I had not expected to happen in my life, each and every one of us have our own journey and through the ups and the downs we have to find the positive in each situation.